Skip to main content

My first book

 


The complimentary copies of my first book arrived just one day before I took a leap into the dark at the age of 41. It was the summer of 2001. I had quit my job at St Edmund’s College, Shillong and had packed my little belongings. A colleague from Edmund’s came in the evening with a packet that had been delivered at the college address. Four copies of English Poetry: From John Donne to Ted Hughes, my first book. I took it as a good omen though I was battling the most protracted depression of my life.

That book had a tragic history. I had done a lot of research before writing it. But all through those months of research I was treated by my colleagues like a mental retard with an ethereal ambition or something like that. Edmund’s was my hell. It scorched my very soul. Purification before you enter heaven. Delhi turned out to be my heaven.

Strange things happen in life. I have narrated all those strange things of my life in Autumn Shadows. I wrote many books after English Poetry. But nothing delights me today as much as that first book. I consulted hundreds of books by scholarly writers before writing this one. It was an experience that I would love to go through once more. But I don’t have access to so many scholarly books today. In those days, the library of the North-Eastern Hill University [NEHU] offered me all the wisdom I wanted. Except the most essential: practical wisdom.

I left Shillong just the day after the author’s complimentary copies reached me. For good. I guess no one leaves Shillong for bad. In one of the interviews I attended in Delhi [for an editor’s post at Vikas Publications], I was asked why I left such a beautiful place like Shillong and chose a hell like Delhi. The devil belongs to hell, I wanted to answer. I had not yet overcome my depression. “I did not belong there,” I said. That was the same thing in different words.

Vikas Publications appointed me with a salary slightly higher than I had asked. But I didn’t join them. I chose teaching instead with a much lower salary, the same job I was doing in Shillong, the only one I knew. I had no guts to try something new. Shillong had broken me entirely.

These are some thoughts and memories that flashed through my mind when I read Chinmayee’s blog post today. I wish Chinmayee all the best with her forthcoming book. And I think of writing my next book on literature once again, fiction this time. Some essays on a few contemporary novels. Maybe. I’m not a broken man now. I can afford to toy with options.

PS. This post is a part of Blogchatter Half Marathon

PPS. Paperback editions of Black Hole and Autumn Shadows are available exclusively at pothi.com

Comments

  1. Hari OM
    I am in awe of all who finally get their works out in book form, electronic or traditional, whilst my own all linger in drafts...

    I've recently begun Autumn Shadows - worried that I would have read the whole thing via the "foreword", I decided to skip that after several pages. No disrespect to the prof. Will now enter your own writing. YAM xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The foreword is too long, many told me. In the paperback edition i cutvit short with the writer's permission.

      Delete
  2. The 1st book is like the 1st love?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I'd say so. In my case, I had spent a lot of time and energy on the first one. That matters too, I'd say.

      Delete
  3. Congratulations to you, for your decision to start a new work. Writing is tough, I can say that much from my experiences. And, may I know,who edits your work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm my own editor. Most of the books are self-published. Except the 1st which was published by reputed Atlantic Publishers and they have their own reviewers who may suggest changes. It's always good to have a reviewer or editor but I couldn't find any.

      Delete
    2. Thank you. I asked that question as I struggle to sort out that edit/review part for my short story manudscript.

      Delete
  4. It is admirable how you managed to overcome your setbacks and turned them into creativity. The great experience!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Nice to know about your story.
    The amount of research you had done for your first book is interesting.
    Yes, many would say Shillong is calm and beautiful but it all depends on the situations we face in life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That 1st book went a long way. It found a place in some reputed libraries even in London. My work was rewarded.

      Delete
  6. The memory of Autumn Shadows is still fresh. I could understand how you would have felt. Looking forward to your essays on contemporary novels.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. You are an outstanding reader who understands the soul of the writer. I'm happy to have your reviews.

      Delete
  7. Great to read, Congratulations :)
    Best wishes.

    ReplyDelete
  8. That's a meatier slice of your literary life Tomichan.
    One more thing... "devil belongs to hell" brought me chuckle and made me aware of your dry sense of humor as well.

