Plagiarised from Arthur Bloch’s book, Murphy’s Law
Murphy’s Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.
Corollary: 1. Every solution breeds new problems.
2. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
3. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
4. Mother Nature is a bitch.
The Murphy Philosophy: Smile... tomorrow will be worse.
Boling’s Postulate: If you are feeling good, don’t worry. You’ll get over it.
* If things appear to be going right, you have overlooked something.
* Always keep a record – it indicates you’ve been working.
* When in doubt, assert louder.
Finagle’s Rule 6: Do not believe in miracles – rely on them.
* Capitalism: You can win.
Socialism: You can break even.
Mysticism: You can quit the game.
First Law of Bridge: It’s always the partner’s fault.
Law of the Perversity of Nature: You can’t successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
Wyszkowski’s 2nd Law: Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
Horner’s Five-Thumb Postulate: Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
Cahn’s Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
Whole Picture Principle: Research scientists are so wrapped up in their own narrow endeavours that they cannot possibly see the whole picture of anything, including their own research.
Corollary: The Director of Research should know as little as possible about the specific subject of research he is administering.
Mr Cooper’s Law: If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of technical writing, ignore it. The piece will make perfect sense without it.
Young’s Law: All great discoveries are made by mistake.
Corollary: The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.
Murphy’s Law of Research: Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Maier’s Law: If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
Corollary 1. The bigger the theory, the better.
2. The experiment may be considered a success if no more than 50% of the observed measurement must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with the theory.
William & Holland’s Law: If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
Heller’s Law: The first myth of management is that it exists.
Johnson’s Corollary: Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organisation.
The Peter Principle: In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
Corollary: Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.
Peter’s Placebo: An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
* Incompetence is directly proportional to one’s position in the hierarchy.
Imhoff’s Law: The organisation of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank – the really big chunks always rise to the top.
Match’s Maxim: A fool in a high station is like a man on the top of a high mountain; everything appears small to him and he appears small to everybody.
H L Mencken’s Law: Those who can – do. Those who cannot – teach. Those who cannot teach – administrate.
Truman’s Law: If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
Swipple Rule of Order: He who shouts loudest has the floor.
Rayburn’s Rule: If you want to get along, go along.
Gummidge’s Law: The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.
Issawi’s Law of Conservation of Evil: The total amount of evil in any system remains constant. Hence, any diminution in one direction – for instance, a reduction in poverty or unemployment – is accompanied by an increase in another, e.g. crime or air pollution.
Katz’s Law: Men and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Parker’s Law of Political Statement: The truth of any proposition has nothing to do with its credibility and vice versa.
Mr Cole’s Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Jones’s Motto: Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
McClaughry’s Codicil to Jones’s Motto: To make an enemy, do someone a favour.
Vique’s Law: A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
Gattuso’s Extension of Murphy’s Law: Nothing is ever so bad that it can’t get worse.
Lynch’s Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
Law of Revelation: The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
Grossman’s Misquote of H L Mencken: Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.
Imbesi’s Law of Conservation of Filth: In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty.
Freeman’s Extension: ... but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean.
The Power of Negative Thinking: It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
Conway’s Law: In any organisation there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
Stewart’s Law of Retroaction: It’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Whistler’s Law: You never know who’s right, but you always know who’s in charge.
Spencer’s Law of Data: 1. Anyone can make a decision given enough facts.
2. A good manager can make a decision without enough facts.
3. A perfect manager can operate in perfect ignorance.
Pfeiffer’s Principle: Never make a decision you can get someone else to make.
Corollary: No one keeps a record of decisions you could have made but didn’t. Everyone keeps a record of your bad ones.
Gourd’s Axiom: A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
Alinsky’s Rule for Radicals: Those who are most moral are farthest from the problem.
* If you don’t understand the problem, moralise.
Jones’s Law: The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.
Mark’s Law: A fool and your money are soon partners.
O’Brien’s Law: Nothing is ever done for the right reasons.
Glyme’s formula for success: The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’ve got it made.
Warren’s Rules: To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
Green’s Law of Debate: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Burke’s Rule: Never create a problem for which you don’t have an answer.
Hlade’s Law: If you have a difficult task give it to a lazy man – he will find an easier way to do it.
* Fools rush in – and get the best seats.
* If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Cheit’s Lament: If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you – the next time he’s in need.
Denniston’s Law: Virtue is its own punishment.
Jacob’s Law: To err is human – to blame it on someone else is ever more human.
Edelstein’s Advice: Do not worry over what other people are thinking about you. They’re too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
Bocklage’s Law: He who laughs last – probably didn’t get the joke.
Lackland’s Laws: 1. Never be first. 2. Never be last. 3. Never volunteer for anything.
Allen’s Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than to get out of.
Ruckert’s Law: There’s nothing so small that it can’t be blown out of proportion.
McKernan’s Maxim: Those who are unable to learn from past meetings are condemned to repeat them.
Mitchell’s Laws of Committology: 1. Any problem can be make insoluble if enough conferences are held to discuss it.
2. Once the way to screw up a project is presented for consideration it will invariably be accepted as the soundest solution.
Kennedy’s Comment: A committee is 12 men doing the work of one.
Brown’s Rules: To succeed in politics – 1. rise above your principles; 2. find a crowd that’s going somewhere and get in front of them.
Walton’s Law of Politics: A fool and his money are soon elected.
Ely’s key to success: Create a need, and fill it.
Bralek’s rule for success: Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you when things go wrong.
Mayne’s Law: nobody notices the big errors.
Vile’s Law for Educators: No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Strano’s Law: When all else fails, try the boss’s suggestion.
Pinto’s Law: Do someone a favour and it becomes your job.
Foster’s Law: The only people who find what they are looking for in life are faultfinders.
First Principle of Self-Determination: What you resist, you become.
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