Skip to main content

Unromantic Men



Romance is a tenderness of the heart. That is disappearing even from the movies. Tenderness of heart is not a virtue anymore; it is a weakness. Who is an ideal man in today’s world? Shakespeare’s Romeo and Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay’s Devdas would be considered as fools in today’s world in which the wealthiest individuals appear on elite lists, ‘strong’ leaders are hailed as nationalist heroes, and success is equated with anything other than traditional virtues.

The protagonist of Colleen McCullough’s 1977 novel, The Thorn Birds [which sold more than 33 million copies], is torn between his idealism and his natural weaknesses as a human being. Ralph de Bricassart is a young Catholic priest who is sent on a kind of punishment-appointment to a remote rural area of Australia where the Cleary family arrives from New Zealand in 1921 to take care of the enormous estate of Mary Carson who is Paddy Cleary’s own sister. Meggy Cleary is the only daughter of Paddy and Fiona who have eight sons (some of whom are born after their arrival in Australia). This 10-year-old little girl with her titian hair catches the fancy of the young priest. The girl is happy to have a friend in the priest because her family members don’t care a bit for her.

The novel tells the story of the peculiar relationship that grows between Meggy and Ralph as they grow older. The priest is Meggy’s friend and mentor. When her first menstruation descends on her, it is to the priest she rushes rather than to her mother. “Father, I’m dying! I’ve got cancer,” she cries, “… a lot of blood runs out of my bottom.” Ralph overcomes his initial embarrassment and teaches Meggy what her mother should have taught her long ago. Soon, the love of the child grows into an adolescent girl’s romantic feelings. Meggy is in love with Father Ralph who is 18 years her senior. Ralph has a soft corner in his heart for Meggy and the unwholesomeness of that tenderness doesn’t escape Mary Carson’s notice. Mary is more jealous than morally indignant, though she is an old woman with one leg in the grave. Ralph thinks of her as “an old spider weaving a web.”

Mary does weave a web in which Ralph is caught inescapably. Mary’s new will bequeaths her monumental wealth to the Catholic Church provided Ralph will be its caretaker. The Cleary family is well taken care of too. Mary dies soon after preparing that will. Her lawyer asks Ralph to destroy the will and let Paddy Cleary inherit the wealth as was planned in the original will. But Ralph has ambitions. He wants to rise in the clerical hierarchy of the Church. This fabulous wealth left by Mary will surely get him high positions. He is caught in the web woven by Mary. He moves out of Meggy’s world.

Meggy marries Luke O’Neil who turns out to be the obverse of Ralph. If Ralph wants to become the perfect man for the sake of God, Luke thinks he is the perfect man who doesn’t need any God, let alone women. But Meggy’s physical charms are irresistible. Her inheritance of a huge monthly sum from Mary Carson is even more irresistible. Luke marries Meggy on the condition that her monthly income will go to his account and he will decide their future course completely. He is a man and it is a man’s world. Meggy agrees because that is the world she knows too. Men decided everything including what the women should do with their lives.

What Luke offers Meggy is a pathetic life. She is treated like a maid in her own house and made to work as a maid in another household to earn money for her own needs. Luke is not interested even in the child that is born to them. Meggy decides to give up Luke and return to her mother and brothers who welcome her whole-heartedly.

But, just before that return, Ralph had found her out and they had a passionate physical relationship. Dane is the outcome of that relationship, a boy who resembles Ralph so much that any careful observer could guess the paternity easily. Only Ralph doesn’t see it. When Dane grows up into a young man and wants to become a priest, Ralph agrees to take him to the Vatican where Ralph is a Cardinal now. Dane will rise high too. But tragedy strikes.

There are too many tragedies in the lives of the women in this novel because of the utter lack of romance in the hearts of the men who matter.

God kills the romance in Ralph’s heart. “You’re a fraud, God,” Meggy complains. She was a very devout Catholic who wouldn’t dare to question anything of what the Church taught her until life taught her better (and bitter) lessons. She is unable to understand how someone as good at heart as Ralph could love God. “I don’t see what there is to love,” she says about God.

