Indispire edition 114 #IAmABlogger inspires the narcissist in me. Why do I blog? To feed endless hunger of the narcissist in me, I suppose. Like Narcissus gazing neurotically at his own image in the water, I decided to gaze into the eyes of my enduring benefactor, Reverend Tormentoro, and extract his view on why I blog.
|Narcissus by Caravaggio, gazing at his own reflection.|
“You display all the signs of NPD as listed by the DSM,” he said. NPD elaborates as Narcissistic Personality Disorder for those who are not initiated. And DSM is the Bible of psychiatrists: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association (APA).
Can anyone be a serious writer unless he/she considers him-/herself important to some degree? I did not voice my question. No one dares to question the Rev. Not if you know him personally.
“You still look for appreciation from your readers,” explained the Rev. “You want them to write appreciative comments. Thank your stars that these days no one dares to write negative comments since the whole virtual world is founded on the basic premise of mutual back-scratching. Otherwise you would have run away from blogging long ago. Your very identity is determined by others’ appreciation. Symptom number 1 of the neurotic narcissist.”
I pulled out my pen and looked for a scrap of paper to jot down notes. Sin #1: Seeking Appreciation.
“No,” the Rev made a dismissive gesture that bordered on contempt. Have you ever been to shrinks? If yes, you would have noticed the tremendous effort they make to conceal their contempt for you, for the whole of humanity.
“Narcissists never forget anything related to their ego, positive or negative, especially the latter,” he condescended to explain.
“That’s why good writers don’t need notebooks,” I blurted out. I don’t keep a notebook, you see.
He stared at me as if who asked for my view.
“Having made their personal life a hell with the constant need for others’ approval, the narcissists go out to make others’ lives miserable with their insensitivity,” the Rev went on. “Symptom number 2 according to the DSM.”
“My sins, my sins, my most grievous sins,” I went into the confessional mode which usually made the Rev very happy.
“Wait,” he frowned. “I’ve just begun. The Narcissist thinks that he is entitled to all honours. You are a teacher and you think you deserve the Best Teacher’s Award. You are a blogger and nothing would deter you from imagining yourself bagging the Best Blogger Award from Indiblogger.”
The Rev went on. I began to understand the glorious sinfulness that provokes all writing. The most grievous sin of vainglory. Insensitive, pathological, neurotic, prejudiced, jealous, lustful, most sinful... attention-seeker. That’s what I am. According to the Rev.
Why do I blog? I returned to the question at hand. And the answer is what I have written above.
PS. “A writer is someone who has taught his mind to misbehave.” Oscar Wilde.