Rewinding
Some
time back Maggie (my wife) asked me whether I had any regrets about my life
hitherto. “A lot of things were wrong,” I said. “Some mistakes were due to my
own nature and quite many more were because I didn’t know how to deal with
other people and the games they played.”
“So
if you are given another life, you’d live it quite differently?” She persisted.
“Of
course. But that doesn’t mean I’d toe the lines drawn by others. It just means
that I’d make new mistakes.” I paused and then continued, “At least they’d be
my own mistakes. They are preferable to other people’s truths.”
We
can’t go back and correct the mistakes of the past. When I find the dominant
political party in the country trying to correct the mistakes or perceived
mistakes in the country’s history, I get hiccups. We can only act in the present. We can only
move forward. The past offers us lessons. The mistakes of the past can teach us
tremendous lessons, but they cannot be corrected. We shape our future by what
we do in the present.
Walking
backward and kicking up dust storms is not only futile but also insane. I don’t
want to rewind my life in order to delete anything from it simply because it
cannot be done. I would look back in order to draw the right lessons from
there.
One
of the biggest blunders I committed in the past was to involve myself with
certain people. I was a misfit in almost every company. I don’t make good
company; I am a loner by nature. I was born to be a loner, I believe. When I
gave up companies I found myself a much happier person. Books became my
faithful friends. I deserve them only, I guess.
Even
today when people of those old companies get my phone number from somewhere or
other and call me, I feel jittery. The truth is I have blocked quite many of
such numbers. Or I just don’t answer the calls. It’s not because I hate them;
it’s because I still don’t know how to deal with them. I don’t want to make a
fool of myself anymore.
Suppose
I could really delete a part of my life. I would delete those few years in
which I had ‘friends’.
PS. Written for IndiSpire Edition 220:
If we can Rewind our life ? What do we want to add/delete/modify in
it #Rewindlifeflashback
Very good to know about your thoughts about changing the past and i appreciate your point of view that " i'd make new mistakes"...very much logical it is.
ReplyDeletei liked your "loner" nature...same is here.
There are many people who don't like much company, it looks like.
DeleteI came across a funny quote recently that perfectly sums up my life's dilemma: "My life is a constant struggle of wanting to go out and have fun with people, while simultaneously trying to avoid all human contact." I guess we would be more social if we were invisible or maybe simply not being judged.
ReplyDeleteNot being judged. I guess that's the crux. And then also being made fun of, being manipulated, being tossed about... It's too much. So I don't think there can be any fun anyway and so I have no desire to go out and meet anyone.
DeleteInteresting observations on 'friends'. yes, one shpuld be doing what makes one happy and not because everyone does so or you are expected to fall in line with the 'norms'.
ReplyDeleteabsolutely agree with you.
ReplyDelete