Luke, the man Meggy marries, has no romance because of his self-centredness. He thinks he is the centre of the universe. Meggy’s father, Paddy, is the average man who loves his wife as best as he can. He is very understanding towards Fiona whom he married knowing that her love affair with a rich politician had given her nothing but a son whom Paddy accepted as his own. Even when he blurts out the truth to that son in a moment of helpless anger, he is struck by remorse and apologises profusely to Fiona and tells the son that he was just lying. Paddy is good at heart. But there is no romance in that heart. People like Paddy, burdened with life’s endless demands, have no time for romance.

There comes a moment when Meggy tells Ralph about Luke, “He’s like you. He doesn’t need women, either.” But Paddy needs his woman. He loves her. He has tenderness in his heart. Romance will have to wait; Paddy has no time for it. No one will accuse Paddy of self-centred pride.

Ralph’s love of God cleanses him of self-centredness. But what about pride? “I know you very well,” Cardinal Vittorio tells Ralph when he confesses to him about his broken chastity. “I know you to be proud, very much in love with the idea of being a priest, very conscious of your exclusiveness.” The cardinal tells Ralph that this sin of adultery that he has committed should teach him a lesson in humility. That he is a man first, not as exclusive an angel as he thinks. “I aspired to be God Himself,” Ralph confesses. No, Ralph, you are a man and be a man. Then there will be romance in your life and the world will be a better place. The tenderness of romance can work more miracles than the austerity of spirituality in the world of ordinary mortals.

The Thorn Birds is a massive novel running into nearly 700 pages. I have only touched upon just one theme of this complex, yet simple work. Complex, because of the plot and characters. Simple, because all these characters and their deeds belong to the real human world of the first half of 20th century. The story ends more or less with the fall of the ‘strong’ men, Mussolini and Hitler. The tenderness of love has a chance to bloom again through Meggy’s daughter, the only surviving offspring of the Cleary family.

PS. This is not a book review. Nor is it a literary essay on the theme of romance in the novel. I wanted to write a post on romance based on a popular novel for the Bookish League blog hop hosted by Bohemian Bibliophile. I read The Thorn Birds some time around 1990 while travelling by train from Ernakulam to Guwahati [a 3-day journey which usually prolongs to 4 days] after my winter vacation from St Joseph’s School, Shillong. I reread it a few years back and loved it again. I’m sure I’ll relish it again; but I can’t find my copy now. I had a glimpse through the PDF version available here to refresh my memory of some quotes and other details.  

Comments

  1. My mother loves the miniseries. Every time it comes on TV she'll watch it. It had quite the cast. It sounds like they didn't change much from the book.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know about the series. I normally prefer books to screen shows.

      Delete
  2. When real men are like this, I'll stick to my book boyfriends and simple happy endings ~

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hari Om
    It is a true epic... though not one I would chose to re-read. YAM xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. That was quite an epic book covering two generations. Quite a dexterous plot and hard-hitting too.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Just reading this makes me more grateful to have a romantic husband. Lol

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ah this blog post reminded me of the time when I had read this book in my 20s on my mother's insistence. I remember being so angry for most of it, wondering why she wanted me to read it so much, before the bulb went off and I understood the why. Now I really, really want to re-read it!

    ReplyDelete
  7. The intricate dynamics between Meggy, Ralph, and Luke serve as a microcosm of the societal pressures and power struggles that often dictate the course of our lives. Meggy's journey, from seeking solace in Ralph's mentorship to enduring the tyranny of Luke's dominance, reflects the stark realities faced by many women in a patriarchal world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, the novel can be critiqued from a feminist viewpoint.

      Delete
  8. This certainly sounds like a book that would be criticised in today's age. Also wow, 700 pages sounds a bit daunting and this book isn't entirely up my alley but you wrote an interesting post on it.

