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| Vladimir and Estragon as imagined by AI |
I have never written about my friends. Probably
because they have been quite as weird as I am. Or maybe because I never knew
how to establish deep bonds with anyone. Whenever I think of my friends or
friendship in general, the first thing that comes to mind is the conversation
between Samuel Beckett’s unforgettable duo. Here’s the conversation that has remained
in my heart for over four decades, getting better with age like fine wine and
occasionally leaving me with a hangover:
Estragon:
Don’t touch me! Don’t question me! Don’t speak to me! Stay with me!
Vladimir:
Did I ever leave you?
Estragon: You let me go.
Some of my best friends are like Vladimir. I am
Estragon anyway. I don’t like anyone getting too close to me – physically,
verbally, or emotionally. Keep a safe distance. I’m fragile. A strong hold can
break me. And so Vladimir lets me go; what else can he do? But that’s not what
I want!
It’s funny when I think of friends. I am like the math
book in a stale joke I’ve heard again and again. The math book was always
lonely because it had too many problems and not enough solutions. I was a huge
problem even to myself. No wonder why Vladimir always accused me of blaming my shoes
for the faults of my feet.
A student once got close enough to ask me what the
secret of my happy married life was. “We are not husband and wife,” I said. The
student was scandalised. “I mean we’re like friends, Maggie and I. We don’t question
each other; we understand each other. We don’t get too close; we let each other
grow. Every day. Even now, in the autumn of our life. And we are there for each
other, at any time, always.”
I’m writing this for a Blog-hop, to be
frank. I’m forcing myself to write this, in fact. Because Friendship Day is
around the corner and blogger-friend Manali Desai has put in a reminder in the
group.
There are a lot of friends in my life. Some were/are
colleagues. A few were classmates in some period of life – school, college,
university. There’s one guy in my village who has been a good friend, almost as
good as Vladimir, for nearly four decades now. When I need any help here in the
village, I call him up. And he helps invariably. A couple of months back
something went wrong with my electric connection. I knew the mistake was
somewhere in my house. I rang up Vladmir. It was 1.30 in the night.
He wakes up probably with a feeling of horror. Why a
call at this time? I tell him my problem. The problem is particularly acute
because my water tank has gone dry too. That is the real problem. Light can
wait till morning.
“Come over with your car and pick me up,” he said
without a moment’s hesitation. Within minutes of his arrival the problem was
identified and rectified. It wasn’t an easy job because the very connection to
the electric metre was burnt. Vladimir managed to set it right. He can do a lot
of such things. Once someone remarked about him that he could do a heart
surgery if the situation demanded that.
I remember my scooter accident a few years ago. My ankle was disjointed from the rest of the leg. The pain was awful as I travelled to hospital. Vladmir was by my side in the car. He put my injured foot in his lap and held it tight to prevent it from shaking as the car navigated the pothole-ridden rural road. Friend.
Now, eight years later, that road is a
smooth state highway!
A lot of things in my life have become smooth now as I
learnt to accept myself, warts and all. But I still keep a lot of people at a
safe distance. Some distance is good for healthy friendships. Do you know why
ghosts don’t make good friends? Because they see right through us.
PS. This post is a part
of ‘Friend Indeed Blog Hop’ hosted by Manali Desai and Sukaina Majeed.
Hari OM
ReplyDeleteAh... but then ghosts are the best of friends BECAUSE we can't hide from them! We either try to run (an almost impossible task), or we find it in ourselves to face up to them and, therefore, to ourselves... Great post, a little more learned. YAM xx
Friendship is not a light topic for me!
DeleteYou have the friends you can handle. And it sounds like you do have a couple very good friends.
ReplyDeleteA good many benign souls, yes.
DeleteBeautiful post
ReplyDeletePlease read my post
ReplyDeleteVery well explained Sir.some friends make a difference just by their presence.
ReplyDeleteThis blog post is a beautifully crafted and deeply personal reflection on friendship. Your honesty about your own vulnerabilities and the way you’ve intertwined them with Beckett’s dialogue adds a raw, genuine touch that feels incredibly relatable. The way you describe Vladimir’s unwavering support, especially in those late-night moments of need, paints a vivid picture of true friendship—one that’s built on trust, understanding, and a quiet but powerful presence.
