I have struggled with my ego for a very long period. In
fact, right from childhood. I had an irresistible need to be always right.
Every argument had to end with my word as the last. When people corrected my
mistakes, I felt offended. I could never accept defeats with even the slightest
of grace. These are all signs of an inflated ego. Somewhere in the middle of my
life my ego was hammered into pulp by certain committed benefactors in
Shillong. They did a good job because for years after that my ego didn’t raise
its head.
When your ego is under control, you
are more aware of yourself. You know that you are wrong sometimes and you can
admit your weaknesses and frailties without making a fuss about them. You make
amends when you err and you wish to avoid errors as far as possible. You have
the courage to apologise when errors still happen as they do invariably. When
others hurt you, you learn not to take the hurts to the heart. You try to
understand why others did it to you. You are tolerant and humble. You are ready
to pause and think twice before making remarks or comments.
Of late, I find myself getting into
problems with people. I reflected aloud this morning that my ego was raising
its head again and Maggie agreed instantly. She had been noticing the change in
my behaviour. I did get into a serious trouble with someone yesterday because
of my rising ego.
I realise that I need to check my ego
relentlessly. I can’t overcome the ego problem once and for all. There is some
insecurity feeling lying deep within me somewhere. I bring the hammer down on
my ego myself this time. I vow to spend a few minutes every morning and evening
to check my actions and even thoughts. I know that I am a tiny being in the
cosmos and I shouldn’t pretend to be otherwise.
Almost echoing Augustine’s Confessions… the touch with your inner being… journey on and into..,. and “
ReplyDeleteWalk with us… not before us and not behind us… just beside.”
Dealing with ego is so tough!
DeleteHari OM
ReplyDeleteA constant and personal battle - one that others join in when we start to lose it! That awareness will be as good a pruning as needed... YAM xx
Yes, the awareness is the starting point for the remedy.
DeleteIt is amazing that you have accepted it. And trust me, acceptance is already 25% of the way to improvement. All the best!
ReplyDeleteAcceptance of certain hard truths is painful but very rewarding.
DeleteWhen my husband and I use to have disagreements. Both of us had to get the last word in. Over time we both figure it best for one personal sanity it always don't need to have the last word in.
ReplyDeleteCoffee is on and stay safe.
Indeed winning an argument is a sure way to lose the relationship.
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ReplyDelete"Blessed is he who does not strive for the last word"- James Allen
👍
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