The Problem of Ego

I have struggled with my ego for a very long period. In fact, right from childhood. I had an irresistible need to be always right. Every argument had to end with my word as the last. When people corrected my mistakes, I felt offended. I could never accept defeats with even the slightest of grace. These are all signs of an inflated ego. Somewhere in the middle of my life my ego was hammered into pulp by certain committed benefactors in Shillong. They did a good job because for years after that my ego didn’t raise its head.

When your ego is under control, you are more aware of yourself. You know that you are wrong sometimes and you can admit your weaknesses and frailties without making a fuss about them. You make amends when you err and you wish to avoid errors as far as possible. You have the courage to apologise when errors still happen as they do invariably. When others hurt you, you learn not to take the hurts to the heart. You try to understand why others did it to you. You are tolerant and humble. You are ready to pause and think twice before making remarks or comments.

Of late, I find myself getting into problems with people. I reflected aloud this morning that my ego was raising its head again and Maggie agreed instantly. She had been noticing the change in my behaviour. I did get into a serious trouble with someone yesterday because of my rising ego.

I realise that I need to check my ego relentlessly. I can’t overcome the ego problem once and for all. There is some insecurity feeling lying deep within me somewhere. I bring the hammer down on my ego myself this time. I vow to spend a few minutes every morning and evening to check my actions and even thoughts. I know that I am a tiny being in the cosmos and I shouldn’t pretend to be otherwise.