Fiction
“A centipede is crawling
across a road with a velocity of one foot per minute. There are vehicles
plying on the road at the rate of one per five minutes. The vehicles are of
various widths like bikes, cars and buses. What is the probability of the
centipede crossing the road alive?”
“Nil,” said Rohan
without even thinking for a moment.
Radhakrishna, the
mathematics teacher, was stupefied. He had expected the
brilliant student to sit and apply some formulas. What is mathematics
without formulas?
Radhakrishna had given
the problem to Rohan in order to keep him quiet in the class. Rohan was an ADHD
student according to the counsellor of the school. He needed a lot of
attention. ADHD
means that, hai na? Attention Deficit? So the loving and caring
mathematics teacher gave him all the attention he could. He gave him all the
problems that his knowledge of mathematics could create. He was particularly fond
of algebra and Rohan turned out to be an expert with all the formulas in the
algebra that Radhakrishna knew. It was then that the
teacher sought the advice of Professor Miranandan who handed over the centipede
on a platter.
“Show me the calculations. The steps of your
calculations are vital in CBSE’s value points,” said Radhakrishna to Rohan.
“Arey Sir, your question
is infinitely more absurd than the universe which has at least some laws like gravity. But
I will solve it nevertheless if you tell me the velocity of each vehicle, its
acceleration, wheelbase...”
Radhakrishna stared at
Rohan. Rohan
stared back.
It was then Sohan
dangled a bra in front of the class.
“Alge-Bra. Alge-Bra.
This is the bra that Radha Sir was trying to pull out from our balcony last
night.”
Radhakrishna was saved
soon from the classroom by the Principal who rushed there in spite of the
obesity he had amassed in direct proportion to the donations paid by hapless
parents.
“Algebra has become
bra,” Leela shouted. Leela had a particular reason to shout. Her
inner thigh had been pinched by Radhakrishnan Sir the other day for failing to
get one step right in a problem which applied the formula (a+b-c)3.
Radhakrishna left the
village the very next day bearing the shame of bra-lifting. But his mathematical
mind was more preoccupied with his ADHD student’s universal laws of
gravity. Gravity. Grave. Gravitation. Pull. Yes, everything pulls
everything else. Sitting under a coconut tree which had thankfully no coconuts to
fall on his head like Newton’s apple, Radhakrishna was attaining
enlightenment. He
refused to go to school though his magnanimous wife forgave his sin of
pilfering the bra of Sohan’s mother. The thunderstruck
coconut tree was in the next village and it was superstitiously avoided by
people.
A stranger passing by
thought Radhakrishna was a beggar and threw a ten rupee note as carelessly as a
priest who gave gratuitous counsels to devotees. Radhakrishna was in too
deep a contemplation to notice ten rupees. But more and more people
passed by and the ten rupee note extracted the devotion and more currency notes
soon which Radhakrishna could not ignore.
Radhakrishna soon became
Radha Swami.
Algebra gave way to the
Vedas.
“Those who are misers
will never part with their money,” Radha Swami started his Satsang homily with
a quote from Rig Veda.
The misers opened their
wallets.
Radha Swami’s wife
opened a bank account which overflew with currency from abroad soon as devotees
sought online delivery of Radha Swami’s instant wisdom from beneath a
thunderstruck coconut tree.
“Bra Baba is going to
buy the Manorama estate,” announced Leela one day in the class.
The Manorama estate was
soon razed to the ground in order to construct what Radha Swami called an
ashram.
Eventually acres and
acres of land was bought up by Radha Swami Ashram Trust whose motto was “Trust,
isn’t that everything?”
Only Leela and Sohan and
their friends referred to the Swami as Bra Baba. They were still
children. When
they grow up they will also become trustees of the Trust. Let us forgive them.
Rohan still remained an
ADHD problem even for the Bra Baba in his mind. So the Baba appointed a
corporate honcho to evict Rohan’s family from the village that was no more a
village now...
You forgot to post a disclaimer that this story doesn't have any relationship to all person living or dead and all the similarities, especially with our so called godmen, are unintentional and coincidental. 😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteLoved the muted sarcasm.
😑😑☺☺
DeleteI'm gratified.
One of the best satires I have read recently
ReplyDeleteThanks, Saket.
DeleteHa ha a dark comedy. Bras are ruling the world.
ReplyDeleteAnd their tribe is on the rise.
DeleteHa ! Ha ! Ha ! Simply marvellous Sir !
ReplyDeleteI was pleasantly surprised to receive 600 views the day this story went online.
DeleteHa ha:) a wonderful breather, Tom sir:) Thank you:)
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure, Amit ji.
Delete