Skip to main content

Lesson I didn't Learn

 I wish I had learnt the art of nonbeing in my adolescence. 

This week's Indispire theme is: Things I Wish I Knew When I Was A teenager #Life 

There is a character in my novel, Black Hole, who seeks nonbeing. Jane Abercrombie is a Jewish woman born in Hitler's Germany. She sees her people disappearing into nonbeing. Standing on the shards of broken windowpanes of Kristallnacht, Jane tells her father quoting Herman Hesse's Siddhartha, "I am going on my way, not to seek another doctrine, for I know there is none, but to leave all doctrines and all teachers and to reach my goal alone - or die." 

"Go my daughter," her father tells her. "Maybe, the non-being in India will be less painful than the non-being which awaits us here in our fatherland."

Jane will learn yet another nuance of nonbeing in India. Quite different from Hitler's and Yahweh's. Totally different from the Buddha's. She will learn the nonbeing of sexual ecstasy, the egolessness of Kamasutra's climaxes, from none other than a godman in the making. The fraudulence of the spiritual guru explodes in her psyche echoing Hitler's Kristallnacht. She leaves the ashram and goes to Israel where she will be given a dream in that country's Declaration of Independence: The state of Israel will be open for Jewish immigration and for the Ingathering of the Exiles; it will be based on freedom, justice and peace as envisaged by the prophets of Israel; it will ensure complete equality of social and political rights to all its inhabitants irrespective of religion, race or sex; it will guarantee freedom of religion, conscience, language, education and culture; it will safeguard the Holy Places of all religions...

A page from 'Black Hole'


Dreams are sweet and free. The reality is a nightmare.

I did grow up from my adolescent self-centredness. A little. But only to long for nonbeing again and again. Life offers it too in abundance. In the form of the Eliotean death-in-life that is abundant all around. In the form of people who are kind enough to reform you, people who want to redeem your soul, those who want to teach you patriotism... 

I wish I had learnt the real art of nonbeing in my teenage. 

In the novel, Black Hole, Jesus chooses nonbeing. Standing before the governor who vacillates between two loyalties - to truth and to the mob - Jesus wonders what he is to say in defence of himself. "What am I to say? Jesus thought to himself. That I detest the human species? That man is God's biggest blunder? That I long for the cross?"

Jesus chose nonbeing. The Buddha had done that much earlier. I belong to an inferior race, one whose adolescent self-centredness refuses to yield to the cosmos's endless process of pulverisation and transmutation. But I wish I had learnt that divine art long, long ago. 




Comments

  1. Such a deep and insightful read. I am sure some of us too have this feeling from time to time. This feeling not not wanting to be a part of this mindless world and yes humans are terrible and difficult to be around!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Adventures of Toto as a comic strip

  'The Adventures of Toto' is an amusing story by Ruskin Bond. It is prescribed as a lesson in CBSE's English course for class 9. Maggie asked her students to do a project on some of the lessons and Femi George's work is what I would like to present here. Femi converted the story into a beautiful comic strip. Her work will speak for itself and let me present it below.  Femi George Student of Carmel Public School, Vazhakulam, Kerala Similar post: The Little Girl

The Little Girl

The Little Girl is a short story by Katherine Mansfield given in the class 9 English course of NCERT. Maggie gave an assignment to her students based on the story and one of her students, Athena Baby Sabu, presented a brilliant job. She converted the story into a delightful comic strip. Mansfield tells the story of Kezia who is the eponymous little girl. Kezia is scared of her father who wields a lot of control on the entire family. She is punished severely for an unwitting mistake which makes her even more scared of her father. Her grandmother is fond of her and is her emotional succour. The grandmother is away from home one day with Kezia's mother who is hospitalised. Kezia gets her usual nightmare and is terrified. There is no one at home to console her except her father from whom she does not expect any consolation. But the father rises to the occasion and lets the little girl sleep beside him that night. She rests her head on her father's chest and can feel his heart...

Mother Mary Comes to Me

Book Review In one of the first pages of this book, the author cautions us to “read this book as you would a novel.” No one can remember the events of their lives accurately. Roy says that “most of us are a living, breathing soup of memory and imagination … and we may not be the best arbiters of which is which.” What you remember may not be what happened exactly. As we get on with the painful process called life, we keep rewriting our own narratives. The book does read like a novel. Not because Roy has fictionalised her and her mother’s lives. The characters of these two women are extremely complex, that’s why. Then there is Roy’s style which transmutes everything including anger and despair into lyrical poetry. There’s a lot of pain and sadness in this book. The way Roy narrates all that makes it quite a classic in the genre of memoirs. The book is not so much about Roy’s mother Mary as about that mother’s impact on the daughter’s very being. Arundhati was born in the undivided ...

The Real Enemies of India

People in general are inclined to pass the blame on to others whatever the fault.  For example, we Indians love to blame the British for their alleged ‘divide-and-rule’ policy.  Did the British really divide India into Hindus and Muslims or did the Indians do it themselves?  Was there any unified entity called India in the first place before the British unified it? Having raised those questions, I’m going to commit a further sacrilege of quoting a British journalist-cum-historian.  In his magnum opus, India: a History , John Keay says that the “stock accusations of a wider Machiavellian intent to ‘divide and rule’ and to ‘stir up Hindu-Muslim animosity’” levelled against the British Raj made little sense when the freedom struggle was going on in India because there really was no unified India until the British unified it politically.  Communal divisions existed in India despite the political unification.  In fact, they existed even before the Briti...

Insecurity and Exclusivism

“ Hindu khatare mein hai.” This was one of the first slogans that accompanied the emergence of Narendra Modi on the national scene. It means Hindus are in Danger . It reveals a deep-rooted feeling of insecurity. Hindus constitute an overwhelming majority in India – 80%. All the high positions in governance, judiciary, academics, any significant place, are occupied by Hindus. Yet the slogan was born. Strange? It will be facile to argue that Modi used this slogan and its concomitant hatred of Muslims and Christians as a political weapon for winning votes. True, he was successful in that; he rose to the highest political post in the country using minority-bashing. But the hatred did not end with that achievement; rather it spread outward and became more exclusive. Muslim and European rulers of India were booted out from the country’s history books and wherever else possible like the names of roads and institutions. With vengeance. Now there is a concerted effort going on to place In...