Murphy’s Law

Plagiarised from Arthur Bloch’s book, Murphy’s Law

Murphy’s Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.

            Corollary:       1. Every solution breeds new problems.

                2. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

                3. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

                4. Mother Nature is a bitch.

The Murphy Philosophy: Smile... tomorrow will be worse.

Boling’s Postulate: If you are feeling good, don’t worry.  You’ll get over it.

* If things appear to be going right, you have overlooked something.

* Always keep a record – it indicates you’ve been working.

* When in doubt, assert louder.

Finagle’s Rule 6: Do not believe in miracles – rely on them.

* Capitalism:            You can win.

   Socialism:            You can break even.

   Mysticism:            You can quit the game.

First Law of Bridge: It’s always the partner’s fault.

Law of the Perversity of Nature: You can’t successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

Wyszkowski’s 2^nd Law: Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.

Horner’s Five-Thumb Postulate: Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

Cahn’s Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.

Whole Picture Principle: Research scientists are so wrapped up in their own narrow endeavours that they cannot possibly see the whole picture of anything, including their own research.

            Corollary: The Director of Research should know as little as possible about the specific subject of research he is administering.

Mr Cooper’s Law: If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of technical writing, ignore it.  The piece will make perfect sense without it.

Young’s Law: All great discoveries are made by mistake.

            Corollary: The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.

Murphy’s Law of Research: Enough research will tend to support your theory.

Maier’s Law: If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

            Corollary             1. The bigger the theory, the better.

                                    2. The experiment may be considered a success if no more than 50% of the observed measurement must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with the theory.

William & Holland’s Law: If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.

Heller’s Law: The first myth of management is that it exists.

            Johnson’s Corollary: Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organisation.

The Peter Principle: In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.

            Corollary: Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.

Peter’s Placebo: An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

* Incompetence is directly proportional to one’s position in the hierarchy.

Imhoff’s Law: The organisation of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank – the really big chunks always rise to the top.

Match’s Maxim: A fool in a high station is like a man on the top of a high mountain; everything appears small to him and he appears small to everybody.

H L Mencken’s Law: Those who can – do.  Those who cannot – teach.  Those who cannot teach – administrate.

Truman’s Law: If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

Swipple Rule of Order: He who shouts loudest has the floor.

Rayburn’s Rule: If you want to get along, go along.

Gummidge’s Law: The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.

Issawi’s Law of Conservation of Evil: The total amount of evil in any system remains constant.  Hence, any diminution in one direction – for instance, a reduction in poverty or unemployment – is accompanied by an increase in another, e.g. crime or air pollution.

Katz’s Law: Men and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.

Parker’s Law of Political Statement: The truth of any proposition has nothing to do with its credibility and vice versa.

Mr Cole’s Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.

Jones’s Motto: Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

McClaughry’s Codicil to Jones’s Motto: To make an enemy, do someone a favour.

Vique’s Law: A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.

Gattuso’s Extension of Murphy’s Law: Nothing is ever so bad that it can’t get worse.

Lynch’s Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Law of Revelation: The hidden flaw never remains hidden.

Grossman’s Misquote of H L Mencken: Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.

Imbesi’s Law of Conservation of Filth: In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty.

            Freeman’s Extension: ... but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean.

The Power of Negative Thinking: It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.

Conway’s Law: In any organisation there will always be one person who knows what is going on.  This person must be fired.

Stewart’s Law of Retroaction: It’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.

Whistler’s Law: You never know who’s right, but you always know who’s in charge.

Spencer’s Law of Data: 1. Anyone can make a decision given enough facts.

                                    2. A good manager can make a decision without enough facts.

                                    3. A perfect manager can operate in perfect ignorance.

Pfeiffer’s Principle: Never make a decision you can get someone else to make.

            Corollary: No one keeps a record of decisions you could have made but didn’t.   Everyone keeps a record of your bad ones.

Gourd’s Axiom: A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

Alinsky’s Rule for Radicals: Those who are most moral are farthest from the problem.

* If you don’t understand the problem, moralise.

Jones’s Law: The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

Mark’s Law: A fool and your money are soon partners.

O’Brien’s Law: Nothing is ever done for the right reasons.

Glyme’s formula for success: The secret of success is sincerity.  Once you can fake that you’ve got it made.

Warren’s Rules: To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.

Green’s Law of Debate: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Burke’s Rule: Never create a problem for which you don’t have an answer.

Hlade’s Law: If you have a difficult task give it to a lazy man – he will find an easier way to do it.

* Fools rush in – and get the best seats.

* If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Cheit’s Lament: If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you – the next time he’s in need.

Denniston’s Law: Virtue is its own punishment.

Jacob’s Law: To err is human – to blame it on someone else is ever more human.

Edelstein’s Advice: Do not worry over what other people are thinking about you.  They’re too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.

Bocklage’s Law: He who laughs last – probably didn’t get the joke.

Lackland’s Laws: 1. Never be first.            2. Never be last.             3. Never volunteer for anything.

Allen’s Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than to get out of.

Ruckert’s Law: There’s nothing so small that it can’t be blown out of proportion.

McKernan’s Maxim: Those who are unable to learn from past meetings are condemned to repeat them.

Mitchell’s Laws of Committology: 1. Any problem can be make insoluble if enough conferences are held to discuss it.

            2. Once the way to screw up a project is presented for consideration it will invariably be accepted as the soundest solution.

Kennedy’s Comment: A committee is 12 men doing the work of one.

Brown’s Rules: To succeed in politics – 1. rise above your principles; 2. find a crowd that’s going somewhere and get in front of them.

Walton’s Law of Politics: A fool and his money are soon elected.

Ely’s key to success: Create a need, and fill it.

Bralek’s rule for success: Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you when things go wrong.

Mayne’s Law: nobody notices the big errors.

Vile’s Law for Educators: No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Strano’s Law: When all else fails, try the boss’s suggestion.

Pinto’s Law: Do someone a favour and it becomes your job.

Foster’s Law: The only people who find what they are looking for in life are faultfinders.

First Principle of Self-Determination: What you resist, you become.

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