 |
| Image from Psychology Today |
Envy
is arguably the most universal human vice. There is hardly anyone who is not
unhappy with the relative success of the next person. The tendency to compare
ourselves with others is as natural to human beings as imitation is to apes. Do
I look better than my colleague? Is my house more attractive than my
neighbour’s? Does a colleague enjoy more reputation than me at workplace?
Envy
is a wide-ranging feeling. At the simplest or innocuous level, it can be a
trigger for self-improvement. At the other extreme, it can destroy ourselves
and others.
If
the success of another person makes you feel uncomfortable, you have a problem.
If it prompts you to ascribe the success to sheer luck, political connections,
or anything other than the person’s merit, then you have a serious problem. If
it drives you to hate that person and do things that can damage him in any way,
then your problem is hazardous and you need psychiatric treatment.
Envy
is universal and yet it is a menace that has to be dealt with. First of all,
let us see how we can deal with our own envy.
Stop
comparing yourself with others. That is the basic remedy. You are you. Your
only obligation in this cosmos is to unfold your own beauty by moving towards
self-fulfilment. Your physical appearance, the charm of your neighbour’s house,
your colleague’s superiority: none of these matters in the least. What matters
is what you make of yourself. What you do with yourself is what makes the
entire difference to your life and to the cosmos. Have you ever wondered that
the infinite cosmos can be altered for the better by what you choose to do with
yourself? If you understand that, envy won’t ever be a problem for you.
Most
things that people accumulate around them don’t serve any significant purpose
at all. Positions may make you feel important. Possessions may make you feel
secure. Comparisons may boost your ego. None of these, however, will give you
any sense of fulfilment in the autumn of your life.
If
you feel that this is too sublime or unreachable, start with something simple.
Start with appreciating the guy sitting next to you. Tell someone everyday
something good about him or her. Do that for a few days and see the difference
it makes to your life. You will see miracles unfolding around you. You will see
deserts blooming. This is no exaggeration. I’m speaking from experience.
*
What
about others’ envy? How to cope with that?
Envy
is invariably a sign of feeling of insecurity. People are seldom comfortable
with themselves. It is that discomfort that makes them compare themselves with
others. So the simple remedy is to take interest in them. Understand what they
feel discomfort with in themselves. Begin to appreciate whatever good they
possess, whatever good they do. Their envy will slowly metamorphose into a
quest for self-discovery and self-improvement.
If
that is not quite easy for you, here are some simple practical tips. First of
all, never display your skills and potentials unnecessarily. Why do you want to
arouse envy in others? You do your work and move on. Avoid ego displays. You
don’t need other people’s admiration. If you do, treat yourself first.
Self-deprecatory
humour is a panacea for envy. Look like a fool sometimes. Make yourself a fool
occasionally. People love fools more than heroes. Not that you are looking for
their love. Don’t. Love has nothing to do here. We are discussing envy. And we
are being very practical. Where there is love, there is no envy. Moreover, love
is not quite practical. So, don’t wear your heart on your sleeve. Put on the
clown’s cap once in a while.
Reveal
your own insecurities occasionally. People love weaknesses in others. Show that
you are weak too. You may be a good orator, but you don’t need to leap at every
opportunity in the office to enlighten your colleagues with the gift of your
gab. Give the other guy a chance. And tell him that he was great. Or, if they
push you on to the podium again and again, fumble a bit here and there. Be a
little vulnerable.
Be
a part of the group which you can’t avoid. The more you stand out, the more
envy you will arouse. People don’t want exceptionally gifted people except for
doing their work. Do your work and pretend to be just another mediocre guy.
Your greatness will be noticed by others and they will secretly admire you.
What you need is not their admiration but the secret inner power you carry
within yourself: your power over yourself. Once you acquire that power, nothing
else matters anymore.
Comments
Post a Comment