    ReplyDelete
  9. First of all, I am more than humbled to have been mentioned :-) And Congratulations to you for the new work, may you never stop sharing your profound thoughts with us, which I personally adore. I wish you all the very best. And more than anything, thankyou for sharing your personal journey with all of us & about your first work in the literary field. It is surely special just like first love in one's life, I guess :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have always been an enthusiastic supporter of my writings. Thank you.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Adventures of Toto as a comic strip

  'The Adventures of Toto' is an amusing story by Ruskin Bond. It is prescribed as a lesson in CBSE's English course for class 9. Maggie asked her students to do a project on some of the lessons and Femi George's work is what I would like to present here. Femi converted the story into a beautiful comic strip. Her work will speak for itself and let me present it below.  Femi George Student of Carmel Public School, Vazhakulam, Kerala Similar post: The Little Girl

Taliban and India

Illustration by Copilot Designer Two things happened on 14 Oct 2025. One: India rolled out the red carpet for an Afghan delegation led by the Taliban Administration’s Foreign Minister. Two: a young man was forced to wash the feet of a Brahmin and drink that water. This happened in Madhya Pradesh, not too far from where the Taliban leaders were being given regal reception in tune with India’s philosophy of Atithi Devo Bhava (Guest is God). Afghanistan’s Taliban and India’s RSS (which shaped Modi’s thinking) have much in common. The former seeks to build a state based on its interpretation of Islamic law aiming for a society governed by strict religious codes. The RSS promotes Hindutva, the idea of India as primarily a Hindu nation, where Hindu values form the cultural and political foundation. Both fuse religious identity with national identity, marginalising those who don’t fit their vision of the nation. The man who was made to wash a Brahmin’s feet and drink that water in Madh...

The Ugly Duckling

Source: Acting Company A. A. Milne’s one-act play, The Ugly Duckling , acquired a classical status because of the hearty humour used to present a profound theme. The King and the Queen are worried because their daughter Camilla is too ugly to get a suitor. In spite of all the devious strategies employed by the King and his Chancellor, the princess remained unmarried. Camilla was blessed with a unique beauty by her two godmothers but no one could see any beauty in her physical appearance. She has an exquisitely beautiful character. What use is character? The King asks. The play is an answer to that question. Character plays the most crucial role in our moral science books and traditional rhetoric, religious scriptures and homilies. When it comes to practical life, we look for other things such as wealth, social rank, physical looks, and so on. As the King says in this play, “If a girl is beautiful, it is easy to assume that she has, tucked away inside her, an equally beauti...

Helpless Gods

Illustration by Gemini Six decades ago, Kerala’s beloved poet Vayalar Ramavarma sang about gods that don’t open their eyes, don’t know joy or sorrow, but are mere clay idols. The movie that carried the song was a hit in Kerala in the late 1960s. I was only seven when the movie was released. The impact of the song, like many others composed by the same poet, sank into me a little later as I grew up. Our gods are quite useless; they are little more than narcissists who demand fresh and fragrant flowers only to fling them when they wither. Six decades after Kerala’s poet questioned the potency of gods, the Chief Justice of India had a shoe flung at him by a lawyer for the same thing: questioning the worth of gods. The lawyer was demanding the replacement of a damaged idol of god Vishnu and the Chief Justice wondered why gods couldn’t take care of themselves since they are omnipotent. The lawyer flung his shoe at the Chief Justice to prove his devotion to a god. From Vayalar of 196...

The Real Enemies of India

People in general are inclined to pass the blame on to others whatever the fault.  For example, we Indians love to blame the British for their alleged ‘divide-and-rule’ policy.  Did the British really divide India into Hindus and Muslims or did the Indians do it themselves?  Was there any unified entity called India in the first place before the British unified it? Having raised those questions, I’m going to commit a further sacrilege of quoting a British journalist-cum-historian.  In his magnum opus, India: a History , John Keay says that the “stock accusations of a wider Machiavellian intent to ‘divide and rule’ and to ‘stir up Hindu-Muslim animosity’” levelled against the British Raj made little sense when the freedom struggle was going on in India because there really was no unified India until the British unified it politically.  Communal divisions existed in India despite the political unification.  In fact, they existed even before the Briti...