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Some lessons that life taught me


For some people like me, life is a sum of their scars. Life has seldom been a happy affair for me. I endured it day after day. Now, in the autumn of my life, I know that endurance is what life is largely about. I also know that it could have been much less of a torment if I had learnt a few lessons in time.

One of those lessons is that we learn the most vital lessons too late. That’s how life is designed to be: a series of errors. You are destined to err all along the way. You may learn the necessary lessons and correct yourself, your ways, your attitudes, or whatever requires correction. Yet you will make errors again, new ones.

What it means is that we are all pathetically imperfect creatures. That’s the first lesson I needed to learn long, long ago. I had a painful compulsion to be correct all the time, to be perfect. It made my life miserable. It made other people’s life miserable too sometimes. The compulsive desire for perfection made unearthly demands on me as well as others who lived with me. All that pain could have been avoided had I accepted the essential imperfections of life – of myself, others and the earth itself.

Self-acceptance is the first condition for happiness. If I can’t accept my abiding social clumsiness, the pathos of my ungainly nose, the insane hankering after illusions which were implanted in the very core of my being as human ideals… I will remain an individual with too many complexes and vices. Once I learn to accept me as I am, with all the imperfections and ugliness and distortions – some of which are gifts of genes and many are forced on me by memes [society & culture] – I am on the way to a happier existence. That’s the most important lesson, as far as I am concerned.

We need to accept others as well in the same spirit of tolerance. They are all as flawed as we are. Flaws are the essence of life, I think. If I were a believer in God, I would have thought of human life as the biggest and cruellest joke of the creator. I find the biblical story of Adam and Eve the most sadistic thing that a god could ever have visualised. You shape creatures for the sake of your entertainment: to sing alleluias for you, to obey your whimsical commandments, to please you even by going to the extent of killing their own children to prove their love for you, to be slaves in Egypt at one moment and be exiles in a desert the next and then live in the midst of bombs and missiles calling it the Promised Land!

Since I am not a believer in such a God, I take human life as a big evolutionary blunder, if not a catastrophic tragedy. Mistakes are natural then. We need to accept them, learn from them, and strive to be better at every step ahead. That’s the next lesson: the striving.

Does the acceptance mean that I should not point out others’ errors at all? No. If you are a writer, it’s your duty to point out certain errors to your society, government, etc. If you are a teacher, you are duty-bound to correct your students. Perhaps, the only people who have no obligations to anyone at all are politicians. They govern us. Quite like the gods who must be having the last and the best laughs in every human joke.

I know cynicism is not good. It’s not a solution. But that is my life’s enduring gift to me. It has been a bad taste, this life, mostly, and cynicism is a soothing balm. I accept my role in making it so bad. If only others accepted theirs too. Instead they still want to patronise me. I need to accept that too. Another part of life. India has to live with Pakistan and China as neighbours.

In the end I know, like Antoine de Saint-Exupery’s Little Prince, that what is essential is hidden to the eye. It is only with our heart that we can see clearly. Keeping one’s heart uncontaminated is the toughest task in life. That’s the last lesson I wish to leave here. Just place your palm on your heart and see what it tells you.

PS. This post is a part of Blogchatter Blog Hop

Comments

  1. Rethink MindfulJuly 5, 2023 at 12:08 PM

    So nice to know about your lessons from life, Sir. Life has been the greatest teacher for all of us. May your lessons help you grow and shine.

    - Swarnali Nath

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalJuly 5, 2023 at 12:38 PM

      Thanks, Swarnali. I'm still learning and growing and that's a mercy.

      Delete
  2. Yamini MacLeanJuly 5, 2023 at 12:33 PM

    Hari Om
    Having not, perhaps, had quite the same sadnesses or issues as yours, life has still held plenty lessons for me and in the essentials they differ not at all. Acceptance and tolerance and, above all, that openness of heart are key to living with some degree of contentment... YAM xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalJuly 5, 2023 at 12:40 PM

      There's some degree of contentment. After all, teaching was fun and passion. The redemptive force.

      Delete
  3. ArtiJuly 5, 2023 at 3:33 PM

    If I could, I'd give you a hug in person Tomichan-- a hug of solidarity. That's the first thing my heart said to me when I placed my palm on it (not literally coz I'm typing this message, you see) but that's what it said.

    You talk of life-lessons, of imperfections and self-acceptance. And even though I've had and continue to have my fair share of lessons and imperfections, I'm blessed with a child-like naivete to notice the silver lining more than the dark cloud. Perhaps, your cynicism is akin to my naivete--crutches we use to navigate through life.
    As long as we believe in "It is only with our heart that we can see clearly." we're good:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalJuly 5, 2023 at 5:05 PM

      Thanks, Arti. I've felt a strange yet familiar connection with you - it may be, as you say, a connection between your innocence and my cynicism. My tendency to see the darker side is in fact a deep longing for a brighter world. Let's hope some day there will be more light.

      Delete
  4. Felicia NJuly 8, 2023 at 12:15 PM

    Thank you for sharing your wisdom and personal journey with us. We are all bound to make mistakes and stumble along the way, but it is through these errors that we truly learn and grow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalJuly 8, 2023 at 10:38 PM

      So true, Felicia. Mistakes make people interesting.

      Delete
  5. Rajeev MoothedathJuly 9, 2023 at 6:26 AM

    An insightful post! acceptance is the key to a happy life.

    ReplyDelete
  6. marietta pereiraJuly 9, 2023 at 7:54 PM

    Life is a continuous learning process. Yes, acceptance and tolerance lead to a better quality of life. Nicely written.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalJuly 9, 2023 at 8:16 PM

      At the age of 63, I still describe myself as a learner. That attitude keeps me young.

      Delete

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