The last snap I took of Brownie |
That Brownie went away without giving me a hint is
what makes her absence so painful. It’s nearly a month and I know now for
certain that she won’t return. Worse, I know that she didn’t want to leave me.
She couldn’t have.
Brownie is the only creature who could make me do what she wanted. She had the liberty to walk into my bedroom at any time of the night and wake me up for a bite of her favourite food. She would sit below the bed and meow. If I didn’t get up and follow her, she would climb on the bed and meow to my face. She knew I would get up and follow her to the cupboard where bags of cat food were stored.
My Mistress in my study |
Brownie was not my only cat; there
were three others. But none of the other three ever made the kind of demands
that Brownie made. If any of them came to eat the food I served Brownie at odd
hours of the night, Brownie would flatly refuse to eat with them in spite of
the fact that it was she who had brought me out of my bedroom. She would give
the other cats a contemptuous look and sit far away. She knew I would serve her
separately.
Maggie teased me many a time that
Brownie was the only creature on earth that could make me toe the line so
easily.
The truth is I enjoyed catering to Brownie’s ego. I wasn’t making her feel special, I felt, she was making me feel special. She wouldn’t ever do with anyone else the sort of things she did with me. She made me feel like I was her god though she behaved like a goddess herself. Brownie and I were peers in a realm that stood far beyond human gradations.
I remember Brownie’s first delivery.
She made a lot of fuss when the pains started. I caressed her forehead which
she loved. I fondled her belly. I had arranged a spacious carton which I lined
with newspapers and soft cloth for her delivery. She couldn’t quite endure all
that pain. Or she was puzzled. I don’t know. I left her to herself in the
carton and went to bed. Just as I glided into deep slumber, I was woken up by a
strange sound. Brownie was there by my side on the bed with a newborn kitten
between her teeth. Her sacred gift to me. Then I realised that Brownie was all
baffled. She was still to make sense of what was happening, I think.
I took her and her newborn kitten to
the place I had prepared for her kittening. It was all a mess. I changed the
lining with new papers and cloth and told Brownie that the pain was normal and
she had to accept it. She seemed to have understood. She didn’t make an
offering of her next two kittens to me on my bed.
Pregnancy was never easy for Brownie.
She demanded a lot of attention in the days prior to her subsequent deliveries.
She would stand right in front of me with a bowed forehead for days before each
delivery. If I didn’t caress her forehead, she would start rubbing it against
my body until I became her masseur.
Her last two deliveries altered her character. The kittens were all dead within hours of the delivery in both cases. I don’t know what went wrong. I think Brownie had no milk at all for her newborns. Whatever the cause, Brownie became more aloof from the other cats. She began to hate them. She started spending more time with me. Whenever I was in my study, she would come there and make herself cosy either in my lap or on my table somewhere.
Superiority Complex |
Brownie extracted a lot of my
attention and patience. But I was never annoyed. On the contrary, I felt rather
proud that an animal, which usually doesn’t care much for humans, entrusted
itself to my care. Not many creatures in my acquaintance had ever found me
lovable. Brownie deserved an award, I thought. And my unswerving pampering was
my award for her.
When she failed to appear in my study
as usual one day last month, I went calling her name all over the place. I
could sense a horrifying weight descending into my chest.
Many days after her disappearance,
someone told Maggie that the dead body of a calico cat was found on the
roadside by someone. Nothing was certain. Nobody seemed to know where the body
was seen. It must have been a vehicle run-over, that’s all what everyone said.
Maggie and I walked on the road for a while. But I knew I had lost Brownie for
ever.
The lesson that Brownie taught me is eternal. What you do for someone you love is never a pain or sacrifice. Love is a pleasure, a divine delight.
Your story reminds me of my bond with Bruno, he made me believe in love like no one ever did. We lost him with Sawan. I still feel If I had an individual house and not an apartment, I would have never let him live anywhere else. Now I have a pet of my own and I don’t there is anything more beautiful than being a parent to a pet.
ReplyDeleteHari Om
ReplyDeleteYou have my condolences for the loss of Brownie. YAM xx
I'm so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteSad to read, Prayers for Brownie ....
ReplyDeleteI remember her. Condolences.
ReplyDeleteReally sorry for your loss
ReplyDelete