Never trust a man who doesn’t drink

 

In James Crumley’s novel, The Wrong Case, one character gives this counsel: “Son, never trust a man who doesn't drink because he's probably a self-righteous sort, a man who thinks he knows right from wrong all the time. Some of them are good men, but in the name of goodness, they cause most of the suffering in the world. They're the judges, the meddlers. And, son, never trust a man who drinks but refuses to get drunk. They're usually afraid of something deep down inside, either that they're a coward or a fool or mean and violent. You can't trust a man who's afraid of himself. But sometimes, son, you can trust a man who occasionally kneels before a toilet. The chances are that he is learning something about humility and his natural human foolishness, about how to survive himself. It's damned hard for a man to take himself too seriously when he's heaving his guts into a dirty toilet bowl.”

I came across one of these self-righteous moralists on Facebook the other day. He got me blocked twice by reporting as silly a comment as my question to him whether his profile picture was really his photo. Below is his profile pic. Of course, everyone knows that a real ass – even one from Assam as this is – cannot be on Facebook where metaphorical ones abound.

It is one of this guy’s comments that drew my attention to him. It sounded moralistic. He sounded like one who thought of himself as India’s moral police, the knight in shining armour out to protect an ancient culture in danger now from all sorts of monsters like me. My question to him whether he was indeed the ass in the pic was only meant to deflate his moralistic balloon.

He has taken it upon himself to be India’s watchdog on FB. Look at some of his posts.

My curiosity and amusement were both raised when I stumbled upon his profile. I wanted to know a little more about him. So I provoked him. He got me blocked from Facebook instantly just for asking whether his profile pic was his own photo. OK. I came back when the block was over and provoked him once more very lightly suggesting that he could be India’s Messiah with all his redemptive ambitions. Soon his true colours were revealed. He downloaded a pic of my wife from my profile and posted it in the comment box saying his men would deal with her. That was too cheap if not cowardly. But that’s what he is: a cheap coward. I told him that. He removed the photo as well as the threat soon because he knew he would be in trouble otherwise. But he had already revealed the imbecile in him.

People like him who pretend to be nice citizens, nationalists, perfect guardians of public morality, are in fact nothing less than the meddling self-righteous judge that James Crumley’s character warns against. Such people are far more dangerous than those who make some silly comments on social media or booze a little once in a while or even cock a snook at some pet theories of the moralists.

When any person sets up himself as the judge over others, an insane world is created. Hitler did just that. We have quite a few Hitlers in present India. Some of them are in very high positions while others occupy moral high thrones on social media. I wish all of them learnt to bend down before a toilet bowl once in a while. They need to. Very much.

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