Skip to main content

Ramdev Remedy for Terrorism


Baba Ramdev is the 21st century sage.  In the ancient system, the sage went away from the world of men to places like the Himalayas and afflicted themselves with the extremes of what their normal counterparts in the normal world endured.  Ramdev has redefined religion for the 21st century.  Religion need not be a pain in the posterior; it can be a luxury – that’s the new Veda.

Source
The other day the Baba came up with Patanjali atta noodles to counter Nestle’s Maggi.  The yogi has now come up with yogawear which is expected to give Nike and Adidas a run for their money.   “The spiritual guru will soon launch health drinks such as Powervita to take on Horlicks and Bournvita, babycare and beauty products...,” reports the Times of India.  Patanjali has become a brand name, thanks to the inspiring entrepreneurial skills of the yogi.  It may even buy up the entire country in a few years’ time and rename it Ramdevstan.  We will have everything from cooking salt to smartphone supplied by Baba Ramdev Inc.  Our dress, our language, our religion, everything will be available at Patanjali outlets. 

This is true aggiornamento: making religion up to date. 

When the Islamic aggiornamentalists have gone totally mental trying to update their religion and are shedding their frustrations viciously on what the average man would consider as symbols of culture and civilisation, Baba Ramdev teaches us the effective way of bringing religion to people.  When you are in the land of snake-charmers, be a melody in the pungi.  When everything from drinking water to medical services has been converted into a consumer product, religion and gods cannot escape the fate.  Baba Ramdev is the first person to realise this truth.  That is his genius.  His religion is a Rs 5000-crore enterprise now and is growing more rapidly than firms with CEOs whose expertise was nurtured at Harvard or LSE.  Soon gods and their blessings will be available to us in tetrapacks at Patanjali retail outlets.

Ramdev can and should be the inspiration to all religious terrorists.  They should learn how to adapt innovative and effective methods to achieve goals.  

Ramdev has given us all sorts of remedies.  He gave us Putrajeevak Beej for begetting sons and avoiding daughters.  He has antidote for AIDS and cancer.  Perhaps, he will soon grant us capsules against terrorism.  In the meanwhile, let us make a beeline for Yogawear, Patanjali instant noodles, and Powervita.  Jai Sri Ramdev!

Comments

  1. Given the theory that Maggi was suddenly banned so as to make way for his brand of noodles, I won't be surprised if the same happened to Nike and Adidas.
    "Inspiration to all religious terrorists" I love your scathing sarcasm!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarcasm is a good defence mechanism :) How else can we deal with these people who are growing more and more powerful?

      On the other hand, isn't it better that the Baba engages in this commerce than the trade of human blood as many other guardians of religions do? Just imagine the IS turned their energy to Islamic medicine, Islamic food, Islamic cosmetics, and so on. The world would be spared of bombardments.

      Delete
    2. Haha, yes, as John Lennon said, they can handle you if you're violent, but what they can't handle is non violence and humor!

      Delete
  2. That is his genius. His religion is a Rs 5000-crore enterprise now and is growing more rapidly than firms with CEOs whose expertise was nurtured at Harvard or LSE. Soon gods and their blessings will be available to us in tetrapacks at Patanjali retail outlets.Perhaps, he will soon grant us capsules against terrorism. Hahaha. I am neither a supporter nor in oppose of Baba Ramdev . But agree with you that he made us to think again the function of MBA from LSE or other institutes. you wrote true words with lighter mood.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And as a friend texted on whatsapp "a half-naked male model" instead of mesmerizing females :)

      Delete
  3. I would love to eat Baba's maggi. It will give a tough competition to original maggi. He has remedy for almost any issue. Ty for writing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Remedy? Well, what shall I say? Unfortunately, I'm extremely sceptical of the religious people. If you do some sincere research into the Baba's remedies some shocking truths are likely to emerge.

      Delete
  4. I had a good laugh,first of all.I love dry humour,especially in articles related to politics.Yes,he seems to have the remedy for every issue in this country.Someday,he is going to manufacture pills for getting skinny,serums that instantly work in halving down your age and drugs that can help you get fitter everyday.
    After all,nothing is impossible for sages who were born in Southeast Asia,they are blessed with magical powers and all that charm and ability to sacrifice.We trivial beings,where do we stand that we are even trying to judge him?
    We should bow down in reverence and in so much overwhelming a form of it that we wouldn't be able to sit straight back again until our shoulders ache......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have your laugh. Nothing will endure unless it has intrinsic durability. Fads come and go. The noise will die down. Not even memories survive unless they deserve the survival. Let time prove this man's worth.