    ReplyDelete
  9. 'People like Paddy, burdened with life’s endless demands, have no time for romance.' What a profound observation! I also liked how you said, 'life taught her better (and bitter) lessons.' Because we do learn our best lessons through our failures and tribulations. This sounds like a thought-provoking read and your review has made me curious. Will check it out

    ReplyDelete
  10. I was wondering why you have written a post on the tenderness in the hearts of men after swearing off romance :). I read Thorn Birds, when I was a teenager, I do not know if I understood the story, I certainly don't remember much of it. I liked the way you drew out the harshness in each man. Even 100 years later, even though the edges might have softened, it is still a man's world.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I read Thorn Birds a very long time ago, and I remember just how desperately unhappy the women were. It’s an interesting point you make, on the death of romance, especially in the current milieu. Though if we look at Thorn Bird, the unromantic man is very much a product of patriarchy, no?

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'll be honest, I'd never heard of the book nor about the series before your post. The Thorn Birds, as per your marvellous summation seems ike a long and complex read. "The Fountainhead' by Ayn Rand is one such book of that time and era which I've read and enjoyed alot. Will surely try reading this book.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Gosh, I can feel the weight of this book from your review. Thank you so much for highlighting the elements and themes found in this book. It works as such a great trigger warning. Gosh, my heart feels a little heavy from what the book is trying to say… even with time sometimes these things don’t change and that’s heartbreaking.

    ReplyDelete
  14. "Then there will be romance in your life and the world will be a better place. The tenderness of romance can work more miracles than the austerity of spirituality in the world of ordinary mortals."

    Ha ha when Hitlers and Mussolinis are still receiving acclaim for power on humanity’s stage,, romance remains still in captivity.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I haven't read this book but I've heard of the author.

    I thought the plot was interesting (I almost rushed to check its availability on Kindle) ―I liked how you described Meggy and Ralph bonding, but then as this article moved forward, it seemed like a longish book, and then you say 700 pages. :)

    I’m not sure if I'd like this book (as I am a very impatient reader) but it's a nice article.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I just took out my copy from my cupboard, I think I read it over 30 years back. I could never forget Maggie's pain.Maggie was so beautifully portrayed as a loving child. Her growing up was heartbreaking; not to experience kindness of heart.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I had not heard of this book before but I am sure to pick this really soon for your post is so comprehensive and impressive.

    ReplyDelete
  18. The Thorn Birds - You read in 1990 and reread after re read it clearly indicates that you was in absolute love with the book. See even 2024 you remember how was the story and the characters. It means the book was indeed good. Very Impressive Sir.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Heard about the book that it was - First published in 1977, the novel became an instant classic, selling more than 30 million copies worldwide and inspiring one of the most-watched television miniseries of all time. The historical epic follows three generations living on a sheep ranch.
    But never read.

    ReplyDelete
  20. It's disheartening to see traditional virtues like kindness and compassion labeled as weaknesses in a society that often prioritizes power and success above all else.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this timeless tale – it's a reminder of the enduring power of literature to explore the depths of the human experience and touch our hearts in profound ways. 📖❤️

    ReplyDelete
  21. Men (and sometimes women) do not allow tenderness and love to thrive in their hearts because there are more things of consequence in this world. This was truer in the bygone eras. Have seen several such archetypal portrayals in books and cinema. In real life too.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Like you, I read this book ages ago and then re-read it recently. I love it for the complicated relationships it explores. It has so many flawed yet loveable characters. Fiona, Paddy, Frank of course Meggy and Ralph. Oh and I loved Justine. Although men emerge as the powerful ones, women remain at the centre of the narrative. Something that irked me was that Meggy always missed Fiona's attention but then ended up meting out the same treatment to her daughter. That was ironic.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I really appreciate the way you have penned down the minute details of the book and made it a captivating post. I have never heard about the book but after reading your post I will definitely add it to my TBR.

    ReplyDelete
  24. oh what an old classic :) I also remember reading it sometime in the 90s and understanding some of it, but making sure to complete it as it was THE Book to read at the time! lol! Your post was a nice reminder of the book and the story itself :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. I felt the emotions when she cried out i have cancer. But i would definitely love to flip through this.

