Tomichan Matheikal's blog

AI-generated illustration You outgrow certain friendships because life changes you in ways that nobody, including you, had expected. Joe is one such friend of mine who was very dear to me once. That friendship cannot be sustained anymore because I am no more the person whom Joe knew and loved to amble along with. And Joe seems incapable of understanding the fact that people can change substantially. Joe and I were supposed to meet one of these days after a gap of more than two decades. I scuttled the meeting rather heartlessly. Just because Joe’s last messages carried words that smacked of intimacy. My life has gone through so much devastating fire that the delicate warmth of intimacy has become repulsive. Joe was a good friend of mine while we were in Shillong. He was a post-graduate student and a part-time schoolteacher when I met him first. I was a fulltime schoolteacher teaching math and science to ninth and tenth graders. My dream was to postgraduate in English literature an

Anand was a good storyteller. We walked for years on the Mehrauli-Bhatti Mines Road in Delhi in the evenings. He was a good friend while we both were teaching at Sawan Public School. What drew me to him was his ability to create stories out of very ordinary mundane things that happened at school. These stories had a unique touch of humour, one which mingled subtlety, sarcasm and slapstick in just the right proportion. Anand would laugh hilariously at his own stories after delivering the punchline. My laughter was always subdued because life had smothered much of my ability to laugh before I reached Delhi. It was during one of those walks that Anand told me the story of his being hijacked for a short period in his home state of Haryana. He was driving to a destination that was new to him. Those were days when the Google map was not available yet. So he was forced to stop at a particular junction to enquire about the way. “I’m also going to that place,” the man on the roadside said

Image from disneyclips Philosopher Nietzsche was of the opinion that what makes unhappy marriages is lack of friendship rather than lack of love. As a man who has celebrated the silver jubilee of his wedding, I raise my hat in deference to the philosopher. What has sustained my married life is the friendship that has existed between the two of us. Even the other day, someone asked Maggie whether ours was a love marriage. We give that impression, the inquirer explained. We have faced this question umpteen times by now. Even my students raise that question when they get an opportunity. When husband and wife see themselves as friends, the demands made by traditional roles of husband and wife vanish. I don’t have to be the domineering man of the house in a traditional Indian family and Maggie doesn’t have to be India’s ideal submissive wife. We are rather like Winnie-the-Pooh and Piglet. Piglet sidles up from behind calling, ‘Pooh!’ ‘Yes, Piglet!’ ‘Nothing.’ Piglet takes Pooh’s p

Had it not been for a couple of messages I received, I would not have known that today was Friendship Day.  One of the messages said, “Happy friendship day to the most fantastic friend.  Thanx for being my frd sir...”  It came from a past student.  I found it both amusing and encouraging.  Amusing, because the sender of that message is 36 years younger than me.  Encouraging, because I believe the best teacher is a friend to his/her students especially if the students are adolescents.  Teaching adolescents is fun.  Because they teach me more than I teach them.  Also because I think I’m an adolescent at heart.  In fact, a few months back one of my present students remarked that in the class.  And I laughed nodding in agreement. Adolescents are excellent friends.  In fact, their loyalty in friendship has no parallel in any other period of human growth and development.  Every parent who is struggling to deal with an adolescent son or daughter can take this counsel: be a good