Fiction
Religious
centres are the best places for studying human nature. All kinds of people assemble there. The best and the worst, the poor and the rich,
the mathematician and the novelist, the entire spectrum of human behaviour is available
at religious gatherings.
People
are driven to religion by entirely different motives. Dag Hammarskjold, a very famous UN Secretary
General and Nobel laureate said, when asked why he went to the church every week,
“Loyalty to the tribe.”
I
was at a Christian retreat centre for a week’s retreat. Retreat is a kind of meditation,
self-analysis, prayer, or whatever you would want it to be. I had gone for the retreat because I was
failing in my life. I was becoming an
alcoholic. Rather, I had become
one. And someone suggested the retreat
as a remedy when all other remedies including psychoanalysis had failed.
I
said “someone”. But the someone was none
other than my boss.
My
boss was a good man. He was
religious. I mean he was a priest. He still is.
But the story has to be told in the past tense, according to the English
lecturer, my colleague. I am a
mathematics lecturer who doesn’t know anything about story telling. So I asked for help from the English lecturer
who scowled at me when I said I wanted to write a story. How can a mathematics lecturer write
stories? He wondered. Mathematics is bloody numbers without a heart. Stories are words from the heart, he said.
I
have no heart. That is what he
implied. That is just what the retreat
preacher said too with Cartesian precision at the end of the weeklong
retreat. This is what saddens me. This is the problem I want to write in the
form of a story, in fact.
Even
my wife thinks I have no heart when I don’t drink. When I drink I speak lovingly to her. When I don’t drink I’m morose, she says. She said,
I must say to be linguistically correct. “When you don’t drink, you only speak about heartless
Euler and Gauss,” she said. And when I
drink I speak about Narendra Modi and Arvind Kejriwal. Do they have heart? I don’t know.
Oh,
I’m breaking the rule of the English lecturer.
I’m going into present tense. Forgive me, I cannot stick to rules when I
come to real life, I mean life outside mathematics. I never knew art had so many rules. I always think, “How wonderful it would be
break free from the rules of mathematics!”
But
people play mathematics in life. They
call it politics. Politics is
mathematics. In fact, my problem with
mathematics started the day I realised that politics was mathematics. No psychiatrist could heal me of that
problem. I think psychiatrists never
studied any mathematics. I also wondered
whether psychiatrists were people who failed in life altogether.
Now
that I have completed my retreat I wonder whether priests are also people who
failed in life altogether.
My
retreat preacher, Reverend Father T G Joseph, folded his arms standing before
the name board of the retreat centre: “Divine Preaching Mission”. Just behind him were some of the other
believers who had attended the retreat with me.
One of them had asked me on my way out, “Do you think Descartes who said
‘I think, therefore I exist’ and then went on to make the geometrical coordinates
was a mathematician or a philosopher or a religious person?”
There
was also in that crowd a man who had told me during one of the few intervals in
the retreat, “I am a wife-beater. I
think my wife loves those beatings. When
I don’t beat her she thinks I don’t love her.”
There was another man who had told me while smoking a beedi that was smuggled in, “There’s
food here when you’re hungry. Food for
the body. Who cares for the food for the
bloody soul?”
This is an excellent piece of writing. Enjoyed reading every bit of it.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Namrata. When I read it again about 12 hours after posting it, I thought it was more complex than I had intended it to be. Now that you say it's excellent, I'm consoled.
DeleteLoved it!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Amit. I'm consoled. :)
DeleteSir, a highly mathematical fiction. Don't you know I'm weak in maths? But how can I be counted when you write a story without your boss's English Lecturer friend's help............:)?
ReplyDeleteM, this was not a story that I had planned at any time. It just came like that. When I started writing it I had something else in mind. There are times when your subconscious mind takes over as you start writing. This story is an example of that.
DeleteGreat writing.
ReplyDeleteProvokes one to think about quite many things.
Why did you have to call *Fiction*?
It's some sort of ramblings of your subconscious - more than anything else.....
Pokes the reader with a fine needle.....
True, Dom. It's just subconscious rambling. But when I read it again and again (which I never do with other posts), I realised a novel is required to say what I wanted to say. So it's more than rambling. It came out as rambling, that's all. There's a method in my madness, in other words.
DeleteI really didn't mean to poke any needle really. If I did, what I can do?
Well, this could be converted into a 1000-pages thesis :)
ReplyDeleteYes, Pankti. I packed too many themes in too little a space.
DeleteI really love the list that you made, and I thank you for the wonderful essay. You can click the link to find a an Arizona healing retreat Diamond Mountain Retreat Center is here to help you. Happy to assist, please.
ReplyDelete