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Ramdev Remedy for Terrorism


Baba Ramdev is the 21st century sage.  In the ancient system, the sage went away from the world of men to places like the Himalayas and afflicted themselves with the extremes of what their normal counterparts in the normal world endured.  Ramdev has redefined religion for the 21st century.  Religion need not be a pain in the posterior; it can be a luxury – that’s the new Veda.

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The other day the Baba came up with Patanjali atta noodles to counter Nestle’s Maggi.  The yogi has now come up with yogawear which is expected to give Nike and Adidas a run for their money.   “The spiritual guru will soon launch health drinks such as Powervita to take on Horlicks and Bournvita, babycare and beauty products...,” reports the Times of India.  Patanjali has become a brand name, thanks to the inspiring entrepreneurial skills of the yogi.  It may even buy up the entire country in a few years’ time and rename it Ramdevstan.  We will have everything from cooking salt to smartphone supplied by Baba Ramdev Inc.  Our dress, our language, our religion, everything will be available at Patanjali outlets. 

This is true aggiornamento: making religion up to date. 

When the Islamic aggiornamentalists have gone totally mental trying to update their religion and are shedding their frustrations viciously on what the average man would consider as symbols of culture and civilisation, Baba Ramdev teaches us the effective way of bringing religion to people.  When you are in the land of snake-charmers, be a melody in the pungi.  When everything from drinking water to medical services has been converted into a consumer product, religion and gods cannot escape the fate.  Baba Ramdev is the first person to realise this truth.  That is his genius.  His religion is a Rs 5000-crore enterprise now and is growing more rapidly than firms with CEOs whose expertise was nurtured at Harvard or LSE.  Soon gods and their blessings will be available to us in tetrapacks at Patanjali retail outlets.

Ramdev can and should be the inspiration to all religious terrorists.  They should learn how to adapt innovative and effective methods to achieve goals.  

Ramdev has given us all sorts of remedies.  He gave us Putrajeevak Beej for begetting sons and avoiding daughters.  He has antidote for AIDS and cancer.  Perhaps, he will soon grant us capsules against terrorism.  In the meanwhile, let us make a beeline for Yogawear, Patanjali instant noodles, and Powervita.  Jai Sri Ramdev!

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  1. UnknownNovember 18, 2015 at 10:53 AM

    Given the theory that Maggi was suddenly banned so as to make way for his brand of noodles, I won't be surprised if the same happened to Nike and Adidas.
    "Inspiration to all religious terrorists" I love your scathing sarcasm!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalNovember 18, 2015 at 7:15 PM

      Sarcasm is a good defence mechanism :) How else can we deal with these people who are growing more and more powerful?

      On the other hand, isn't it better that the Baba engages in this commerce than the trade of human blood as many other guardians of religions do? Just imagine the IS turned their energy to Islamic medicine, Islamic food, Islamic cosmetics, and so on. The world would be spared of bombardments.

      Delete
    2. UnknownNovember 19, 2015 at 10:04 AM

      Haha, yes, as John Lennon said, they can handle you if you're violent, but what they can't handle is non violence and humor!

      Delete
  2. Yogi SaraswatNovember 19, 2015 at 9:49 AM

    That is his genius. His religion is a Rs 5000-crore enterprise now and is growing more rapidly than firms with CEOs whose expertise was nurtured at Harvard or LSE. Soon gods and their blessings will be available to us in tetrapacks at Patanjali retail outlets.Perhaps, he will soon grant us capsules against terrorism. Hahaha. I am neither a supporter nor in oppose of Baba Ramdev . But agree with you that he made us to think again the function of MBA from LSE or other institutes. you wrote true words with lighter mood.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalNovember 19, 2015 at 3:55 PM

      And as a friend texted on whatsapp "a half-naked male model" instead of mesmerizing females :)

      Delete
  3. Ravi SinghNovember 19, 2015 at 7:30 PM

    I would love to eat Baba's maggi. It will give a tough competition to original maggi. He has remedy for almost any issue. Ty for writing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalNovember 19, 2015 at 7:44 PM

      Remedy? Well, what shall I say? Unfortunately, I'm extremely sceptical of the religious people. If you do some sincere research into the Baba's remedies some shocking truths are likely to emerge.

      Delete
  4. Titas BiswasNovember 20, 2015 at 8:24 PM

    I had a good laugh,first of all.I love dry humour,especially in articles related to politics.Yes,he seems to have the remedy for every issue in this country.Someday,he is going to manufacture pills for getting skinny,serums that instantly work in halving down your age and drugs that can help you get fitter everyday.
    After all,nothing is impossible for sages who were born in Southeast Asia,they are blessed with magical powers and all that charm and ability to sacrifice.We trivial beings,where do we stand that we are even trying to judge him?
    We should bow down in reverence and in so much overwhelming a form of it that we wouldn't be able to sit straight back again until our shoulders ache......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalNovember 20, 2015 at 8:42 PM

      Have your laugh. Nothing will endure unless it has intrinsic durability. Fads come and go. The noise will die down. Not even memories survive unless they deserve the survival. Let time prove this man's worth.

      Delete
  5. Rajeev MoothedathNovember 21, 2015 at 2:16 PM

    Sarcasm apart, Ramdev seems to provide materials cheaper & healthier..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalNovember 21, 2015 at 8:07 PM

      Then he will have to make it clear whether he is a yogi or a businessman. Or a healthy combination of both or a vicious combination. Probably, he is a healthy combination. I still remember how he escaped from the Delhi protest against corruption wearing a woman's dress.

      Delete
  6. ShantanuNovember 26, 2015 at 10:33 PM

    "Vyangya" - at its power!

    ReplyDelete

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