Fiction
Sister Angela decided to
leave her religious calling and life in the convent.
“What makes you feel that
you have no vocation?” asked her Mother Superior for the umpteenth time. ‘Vocation’ in the Catholic parlance meant
‘God’s call to be a nun or a priest.’
Angela understood that she
would not be granted dispensation from her religious vows unless she gave her
reason for stepping out of the religious habit.
She wanted love, she said candidly.
Not the kind of abstract, spiritual love that Jesus and Mary and the
hundreds of saints offered her copiously.
She wanted real, human love.
Mother Superior was
shocked. How could a woman who had been
donning the religious habit for about a decade desire such a demeaning thing as
human love with all its vulgar passions and filthy acts and filthier body
fluids?
It was now Angela’s turn
to be shocked. She had not meant sex
when she said love. Why did the Mother’s
thoughts go in that direction? Angela
wondered.
Whenever she thought of
love, it was the face of Johnny that rose in her heart. Jesus had been superseded by Johnny.
“Johnny who?” asked Mother
Superior contemptuously. “You don’t mean
that silly young man teaching in our school?”
Angela merely looked at
Mother, helplessly and not without feelings of guilt. She felt as if she had committed a series of
fornications with Johnny. Hadn’t Jesus
said that whoever looked at a woman with lust in his heart had already
committed adultery with her? Didn’t this
apply to women as well?
No, no. I committed no such grave sin, she said to
herself. It’s his smile that I
want. Childlike smile. It’s his company and the conversations he
leads me into. Conversations about
writers and their books, ideas and questions.
“He is just a philanderer,
Angela,” said Mother Superior. “People
like him cannot love anybody except themselves.
If he engages you in conversations, it is because you flatter him by
being his ardent listener. Childlike
smile, you said. Yes, he is a child at
heart. Immature and silly. Childish, not childlike...”
Angela knew that the
Mother was not entirely wrong in her judgment.
Even she had felt time and again that Johnny had no feelings of love
towards her.
Mother Superior spent a
few hours trying to make Angela understand the folly of her decision. But Angela was adamant; she wanted love,
human love.
Finally Mother Superior
understood that Angela’s decision was irrevocable. “Remember one thing, however,” said the
Mother in conclusion, “human love is far more complex and demanding than divine
love.”
Then came a very practical
suggestion from the Mother. “Why don’t
you invite Johnny here tomorrow? Say
that you have something important to tell him.”
The Mother advised her to
appear before Johnny just after taking a bath.
Wear a skirt and blouse. Let him
see a part of your lovely body. Stir the
man in him. Tell him with all your feminine
charm that you are leaving religious life in quest of human love. And see how he responds.
Angela thought it good
advice. She did just what the Mother
suggested.
Johnny listened to her
with his usual childlike smile. “I wish
you all the best. I’m sure you will find
genuine human love...”
Human love is indeed very
complex, reflected Angela as she watched Johnny walk away having said his good
bye.
A thought provoking post indeed!
ReplyDeleteVery well written.:)
Thank you, Nikhil.
DeleteHuman Love is indeed Complex..For Some it may be Lust,for some may be pleasure and for some may be life...But it is really hard to define or see how Human Love is interpreted by Humans..
ReplyDeleteComplex, yes, Harsha. But lust can seldom be love.
DeleteNice one sir. It has undertones of your past or present struggles to overcome the shackles of orthodoxy.
ReplyDeleteYes, Sid, a part of me is there in the story: both past and present.
DeleteHow wrong the mother was!!! Loved the story. Wish it was a bit longer.
ReplyDeleteI too wanted to make it a little longer. But my time is limited.
DeleteAgain, wonderful writing sir..
ReplyDeleteThank you, Adarsh.
DeleteHuman love builds expectations, whereas divine love surrenders to the loved one. I wonder if Johny was really so clueless!!
ReplyDeleteJohnny was as clueless as a child. Angela was as idealistic as an angel.
DeleteNo, Vinaya, I must correct myself: not "idealistic" but "pure"
DeleteThe ending is perfect. Though I had read this yesterday or the day before, I kept wondering all this while what she had done (what she should have done) after he walked away.
ReplyDeleteIf the ending made you wonder that way, then the story is a success. Thank you, Jeena, for telling me that. After all, the character in a story are merely shadows. Their ultimate purpose and value lie in what they make the readers think.
DeleteSo, what happened to Angela? Did she leave the religion?
ReplyDeleteDid she have any other choice, Pankti?
DeleteI firmly believe we always have a choice. Not making a choice is also a choice.
Delete