Self-actualisation
is the only motive that drives an organism.
Psychologist Kurt Goldstein said that. Self-actualisation, in simple
words, means being (or becoming) what one can be.
What
appear to be different drives such as hunger, sex, power, achievement and
curiosity are merely manifestations of the ultimate purpose which is
self-actualisation. When a person is
hungry he actualises himself by eating.
Even a rapist is actualising himself, but in the most pathological way
possible. Pathology is too complex an
issue to be discussed here. So let’s get
back to our topic.
For
the psychologically healthy people, self-actualisation is the organic principle
by which the individual becomes more fully developed and more complete. Every
individual has various needs. The
fulfilment of each need takes the individual a step forward in the
self-actualising process.
Some
people read and acquire more and more knowledge, thus fulfilling the need for
knowledge which for them is a way of self-actualisation. Some people ascend the ladder of hierarchy
and conquer positions of more and more power, thus finding their
self-actualisation. There are infinite
ways of reaching self-actualisation.
I
read a good number of psychologists who discuss self-actualisation in order to
find whether flattery could be a way of self-actualisation. Not one psychologist discusses the
topic. Why?
Flattery
is neither a way of self-actualisation nor an instance of psychological
pathology. It is a survival strategy of
the weak and incapable. When survival
itself is a challenge, what other need can be important? And when a person does not have any arsenal
left in his armoury to fight for his survival, what can he do but flatter those
who matter and get on in life?
Goldstein
said that a normal, healthy person is one “in (whom) the tendency towards
self-actualization is acting from within,
and overcomes the disturbance arising from the clash with the world, not out of anxiety but out of the joy of
conquest.” [Emphasis added]
From
within. That is what I meant by the
arsenal in one’s armoury. A sportsman’s
skills lie within him. So do a writer’s
or a leader’s or any normal, healthy
person’s. When one does not possess the
skills required to face the challenges lying in his path or when he has not
discovered those skills within him, strategies become necessary. Flattery is one such strategy. A fairly harmless strategy.
Why
harmless? In fact, we can find a lot of
people achieving much using that strategy.
There are many people who get on very successfully especially in their
occupations by cleverly employing flattery.
Eminent
self-actualisation psychologists like Abraham Maslow listed umpteen things
ranging from mistrust to despair, cynicism to gracelessness, jungle world-view
to bewilderment as pathologies. Flattery
does not find a place in that very long list.
Hence,
I must sadly conclude that I am the one in need of healing since I exhibit
bouts of cynicism, gracelessness, and what not.
Like the three men in Jerome K Jerome’s boat, I find myself a patient in
need of a physicist. Or, at the very
least, a voyage on the river of rejuvenation.
Right
now, until my situation is conducive to such an adventure, let me console
myself admiring the flatterers and their ingenious strategies.
A
related post which I wrote over a year ago: Your
face shines like the moon
What insight and revealations
ReplyDeleteChaitali, life is very gratuitous with such insights and lessons.
DeleteI agree that flattery is a survival tactic of the weak. Any day, I would prefer to associate myself with honest people, rather than false flatterers.
ReplyDeleteI used to view flatterers as merely amusing people. Now, that has changed. I think they are extremely dangerous people. One chief form of flattery, as I understand, is to go the bosses and speak ill of colleagues.
DeleteThought provoking. I am not a follower of shallow flattery. That only leads to one's fall. if you are a genuine friend then you will appreciate and motivate bnut not use flattery.
ReplyDeleteIn friendship, this is not a serious problem. No good friend will ever resort to flattery. The problem is acute in workplaces where employees try to ingratiate themselves with the people in the higher orders by resorting to flattery. That is quite ridiculous. I have seen people stooping as low as to praise the boss's new pair of shoes or the new jacket!
DeleteThere's a deadly version of flattery in which people belittle others, put blames and allegations, so that they look far better in comparison. Some bosses encourage this to further their own malicious designs.
Flattery has become a skillful art now a days....the problem is if you are a poor performer in this art, most of the people think that you're a haughty person and have superiority complex :-( I don't know how to flatter and often am misunderstood ...
ReplyDeleteI wish everybody could think about the topic in the way you've expressed your opinions about it... :-)
I am a fool, Maniparna. I tried to learn this art called flattery so that I could survive in many places. I failed everywhere. ")
DeleteStimulating .Process of Self-actualisation leading to flattery ! Its true if we behave like the 'kastoori mrig'
ReplyDeleteI was smiling when I came to the flattery part. I have witness its execution at really close quarter.. rather too close for my comfort and I have learnt everything about it but, in theory ... when the practical needs arise, a feeling(might be pride or self respect or ... donnowhat) seals my lips.... and strangely, I feel good about it :)
So I can teach others this course but am a happy failure . Life as well as mind indeed is strange :)
Flattery is a talent not everyone can master... Sigh... Btw, from the receiver's end, at times, not judging whether it is innocent or harmful, flattery can be an able savior from depressed state :-)
ReplyDelete