Illusions are necessary ingredients of healthy relationships.
If we see the other person transparently as he/she is, it won’t be easy for us
to love that person.
A few months back, one of my sisters told Maggie (my
wife) that I was a terror for my relatives when I was young. I was. Only, I
didn’t know that. I used to think I was quite a hero in those days. That was my
illusion about myself. Eventually I lost that illusion and grappled with my own
terrifying reality. I became a terror to myself during that period of
self-discovery. I realised how jejune I had been. I vowed to improve myself. I
did improve too because my efforts were genuine and concerted.
But this self-improvement distanced me from people. I
chose the distance myself. I didn’t want to hurt others anymore. I didn’t want
to be hurt either. I became a quasi-recluse. Why did my sister have to remind
me about that bad past through my wife? Both Maggie and I pondered that question
for a while. Probably my image as a terror was better for them. It kept me
inferior to them. They could secretly gloat over my inflated ego and make
private jokes. I ceased to be a joke when I grew out of my youthful fatuousness.
Probably I appeared superior to a few of my relatives. And people don’t like
that. They prefer to have inferior people around them. People prefer people
with as many drawbacks as can provide entertainment to them.
The truth is I am still the same old clown
essentially. But I don’t reveal my clownish sides openly anymore. Now I make
every possible effort to conceal the socially unpleasant or unacceptable aspects
of my personality and project the best ones. That is the illusion I create. We
all create similar illusions. So relationships go on.
Be yourself is not the best advice
for most people!
PS. Written for Indispire Edition
442: Are relationships possible
without some illusions? If we all saw the other person exactly as he/she is,
would we be able to love them still? #Relationship
PPS. This month, my blog has been drawing unusual traffic. I’m pleased to have more visitors. Thank you, dear Reader. [The figures refer to page views.]
Last post: The national symbol called Brij Bhushan
Illusions or optics as the PR guys would say, are the most used tools to sell a product, man or thing.
ReplyDeleteIllusions are necessary consolations in an otherwise drab and painful life.
Delete"The truth is I am still the same old clown essentially".
ReplyDeleteIt's inspiring.
Can we change radically?
DeletePeople don't change radically.
DeleteBitter truth that keeps the relationship going sometimes...may be many times. Well written,Sir !
ReplyDeleteThanks, Chinmayee. Relationship is quite a hard thing to maintain. Maggie and I walk that tightrope quite dexterously.
DeleteWell written Mr. Tomichan. I literally liked it. SUGANTH
ReplyDeleteNice to have you here.
DeleteWell written Sir! Enjoyed reading it. 😄🙏🏻
ReplyDelete😊
DeleteSo, your image as a terror was better for them. And they enjoyed it. Layers of relationships.
ReplyDeleteRelationships are very complex affairs.
DeleteI too, was consider a wild child. Or Myra (My mother) dam daughter.
ReplyDeleteCoffee is on, and stay safe.
Wild children tend to become mild adults, right?
DeleteHello Sir ,
ReplyDeleteI am your Sawan student 2012 , not able to contact you .
I want to talk to you sir
Mail tmatheikal@gmail.com
Delete