    ReplyDelete
  26. In the world of mortals love is more than even spituality I think this is because you understanding spirituality is harder then understanding love

    ReplyDelete
  27. Your post brought back memories of reading Thorn Birds many moons ago, as I was growing up. I don't remember the story well but I remember it being quite a page-turner and a hit.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I read Thorn Birds years back and at that time, didn't quite like it. I have grown as a reader (and am a lot older too) and will probably appreciate it more now.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Adventures of Toto as a comic strip

  'The Adventures of Toto' is an amusing story by Ruskin Bond. It is prescribed as a lesson in CBSE's English course for class 9. Maggie asked her students to do a project on some of the lessons and Femi George's work is what I would like to present here. Femi converted the story into a beautiful comic strip. Her work will speak for itself and let me present it below.  Femi George Student of Carmel Public School, Vazhakulam, Kerala Similar post: The Little Girl

The Second Crucifixion

  ‘The Second Crucifixion’ is the title of the last chapter of Dominique Lapierre and Larry Collins’s magnum opus Freedom at Midnight . The sub-heading is: ‘New Delhi, 30 January 1948’. Seventy-three years ago, on that day, a great soul was shot dead by a man who was driven by the darkness of hatred. Gandhi has just completed his usual prayer session. He had recited a prayer from the Gita:                         For certain is death for the born                         and certain is birth for the dead;                         Therefore over the inevitable                         Thou shalt not grieve . At that time Narayan Apte and Vishnu Karkare were moving to Retiring Room Number 6 at the Old Delhi railway station. They walked like thieves not wishing to be noticed by anyone. The early morning’s winter fog of Delhi gave them the required wrap. They found Nathuram Godse already awake in the retiring room. The three of them sat together and finalised the plot against Gand

The Final Farewell

Book Review “ Death ends life, not a relationship ,” as Mitch Albom put it. That is why, we have so many rituals associated with death. Minakshi Dewan’s book, The Final Farewell [HarperCollins, 2023], is a well-researched book about those rituals. The book starts with an elaborate description of the Sikh rituals associated with death and cremation, before moving on to Islam, Zoroastrianism, Christianity, and finally Hinduism. After that, it’s all about the various traditions and related details of Hindu final rites. A few chapters are dedicated to the problems of widows in India, gender discrimination in the last rites, and the problem of unclaimed dead bodies. There is a chapter titled ‘Grieving Widows in Hindi Cinema’ too. Death and its rituals form an unusual theme for a book. Frankly, I don’t find the topic stimulating in any way. Obviously, I didn’t buy this book. It came to me as quite many other books do – for reasons of their own. I read the book finally, having shelv

Vultures and Religion

When vultures become extinct, why should a religion face a threat? “When the vultures died off, they stopped eating the bodies of Zoroastrians…” I was amused as I went on reading the book The Final Farewell by Minakshi Dewan. The book is about how the dead are dealt with by people of different religious persuasions. Dead people are quite useless, unless you love euphemism. Or, as they say, dead people tell no tales. In the end, we are all just stories made by people like the religious woman who wrote the epitaph for her atheist husband: “Here lies an atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.” Zoroastrianism is a religion which converts death into a sordid tale by throwing the corpses of its believers to vultures. Death makes one impure, according to that religion. Well, I always thought, and still do, that life makes one impure. I have the support of Lord Buddha on that. Life is dukkha , said the Enlightened. That is, suffering, dissatisfaction and unease. Death is liberation

Cats and Love

No less a psychologist than Freud said that the “time spent with cats is never wasted.” I find time to spend with cats precisely for that reason. They are not easy to love, particularly if they are the country variety which are not quite tameable, and mine are those. What makes my love affair with my cats special is precisely their unwillingness to befriend me. They’d rather be in their own company. “In ancient time, cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this,” Terry Pratchett says. My cats haven’t, I’m sure. Pratchett knew what he was speaking about because he loved cats which appear frequently in his works. Pratchett’s cats love independence, very unlike dogs. Dogs come when you call them; cats take a message and get back to you as and when they please. I don’t have dogs. But my brother’s dogs visit us – Maggie and me – every evening. We give them something to eat and they love that. They spend time with us after eating. My cats just go away without even a look af