Skip to main content

Ramdev Remedy for Terrorism


Baba Ramdev is the 21st century sage.  In the ancient system, the sage went away from the world of men to places like the Himalayas and afflicted themselves with the extremes of what their normal counterparts in the normal world endured.  Ramdev has redefined religion for the 21st century.  Religion need not be a pain in the posterior; it can be a luxury – that’s the new Veda.

Source
The other day the Baba came up with Patanjali atta noodles to counter Nestle’s Maggi.  The yogi has now come up with yogawear which is expected to give Nike and Adidas a run for their money.   “The spiritual guru will soon launch health drinks such as Powervita to take on Horlicks and Bournvita, babycare and beauty products...,” reports the Times of India.  Patanjali has become a brand name, thanks to the inspiring entrepreneurial skills of the yogi.  It may even buy up the entire country in a few years’ time and rename it Ramdevstan.  We will have everything from cooking salt to smartphone supplied by Baba Ramdev Inc.  Our dress, our language, our religion, everything will be available at Patanjali outlets. 

This is true aggiornamento: making religion up to date. 

When the Islamic aggiornamentalists have gone totally mental trying to update their religion and are shedding their frustrations viciously on what the average man would consider as symbols of culture and civilisation, Baba Ramdev teaches us the effective way of bringing religion to people.  When you are in the land of snake-charmers, be a melody in the pungi.  When everything from drinking water to medical services has been converted into a consumer product, religion and gods cannot escape the fate.  Baba Ramdev is the first person to realise this truth.  That is his genius.  His religion is a Rs 5000-crore enterprise now and is growing more rapidly than firms with CEOs whose expertise was nurtured at Harvard or LSE.  Soon gods and their blessings will be available to us in tetrapacks at Patanjali retail outlets.

Ramdev can and should be the inspiration to all religious terrorists.  They should learn how to adapt innovative and effective methods to achieve goals.  

Ramdev has given us all sorts of remedies.  He gave us Putrajeevak Beej for begetting sons and avoiding daughters.  He has antidote for AIDS and cancer.  Perhaps, he will soon grant us capsules against terrorism.  In the meanwhile, let us make a beeline for Yogawear, Patanjali instant noodles, and Powervita.  Jai Sri Ramdev!

Labels

Labels:

Comments

  1. UnknownNovember 18, 2015 at 10:53 AM

    Given the theory that Maggi was suddenly banned so as to make way for his brand of noodles, I won't be surprised if the same happened to Nike and Adidas.
    "Inspiration to all religious terrorists" I love your scathing sarcasm!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalNovember 18, 2015 at 7:15 PM

      Sarcasm is a good defence mechanism :) How else can we deal with these people who are growing more and more powerful?

      On the other hand, isn't it better that the Baba engages in this commerce than the trade of human blood as many other guardians of religions do? Just imagine the IS turned their energy to Islamic medicine, Islamic food, Islamic cosmetics, and so on. The world would be spared of bombardments.

      Delete
    2. UnknownNovember 19, 2015 at 10:04 AM

      Haha, yes, as John Lennon said, they can handle you if you're violent, but what they can't handle is non violence and humor!

      Delete
  2. Yogi SaraswatNovember 19, 2015 at 9:49 AM

    That is his genius. His religion is a Rs 5000-crore enterprise now and is growing more rapidly than firms with CEOs whose expertise was nurtured at Harvard or LSE. Soon gods and their blessings will be available to us in tetrapacks at Patanjali retail outlets.Perhaps, he will soon grant us capsules against terrorism. Hahaha. I am neither a supporter nor in oppose of Baba Ramdev . But agree with you that he made us to think again the function of MBA from LSE or other institutes. you wrote true words with lighter mood.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalNovember 19, 2015 at 3:55 PM

      And as a friend texted on whatsapp "a half-naked male model" instead of mesmerizing females :)

      Delete
  3. Ravi SinghNovember 19, 2015 at 7:30 PM

    I would love to eat Baba's maggi. It will give a tough competition to original maggi. He has remedy for almost any issue. Ty for writing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalNovember 19, 2015 at 7:44 PM

      Remedy? Well, what shall I say? Unfortunately, I'm extremely sceptical of the religious people. If you do some sincere research into the Baba's remedies some shocking truths are likely to emerge.

      Delete
  4. Titas BiswasNovember 20, 2015 at 8:24 PM

    I had a good laugh,first of all.I love dry humour,especially in articles related to politics.Yes,he seems to have the remedy for every issue in this country.Someday,he is going to manufacture pills for getting skinny,serums that instantly work in halving down your age and drugs that can help you get fitter everyday.
    After all,nothing is impossible for sages who were born in Southeast Asia,they are blessed with magical powers and all that charm and ability to sacrifice.We trivial beings,where do we stand that we are even trying to judge him?
    We should bow down in reverence and in so much overwhelming a form of it that we wouldn't be able to sit straight back again until our shoulders ache......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalNovember 20, 2015 at 8:42 PM

      Have your laugh. Nothing will endure unless it has intrinsic durability. Fads come and go. The noise will die down. Not even memories survive unless they deserve the survival. Let time prove this man's worth.