ReplyDeleteThe humor, like comparing yourself to the math book with too many problems, adds a layer of charm and makes your narrative even more engaging. It’s clear that while you may keep people at a distance, the connections you do have are meaningful and cherished.
One suggestion to enhance the piece would be to explore how these friendships have shaped you over time—how they’ve helped you grow or understand yourself better. It might give readers a deeper glimpse into the impact these relationships have had on your life. But even without this, your post already stands as a heartfelt tribute to the unique bonds that make life richer.
Thanks for the detailed response and especially for the suggestion.
DeleteOne Vladimir is enough; we don't need more to enrich our lives. Your story reminded me of my late uncle who had this one friend who was there for him, no matter what. He would even go with my uncle to his office ( our family were business folks) and on holidays, he would come home. In fact, my grandma went to the extent of calling him her son. He was always there for my uncle until his very last breath. Such friends are hard to find. Sorry for such a long, personal story.
ReplyDeleteThanks for that story. It may not be easy to find such close bonds today.
DeleteThis is such a nice post and I am glad to know about your friends, all thanks to this blog hop. The best part is the last line and now I know why ghosts don't have friends. Only if we could see through people at once, we wouldn't have bad friends at all.
ReplyDeleteIf we could see people right through, life would have been quite impossible, I'd say.
DeleteGreat post as always. I've been away from your blog but coming back here, I always learn something new. This post really resonated with me because I'm like that too. I can't form deep bonds and I often worry about how my future will turn out due to this incapability, but I see from your post it's possible to have people we come to care for around. In hindsight, there have been many who have been good friends but for some reason it's hard to be vulnerable with them.
ReplyDeleteIn spite of limitations, people turn out to be better than what I expect of them! That's the real solace.
DeleteVery well explained sir. You have friends who rescue you. Till the way you are.. no attachment, no emotional bonding but yet the friendship is there. I do find myself like this sometimes or I can say I am learning to stay like this as I grow old.
ReplyDeleteIt isn't easy to find such friends. Most people are too human to keep such healthy distances.
Deletethe part about husband and wife and the scandalised student. It made me laugh. Always a treat to read your write-ups. Friendship can be tricky for all of us.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm glad to hear this.
DeleteI think most people go through life with a couple of true friends, the rest mere acquaintances. It is those 4 o 'clock friends who make life worth living. I enjoyed the humour in your post, especially the bit about ghosts at the end. :)
ReplyDeleteIt isn't easy for me to write about friends. That's the simple truth.
DeleteI have been reading your blog posts for a very long time but I still felt this is the most honest and rare glimpse into you and your person. I could relate so much with everything you said and is it just me or is there anguish in Estragon's "you let me go?" I'm glad you have a Vladimir in your life - we all need one.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad the post struck a chord with you.
DeleteI cannot deny the fact that your post made me smile throughout, the mention of math book and comparison of you with it, it was done precisely reminding me how math has been serving as culprit for many students
ReplyDeleteThis blog beautifully captures the essence of friendship in a deeply personal and reflective way. The blend of humour, vulnerability, and literary reference creates a unique narrative that resonates with anyone who has experienced the complexities of human connection. Your honest portrayal of maintaining a delicate balance in friendships—where distance can coexist with deep bonds is both thought-provoking and relatable.
ReplyDeleteSeeing through is the superpower I would like to have so that all the heartbreaks that happen in friendships can be avoided. You rightly said, Ghosts do not have friends because they can see through.
ReplyDeleteReflections on the delicate balance between closeness and distance in friendships are both thought-provoking and relatable. The comparison to Beckett's characters adds a profound touch, making this piece a heartfelt tribute to the friends who stand by us, even when we struggle to let them in.
ReplyDeleteThe way you connect your relationships with the dynamics between Vladimir and Estragon is brilliant. It's refreshing to see such an honest take on the complexities of friendship, especially the need for boundaries.
ReplyDeleteI hardly know about Vladamir but your heartfelt story of friendship and how the presence of your friend parted you from problems is commendable. Talking about your inner or hidden tales is not easy but you tried very nicely.
ReplyDeleteI have major trust issues and keep some things only to myself. So your statement " Some distance is good for healthy friendships." makes complete sense to me.
ReplyDelete