The Great Indian Hero Awards

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Here we are at the close of 2017. Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, the Bard declared some four centuries ago. But we now live in a different world where heroes are the happiest people. That’s all the more reason to celebrate them. Welcome to The Great Indian Hero Show.

The Machiavelli Award of the year goes to

Yup, you guessed it right

None other than

Our Most Beloved, His Highness, the Gym Chested, the Bravado among the Bravest, the Star among Superstars, the Gulliver among Voyagers, the Chanakya of the 21^st Century, our very own Prayan Mantri, Mr Narendra Modi. Niccolo Machiavelli, the author of the classical handbook for rulers – The Prince – said: “The lion cannot protect himself from traps, and the fox cannot defend himself from wolves. One must therefore be a fox to recognize traps, and a lion to frighten wolves.” Mr Modi has successfully trapped foxes and frightened lions right from the year 2002 till date. He has proved right the Machiavellian saying that it is much safer to be feared than loved. Look at the way his enemies are cowering in fear when new rules are passed with the ease of snapping fingers and tapping feet. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, India is proud of this Superstar, this man who has visited more countries than any Prime Minister of India, who has more sent shivers down the spines of kingdoms than any king of any country, the man who can make your money black or white overnight, the man who can make you a king or a beggar with the snap of a finger, a man who can transmute the entire history of a nation, who can do plastic surgery on God Ganesha, yes, ladies and gentlemen, The Machiavelli Award of the year for the most penetrating ruler goes to

The Durvasa Award of the Year goes to

Yup

Who else but our very beloved Yogi who has cast the most diabolic curses on the enemies of the nation. And has exculpated himself from the countless criminal charges against him with the mere stroke of a pen. He has proved that the pen is mightier than the sword with the ease of throwing a dead body into the holy Ganga. He has proved that his state is more literate than Kerala, more tolerant than Sikkim, more beef – sorry, cow-loving – than Nagaland, snowier than Kashmir, holier than Kedarnath, calmer than Kamarup, and ladies and gentlemen, Yogier than Yogi Adityanath, the Durvasa of deshdrohis, the nemesis of you-name-it…

The Veer Savarkar Award

Oh, you guessed it already,

okay then no intros,

goes to

our very contemporary Veer, the veerest of the veer, the unifier of the nation, the Hinduest of all Hindus, the nationalist of all nationalists, the queerest of all queers, the weirdest of all beardless yogis, the greatest moustache among the Sanghis

yes, to one and only Mohan Bhag – yes, bhag, clap your hands ladies and gentlemen, for our own Bhag-Bhag-Bhagwat.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for being part of this Award Ceremony.

Disclaimer: Why all Right wing people raise their left hand while delivering their pompous promises is still a mystery.

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