Self-confidence

There are some writers who compel you to read all their works.  You stumble upon one which captivates you and you move on to the next and the next.  One such writer whom I fell in love with in my late twenties was Carlos Castaneda. 

I was working as a teacher in Shillong.  I discovered Castaneda purely by chance in the State Central Library.  The Teachings of Don Juan was, I think, the first book of his that I read.  It bewitched me so much that I went on to read all the books of Castaneda that were available in that library.  The library had five or six of his books though he wrote 12 all of which went on to become best sellers.

Castaneda was an anthropologist who learnt shamanism.  He wrote as if Don Juan, the shaman guru of all the wisdom in his books, was a real person.  Years after I read the books I came to know that Don Juan was a fictional creation of the author.  Castaneda’s integrity was called into question.  That did affect my admiration for the books. 

Years later, again, I came across a quote from one of those books.  Here is the quote:

“The self-confidence of the warrior is not the self-confidence of the average man. The average man seeks certainty in the eyes of the onlooker and calls that self-confidence. The warrior seeks impeccability in his own eyes and calls that humbleness. The average man is hooked to his fellow men, while the warrior is hooked only to infinity.”

An urge to read Castaneda again is taking shape in an alcove of my subconscious mind.  It doesn’t matter to me whether Don Juan was real or not.  Castaneda was real.  That’s enough for me.  I don’t care why Castaneda made Don Juan appear to be real.  I don’t care what the world thinks of Castaneda.  The infinity he touched is what bewitches me.  Self-confidence of the infinity.

Related post:   Self-importance