      Delete
  5. Sarcasm apart, Ramdev seems to provide materials cheaper & healthier..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then he will have to make it clear whether he is a yogi or a businessman. Or a healthy combination of both or a vicious combination. Probably, he is a healthy combination. I still remember how he escaped from the Delhi protest against corruption wearing a woman's dress.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Florentino’s Many Loves

Florentino Ariza has had 622 serious relationships (combo pack with sex) apart from numerous fleeting liaisons before he is able to embrace the only woman whom he loved with all his heart and soul. And that embrace happens “after a long and troubled love affair” that lasted 51 years, 9 months, and 4 days. Florentino is in his late 70s when he is able to behold, and hold as well, the very body of his beloved Fermina, who is just a few years younger than him. She now stands before him with her wrinkled shoulders, sagged breasts, and flabby skin that is as pale and cold as a frog’s. It is the culmination of a long, very long, wait as far as Florentino is concerned, the end of his passionate quest for his holy grail. “I’ve remained a virgin for you,” he says. All those 622 and more women whose details filled the 25 diaries that he kept writing with meticulous devotion have now vanished into thin air. They mean nothing now that he has reached where he longed to reach all his life. The

The Adventures of Toto as a comic strip

  'The Adventures of Toto' is an amusing story by Ruskin Bond. It is prescribed as a lesson in CBSE's English course for class 9. Maggie asked her students to do a project on some of the lessons and Femi George's work is what I would like to present here. Femi converted the story into a beautiful comic strip. Her work will speak for itself and let me present it below.  Femi George Student of Carmel Public School, Vazhakulam, Kerala Similar post: The Little Girl

Unromantic Men

Romance is a tenderness of the heart. That is disappearing even from the movies. Tenderness of heart is not a virtue anymore; it is a weakness. Who is an ideal man in today’s world? Shakespeare’s Romeo and Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay’s Devdas would be considered as fools in today’s world in which the wealthiest individuals appear on elite lists, ‘strong’ leaders are hailed as nationalist heroes, and success is equated with anything other than traditional virtues. The protagonist of Colleen McCullough’s 1977 novel, The Thorn Birds [which sold more than 33 million copies], is torn between his idealism and his natural weaknesses as a human being. Ralph de Bricassart is a young Catholic priest who is sent on a kind of punishment-appointment to a remote rural area of Australia where the Cleary family arrives from New Zealand in 1921 to take care of the enormous estate of Mary Carson who is Paddy Cleary’s own sister. Meggy Cleary is the only daughter of Paddy and Fiona who have eight so

Octlantis

I was reading an essay on octopuses when friend John walked in. When he is bored of his usual activities – babysitting and gardening – he would come over. Politics was the favourite concern of our conversations. We discussed politics so earnestly that any observer might think that we were running the world through the politicians quite like the gods running it through their devotees. “Octopuses are quite queer creatures,” I said. The essay I was reading had got all my attention. Moreover, I was getting bored of politics which is irredeemable anyway. “They have too many brains and a lot of hearts.” “That’s queer indeed,” John agreed. “Each arm has a mind of its own. Two-thirds of an octopus’s neurons are found in their arms. The arms can taste, touch, feel and act on their own without any input from the brain.” “They are quite like our politicians,” John observed. Everything is linked to politics in John’s mind. I was impressed with his analogy, however. “Perhaps, you’re r

Country without a national language

India has no national language because the country has too many languages. Apart from the officially recognised 22 languages are the hundreds of regional languages and dialects. It would be preposterous to imagine one particular language as the national language in such a situation. That is why the visionary leaders of Independent India decided upon a three-language policy for most purposes: Hindi, English, and the local language. The other day two pranksters from the Hindi belt landed in Bengaluru airport wearing T-shirts declaring Hindi as the national language. They posted a picture on X and it evoked angry responses from a lot of Indians who don’t speak Hindi.  The worthiness of Hindi to be India’s national language was debated umpteen times and there is nothing new to add to all that verbiage. Yet it seems a reminder is in good place now for the likes of the above puerile young men. Language is a power-tool . One of the first things done by colonisers and conquerors is to