Skip to main content

Satanic Netas

Image from Scoopwhoop

In Dostoevsky’s novel, The Karamazov Brothers, Ivan Karamazov tells the story of Jesus returning to the 16th century Spain where the Catholic Church ruled the roost with the cruel diktats of Inquisitors. Jesus heals the wounds of the people while the Inquisitors seek to eliminate the perceived enemies of their religion. He is arrested soon, however, by the Grand Inquisitor’s guards. The Cardinal who is the Grand Inquisitor tells Jesus to leave the earth since it is the Satan that guides the Church and not the teachings of Jesus. People wouldn’t be able to put Jesus’ teachings into practice. People need their daily bread, occasional miracles and a readymade conscience. These are what Satan had offered to Jesus during his temptations described in the Bible. Satan was right and the Church has been performing the work of Satan ever since it took over the Roman Empire, not because the Church is evil but because it seeks the best and most secure order for mankind.

The best and most secure order for the people is what all religious leaders who seek power profess to provide. The Bharatiya Janata Party, under the leadership of Mr Modi, is offering precisely that: the best and most secure order to the people of India. That is the claim, at least. Quite many people in the country believe that the claim is not only legitimate but also the need of the hour. Mr Modi has been eminently successful in convincing a sizeable population of the nation that he is the nation’s Messiah. People have always loved Messiahs.

Genuine Messiahs have been eliminated by the same people who loved them once. Genuine Messiahs become inconvenient after a while. But Mr Modi is the contemporary counterpart of the Grand Inquisitor. That is why human rights activists get arrested labelled as urban Naxals or whatever, innocent people get lynched by mobs, and absurd claims are accepted as scriptural truths. That is also why Mr Modi will go on becoming more and more powerful as days go by.

This post is triggered by the latest Indispire prompt thrown by Arvind Passey:

So my focus should be on the scriptural truths created by the #IdiotsInParliament. However, the protracted introduction above was unavoidable because I wished to make this post as intelligent as my worthy antagonists are crooked.

The prime antagonist was the one who initiated the creation of the current scriptural truths. He set the game in motion with claims like: “We worship Lord Ganesha. There must have been some plastic surgeon at that time who got an elephant’s head on the body of a human being and began the practice of plastic surgery.” Mr Modi told this to no less distinguished a gathering than the doctors and other professionals at a hospital in Mumbai a few months after he became the Prime Minister of his country which he had promised to take to eminent heights of “development”. He went on to cite other similar examples: “We all read about Karna in the Mahabharata. If we think a little more, we realise that the Mahabharata says Karna was not born from his mother’s womb. This means that genetic science was present at that time. That is why Karna could be born outside his mother’s womb.”

Soon Mr Modi’s party members competed with one another in offering the nation similar scriptural truths. Vijay Rupani, the Chief Minister of Gujarat, acclaimed Lord Rama’s “engineers” who built the Ram Setu [also known as Adam’s bridge, it is a chain of limestone shoals connecting India to Sri Lanka]. Lord Ram’s engineers were able to enlist the help of even squirrels, claimed Rupani.

Shankarbhai Vegad, a BJP MP from Gujarat, taught India that “Cow dung and cow urine can cure cancer.” The excreta of cows, both in solid and liquid versions, became sacrosanct in India soon after Mr Modi ascended the throne in Indraprastha, so much so that quite many Indians lost their lives for the sake of that holy excreta. The education minister of Rajasthan, Vasudev Devnani, discovered that “Cows exhale oxygen”. The cow is the new goddess in India, the holiest of holy, in any-which-way you look at it.

Even Darwin has not been left alone by these new legislators of India. Satyapal Singh, India’s Minister for higher education, declared Darwin wrong. “Nobody, including our ancestors, in written or oral, said they ever saw an ape turning into a human being,” he said. As simple as that!

Another BJP MP, Ramesh Pokhriyal Nishank, made Maharshi Kanad [c600 BCE] the father of the nuclear bomb. The Maharshi “conducted a nuclear test during his time,” said the MP.

Radha Mohan Singh, the Union Minister for Agriculture, taught us that Yogic farming [whatever that is] would “empower the seeds with the help of positive thinking.” He exhorted farmers to “enhance the potency of seeds by rays of Parmatma Shakti.”

Soon pseudo-sciences like astrology will become scientific courses in Indian universities.

Well, one could go on and on with this sort of jokes which are actually gaining currency in the country as science. The question raised by Arvind Passey is: “Why do they make such ridiculous statements?” My answer is: “It’s a power game.”

When Christianity took over the Roman Empire with the blessings of Emperor Constantine, one of the first things it did was to rewrite its hitherto subaltern theology. The First Council of Nicaea recreated Christianity. Mr Modi is recreating Hinduism in India.


  1. I agree as prime minister of India he should not have made such a statement, because he had no access to knowhow, if and when, such a technique was developed. I think reason behind his statement may be he believes civilisations come and go in a cyclical fashion. In his mind what might have happened was correct. If by quirk of fate today a majority of us are eliminated, then surviving members may not have any clue how computers operate, how a rocket is launched etc. You may disagree, but this must be behind his thinking. But he should not have said it in public.

  2. :) love your writing and back to the basic attitude.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Adventures of Toto as a comic strip

  'The Adventures of Toto' is an amusing story by Ruskin Bond. It is prescribed as a lesson in CBSE's English course for class 9. Maggie asked her students to do a project on some of the lessons and Femi George's work is what I would like to present here. Femi converted the story into a beautiful comic strip. Her work will speak for itself and let me present it below.  Femi George Student of Carmel Public School, Vazhakulam, Kerala Similar post: The Little Girl


My association with the ICICI Bank goes back by about twenty years when I opened my account at their Saket branch in Delhi. The first thing that struck me about the bank was the suave and deferential ways of the staff which was a stark contrast to what I was used to in the other two banks which I was compelled to associate myself with. The Punjab National Bank which had my salary account was an utter disaster with its rude and listless staff. The State Bank of India which held my PPF account was the pinnacle of inefficiecy. ICICI came as a pleasant and welcome contrast. However, that bank too underwent an evolution in the wrong direction as time went. When the number of clients rose and the workload became heavy, the gentleness of the staff was the first casualty. Nevertheless, the bank remained far superior to the other two. When I shifted to Kerala I transferred my account to the branch in my hometown. Here the staff were exquisite. But I hardly had to visit the branch because I

The Little Girl

The Little Girl is a short story by Katherine Mansfield given in the class 9 English course of NCERT. Maggie gave an assignment to her students based on the story and one of her students, Athena Baby Sabu, presented a brilliant job. She converted the story into a delightful comic strip. Mansfield tells the story of Kezia who is the eponymous little girl. Kezia is scared of her father who wields a lot of control on the entire family. She is punished severely for an unwitting mistake which makes her even more scared of her father. Her grandmother is fond of her and is her emotional succour. The grandmother is away from home one day with Kezia's mother who is hospitalised. Kezia gets her usual nightmare and is terrified. There is no one at home to console her except her father from whom she does not expect any consolation. But the father rises to the occasion and lets the little girl sleep beside him that night. She rests her head on her father's chest and can feel his heart