Coping with Envy

Image from Psychology Today

Envy is arguably the most universal human vice. There is hardly anyone who is not unhappy with the relative success of the next person. The tendency to compare ourselves with others is as natural to human beings as imitation is to apes. Do I look better than my colleague? Is my house more attractive than my neighbour’s? Does a colleague enjoy more reputation than me at workplace?

Envy is a wide-ranging feeling. At the simplest or innocuous level, it can be a trigger for self-improvement. At the other extreme, it can destroy ourselves and others.

If the success of another person makes you feel uncomfortable, you have a problem. If it prompts you to ascribe the success to sheer luck, political connections, or anything other than the person’s merit, then you have a serious problem. If it drives you to hate that person and do things that can damage him in any way, then your problem is hazardous and you need psychiatric treatment.

Envy is universal and yet it is a menace that has to be dealt with. First of all, let us see how we can deal with our own envy.

Stop comparing yourself with others. That is the basic remedy. You are you. Your only obligation in this cosmos is to unfold your own beauty by moving towards self-fulfilment. Your physical appearance, the charm of your neighbour’s house, your colleague’s superiority: none of these matters in the least. What matters is what you make of yourself. What you do with yourself is what makes the entire difference to your life and to the cosmos. Have you ever wondered that the infinite cosmos can be altered for the better by what you choose to do with yourself? If you understand that, envy won’t ever be a problem for you.

Most things that people accumulate around them don’t serve any significant purpose at all. Positions may make you feel important. Possessions may make you feel secure. Comparisons may boost your ego. None of these, however, will give you any sense of fulfilment in the autumn of your life.

If you feel that this is too sublime or unreachable, start with something simple. Start with appreciating the guy sitting next to you. Tell someone everyday something good about him or her. Do that for a few days and see the difference it makes to your life. You will see miracles unfolding around you. You will see deserts blooming. This is no exaggeration. I’m speaking from experience.

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What about others’ envy? How to cope with that?

Envy is invariably a sign of feeling of insecurity. People are seldom comfortable with themselves. It is that discomfort that makes them compare themselves with others. So the simple remedy is to take interest in them. Understand what they feel discomfort with in themselves. Begin to appreciate whatever good they possess, whatever good they do. Their envy will slowly metamorphose into a quest for self-discovery and self-improvement.

If that is not quite easy for you, here are some simple practical tips. First of all, never display your skills and potentials unnecessarily. Why do you want to arouse envy in others? You do your work and move on. Avoid ego displays. You don’t need other people’s admiration. If you do, treat yourself first.

Self-deprecatory humour is a panacea for envy. Look like a fool sometimes. Make yourself a fool occasionally. People love fools more than heroes. Not that you are looking for their love. Don’t. Love has nothing to do here. We are discussing envy. And we are being very practical. Where there is love, there is no envy. Moreover, love is not quite practical. So, don’t wear your heart on your sleeve. Put on the clown’s cap once in a while.

Reveal your own insecurities occasionally. People love weaknesses in others. Show that you are weak too. You may be a good orator, but you don’t need to leap at every opportunity in the office to enlighten your colleagues with the gift of your gab. Give the other guy a chance. And tell him that he was great. Or, if they push you on to the podium again and again, fumble a bit here and there. Be a little vulnerable.

Be a part of the group which you can’t avoid. The more you stand out, the more envy you will arouse. People don’t want exceptionally gifted people except for doing their work. Do your work and pretend to be just another mediocre guy. Your greatness will be noticed by others and they will secretly admire you. What you need is not their admiration but the secret inner power you carry within yourself: your power over yourself. Once you acquire that power, nothing else matters anymore.

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