      Delete
  5. Rajeev MoothedathNovember 21, 2015 at 2:16 PM

    Sarcasm apart, Ramdev seems to provide materials cheaper & healthier..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalNovember 21, 2015 at 8:07 PM

      Then he will have to make it clear whether he is a yogi or a businessman. Or a healthy combination of both or a vicious combination. Probably, he is a healthy combination. I still remember how he escaped from the Delhi protest against corruption wearing a woman's dress.

      Delete
  6. ShantanuNovember 26, 2015 at 10:33 PM

    "Vyangya" - at its power!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ayodhya: Kingdom of Sorrows

T he Sarayu carried more tears than water. Ayodhya was a sad kingdom. Dasaratha was a good king. He upheld dharma – justice and morality – as best as he could. The citizens were apparently happy. Then, one day, it all changed. One person is enough to change the destiny of a whole kingdom. Who was that one person? Some say it was Kaikeyi, one of the three official wives of Dasaratha. Some others say it was Manthara, Kaikeyi’s chief maid. Manthara was a hunchback. She was the caretaker of Kaikeyi right from the latter’s childhood; foster mother, so to say, because Kaikeyi had no mother. The absence of maternal influence can distort a girl child’s personality. With a foster mother like Manthara, the distortion can be really bad. Manthara was cunning, selfish, and morally ambiguous. A severe physical deformity can make one worse than all that. Manthara was as devious and manipulative as a woman could be in a men’s world. Add to that all the jealousy and ambition that insecure peo...
39 comments
Read more

Bharata: The Ascetic King

Bharata is disillusioned yet again. His brother, Rama the ideal man, Maryada Purushottam , is making yet another grotesque demand. Sita Devi has to prove her purity now, years after the Agni Pariksha she arranged for herself long ago in Lanka itself. Now, when she has been living for years far away from Rama with her two sons Luva and Kusha in the paternal care of no less a saint than Valmiki himself! What has happened to Rama? Bharata sits on the bank of the Sarayu with tears welling up in his eyes. Give me an answer, Sarayu, he said. Sarayu accepted Bharata’s tears too. She was used to absorbing tears. How many times has Rama come and sat upon this very same bank and wept too? Life is sorrow, Sarayu muttered to Bharata. Even if you are royal descendants of divinity itself. Rama had brought the children Luva and Kusha to Ayodhya on the day of the Ashvamedha Yagna which he was conducting in order to reaffirm his sovereignty and legitimacy over his kingdom. He didn’t know they w...
29 comments
Read more

Liberated

Fiction - parable Vijay was familiar enough with soil and the stones it turns up to realise that he had struck something rare.   It was a tiny stone, a pitch black speck not larger than the tip of his little finger. It turned up from the intestine of the earth while Vijay was digging a pit for the biogas plant. Anand, the scientist from the village, got the stone analysed in his lab and assured, “It is a rare object.   A compound of carbonic acid and magnesium.” Anand and his fellow scientists believed that it must be a fragment of a meteoroid that hit the earth millions of years ago.   “Very rare indeed,” concluded the scientist. Now, it’s plain commonsense that something that’s very rare indeed must be very valuable too. All the more so if it came from the heavens. So Vijay got the village goldsmith to set it on a gold ring.   Vijay wore the ring proudly on his ring finger. Nobody, in the village, however bothered to pay any homage to Vijay’s...
47 comments
Read more

Abdullah’s Religion

O Abdulla Renowned Malayalam movie actor Mohanlal recently offered special prayers for Mammootty, another equally renowned actor of Kerala. The ritual was performed at Sabarimala temple, one of the supreme Hindu pilgrimage centres in Kerala. No one in Kerala found anything wrong in Mohanlal, a Hindu, praying for Mammootty, a Muslim, to a Hindu deity. Malayalis were concerned about Mammootty’s wellbeing and were relieved to know that the actor wasn’t suffering from anything as serious as it appeared. Except O Abdulla. Who is this Abdulla? I had never heard of him until he created an unsavoury controversy about a Hindu praying for a Muslim. This man’s Facebook profile describes him as: “Former Professor Islahiaya, Media Critic, Ex-Interpreter of Indian Ambassador, Founder Member MADHYAMAM.” He has 108K followers on FB. As I was reading Malayalam weekly this morning, I came to know that this Abdulla is a former member of Jamaat-e-Islami Hind Kerala , a fundamentalist organisation. ...
10 comments
Read more

Empuraan – Review

Revenge is an ancient theme in human narratives. Give a moral rationale for the revenge and make the antagonist look monstrously evil, then you have the material for a good work of art. Add to that some spices from contemporary politics and the recipe is quite right for a hit movie. This is what you get in the Malayalam movie, Empuraan , which is running full houses now despite the trenchant opposition to it from the emergent Hindutva forces in the state. First of all, I fail to understand why so much brouhaha was hollered by the Hindutvans [let me coin that word for sheer convenience] who managed to get some 3 minutes censored from the 3-hour movie. The movie doesn’t make any explicit mention of any of the existing Hindutva political parties or other organisations. On the other hand, Allahu Akbar is shouted menacingly by Islamic terrorists, albeit towards the end. True, the movie begins with an implicit reference to what happened in Gujarat in 2002 after the Godhra train burnin...
9 comments
Read more