India’s Valentines

India’s ruling party, Narendra Modi’s own party, wants Indians to celebrate Valentine’s Day as Cow Hugging Day. Valentine is a Western concept, they inform us. India has a superior sexual morality. Like what you see in the classical temples of Khajuraho in Madhya Pradesh, the Sun Temples of Odisha and Gujarat, Virupaksa of Hampi in Karnataka, the Jain temples of Rajasthan, the Sathyamurthy Perumal Temple of Tamil Nadu, and the Lingaraj Temple of Odisha. If I post pictures of the sculptures from those temples, Google may block my post as obscene because Google is Western and India is the West’s Guru now. But let me try anyway to put a representative pic or two here, just to give you an idea of what ancient Indian civilisation was offering to its temple devotees. 

Just Google for Indian temple erotica for a lot, lot more

India is a country that gave Kamasutra to the world. Kamasutra is not just a sex manual though any average man and some women too will love it as that. It describes all the possible sexual positions a couple can have in bed or out of it. Anywhere. How do you make sex a delight? India’s own Kamasutra will teach you that. Kamasutra is a nuanced exploration of love, desire, and interpersonal relationships, Google teaches me. It is Google that tells me that Kamasutra is more than a sex manual. Kamasutra is nothing like what people do in the West in the name of Valentine’s Day. In the West, they kiss in public places. Here in Kamasutra, you go all out and out and do duma-dum. Enjoy yourself to the hilt. In the temple premises, if you prefer. The temple premisses are the safest places for those who had the energy to try out all those positions in those Kama days.

Anywhere, if you belonged to certain castes or groups. Because the Tantric traditions of India teach us that sexuality is a path to spiritual liberation. Just go and watch those tantric yogis in Yogi’s UP even today. Their ancestors pulled whole vehicles with their penises. The genital was a bulldozer in the land of Shiva in those old days of Hindutva’s glory.

Hindu or Muslim, every king in India was a potent shagger, says the classical book Freedom at Midnight. Let me quote:

Whether he was Hindu or Moslem, the harem was an integral part of a real ruler’s palace, the prince’s private preserve kept regularly stocked with dancing girls and concubines.

Being a ruler in the so-called classical India meant being a shagger. Even today, we Indians are being screwed. Not like what Bhupinder Singh did. Today it is taxes because our present king is a brahmachari who rubbished his wife in childhood, discarding the diktats of his religion.

Oh no, I’m digressing.

Let me quote Freedom at Midnight once again.

Bhupinder Singh, King of Patiala, demonstrated a remarkably refined aptitude for … sex. As he came to maturity his devotion to his harem eventually surpassed even his passions for polo and hunting….

As a prince, he used to station a score of bare-breasted girls like nymphs at intervals at the rim of his swimming pool… The Maharaja came out of the pool from time to time to caress a breast or sip a whiskey. The walls and ceilings of Bhupinder Singh’s private quarters were covered with representations of the erotic temple sculptures for which India is justly famous, a catalogue of copulative possibilities to exhaust the most inventive mind and athletic body.

This King of Patiala used to appear once a year before his subjects absolutely naked except for the diamond breastplate he wore. His penis would be erect proving to his subjects that he was a potent man. Sexual potency was of great importance in India. Bachelors with no children were considered impotent and hence mere trash. The King of Patiala walked around before his subjects with his penis in full erection once a year and his subjects approved of his sexual and his manly potency. The King was regarded as an incarnation of Lord Shiva who had great phallic powers.

India! My India gives me an erection. Om Nama Shivaya! 

Today’s India, under Mr Narendra Modi’s leadership, has about three million sex workers. That is the highest number of prostitutes in the world for a country today, leaving aside the war-ridden Russia of another narcissist. The International Union of Sex Workers gives that figure on their website. Apart from all those millions of sex workers are the youngsters who screw around with the help of what’s called dating apps. Twenty million Indians used dating apps five years ago. Now 82.4 million Indians rely on dating apps for satiating their ancient cultural sexual appetites.

Should we shun the Valentine’s Day? I don’t know. I would personally love to hug a human rather than a cow.