The Elephant’s Religion

Fiction

“How can a Muslim elephant enter a Hindu temple?” Surendran fulminated.

An elephant named Ibrahim Koya was part of the parade of elephants that was held as a traditional part of the temple festival. Ibrahim Koya belonged to Mohamad Koya who had named the elephant after one of his legendary ancestors who was said to have brought to control a mammoth tusker that was in heat just by standing in front of it and holding its trunk with one of his hands. The other hand gestured to the elephant to kneel down obediently. The elephant in heat obeyed very faithfully. Mohamad Koya bought an elephant in honour of that legendary ancestor and named it after him too.

“What’s wrong with this fellow?” Murali wondered to Sukumaran. Yesterday only the three of them were sitting in the restaurant eating paratha with beef roast. How did Surendran become such a fervent Hindu today?

“Maybe, he wants to become the Governor of Mizoram or something,” said Sukumaran. Surendran had joined the local shakha of RSS recently and was becoming more and more active in it.

“Do elephants have religion?” Someone asked.

“With a name like Ibrahim Koya, what do you think this creature’s religion is?” Surendran’s religious sentiments were obviously deeply hurt.

Someone had called the police in the meanwhile.

“It’s not a Muslim elephant, sir,” said Velu, the mahout. “It’s a Hindu elephant. All elephants in India are Hindus just as all cows in India are Hindus.” Velu was afraid he would lose his job unless he defended his elephant. Temple festivals are the only sources of income left now for owners of elephants.

“How do you prove that it’s a Hindu elephant, with a name like that?” The sub-inspector asked.

“Look at his dick, sir,” Velu said, “it’s not circumcised. How can any male be Muslim unless he is circumcised?” Velu sounded smart.

“That’s true,” mused the SI.

“Sir,” Velu was encouraged to add more.

“Yes,” the SI turned to him.

“Sir, now even trains are Hindus in India.”

“What!”

“Yes, sir. Just yesterday only our prime minister flagged off the Kashi Mahakal Express with a temple for Lord Shiva built into a compartment. The train will have Hindu bhajans playing all through the journey. What an idea, Sirji! We now have Hindu trains. Soon every Tom and Dick in India will be Hindu, Sir…”

The SI wiggled out of the crowd. He was not sure whether he was a Hindu. His name was Tom Jose. It was pinned on his shirt pocket too. But Surendran could not read, thankfully.

PS. Another similar story: Halley's Fishes

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