Relationships and Illusions

Illusions are necessary ingredients of healthy relationships. If we see the other person transparently as he/she is, it won’t be easy for us to love that person.

A few months back, one of my sisters told Maggie (my wife) that I was a terror for my relatives when I was young. I was. Only, I didn’t know that. I used to think I was quite a hero in those days. That was my illusion about myself. Eventually I lost that illusion and grappled with my own terrifying reality. I became a terror to myself during that period of self-discovery. I realised how jejune I had been. I vowed to improve myself. I did improve too because my efforts were genuine and concerted.

But this self-improvement distanced me from people. I chose the distance myself. I didn’t want to hurt others anymore. I didn’t want to be hurt either. I became a quasi-recluse. Why did my sister have to remind me about that bad past through my wife? Both Maggie and I pondered that question for a while. Probably my image as a terror was better for them. It kept me inferior to them. They could secretly gloat over my inflated ego and make private jokes. I ceased to be a joke when I grew out of my youthful fatuousness. Probably I appeared superior to a few of my relatives. And people don’t like that. They prefer to have inferior people around them. People prefer people with as many drawbacks as can provide entertainment to them.

The truth is I am still the same old clown essentially. But I don’t reveal my clownish sides openly anymore. Now I make every possible effort to conceal the socially unpleasant or unacceptable aspects of my personality and project the best ones. That is the illusion I create. We all create similar illusions. So relationships go on.

Be yourself is not the best advice for most people!

PS. Written for Indispire Edition 442: Are relationships possible without some illusions? If we all saw the other person exactly as he/she is, would we be able to love them still? #Relationship

PPS. This month, my blog has been drawing unusual traffic. I’m pleased to have more visitors. Thank you, dear Reader. [The figures refer to page views.]

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