Madhuri
had reasons to be chagrined: her idol had deserted her. She had deserted her family, defied her
beloved father, to live with her idol, the famous novelist Amitabh Sinha. Her devotion to the idol was such that she
took all the necessary precaution to avoid getting pregnant. Children would divert her devotion from her
idol.
Five
years of selfless worship. Yet he
deserted her. What’s unbearable was that
he took as his beloved the woman whom Madhuri hated the most. Sheila the witch with her two kids one of
whom was a moron.
Madhuri
had first fallen in love with Amitabh’s novels.
The love grew into admiration and it spread like a contagious disease
from the creation to the creator.
“Don’t
trust writers and such people,” Madhuri was warned by her father. “They can’t love anyone except themselves and
their works.”
Madhuri
was sure that Amitabh would love her.
How can a god ignore his most ardent devotee?
Such
devotion brings devastation when it is spurned.
With her god gone, Madhuri found her life absolutely empty and
worthless. A fury rose in her,
however. “What is it that she has and I
don’t?” she asked me. “Aren’t I younger
and more beautiful? Didn’t I give him my
entire heart and body? What more can
anyone give him? What is it that he
finds in her?”
No
woman can endure being replaced by another woman. Even the idol’s death is more desirable than
that. Death has an advantage anyway: it
marks the end of memories. Separation
does not kill memories.
I
could understand Madhuri’s furious outbursts but could not console her.
“Speak
to him,” she demanded of me. “You’re
also a writer, aren’t you? He will
listen to you. Moreover, you were his
teacher too.”
It
is true I taught Amitabh in the senior secondary school. It is also true that I met him once or twice in
the recent past and had brief conversations with him. But I never conceived I could have any
influence on him especially on a matter like this. He was a famous novelist whose books sold in
thousands of copies while I was a mere blogger who was lucky enough to get a
few hundred readers. Moreover, what
right did I have to interfere with somebody’s private life? I hated it when anyone interfered with my
private life. I didn’t like it when my
school put restrictions on what I could eat or drink outside the school hours. There are certain matters that should be left
to the individual concerned with no undue interference.
However,
Madhuri had a right to know why she was abandoned. No one can walk over a person this way. Amitabh did not do the right thing at all. Who am I, however, to tell him that?
But
I happened to run into Amitabh. Life is
like that: it fetches right before you just what you would like to avoid the
most knowing well enough that the avoidance is not the best thing to do.
Indira
Gandhi International Airport, New Delhi.
I was sitting in the lounge of one of the domestic terminals reading a
novel by Amitabh when he himself came and sat next to me.
“You
know what kind of creatures artists are,” he said having listened to my
hesitant narration of Madhuri’s woes. “Every
artist is a person obsessed with himself.
Every artist is a creator who is unhappy with the world’s ugliness. Every artist is trying what he can to
re-create the world after his imagination.
There is nothing more important to the artist than his work.”
Madhuri’s
devotion was a stumbling block to Amitabh’s creative process. That’s what I understood. “She had become an irritating presence
everywhere. There she would be where and
when I didn’t need her at all, watching me as if I were a child in need of a
guardian angel, asking me what I wanted when all I wanted was to be left alone,
breathing down on my neck when I thought she was busy in the kitchen...”
“If
you wanted solitude, why Sheila... with her two children?” I asked. I thought I could take that much liberty by
virtue of having been his teacher for two years. Teachers love to think of themselves as
greater than anybody else merely because they taught that ‘anybody’ for some
time.
“Can
a man live like an island?” he stared at me as if I were the biggest fool in
the world. “I wanted someone... Sheila
won’t be my guardian angel; she has the kids to look after, and one of them
will take most of her attention, he’s mentally retarded, you know.”
The
artist should not be distracted from his work unless he wants to be. Even the distraction is his choice. If only Madhuri knew this secret! But can a devotee like her be contented with
part-time devotion?
“There’s
something diabolic about devotion,” said Amitabh. “You give your self away only to snatch something
you perceive as greater than you. Every ‘full
time’ devotee would only be contented with possessing God, nothing less. She too wanted something similar.” I knew who he meant by ‘she’.
“She
wanted me to love her more than my work.
Do you think I can do that?
Worse, she was trying to make me make her my idol by giving herself
entirely to me.”
I
am no religious believer. I found that
last statement as obscure as religion itself.
But I was not surprised: Amitabh is a writer.
Note: This is a work of fiction
inspired by the short story, A Man of
Letters, by the Nobel laureate (1952) Francois Mauriac.
A beautiful take
ReplyDeleteThanks, Chaitali.
DeleteA very sensible post with deep psychological insight
ReplyDeleteThe insight belongs to Mauriac. I'm only a blogger, you see.
DeleteAs a writer I was nodding head at the part where he says, 'she was expecting me to love her more than my work.' I know I face that dilemma often.
ReplyDeleteRicha
That's the most common dilemma for any writer or artist, Richa.
DeleteIs it appropriate to say "proximity breeds contempt"?
ReplyDeleteThat's true. But this is not about that really.
DeleteBeautiful!!
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteVery touching story
ReplyDeleteHearty welcome here, Meenal.
DeleteSir amazing narration and so near to life. For a moment I felt I was actually witnessing a writer's and a devotee's life from a close proximity! Loved it!
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid I cannot claim any credit for the story, Shesha. I'm much obliged to Mauriac, a great writer. I'm like the creeper that grows on a tree which is Mauriac when it comes to this particular story.
DeleteBrilliant story.. This one statement is highly moving Matheikal - " Death has an advantage anyway: it marks the end of memories. Separation does not kill memories. "
ReplyDeleteThat idea belongs to the original creator of this story, really, Vinay. I'm a borrower in this case.
DeleteThank you for sharing this piece....it has set me thinking!
ReplyDeleteWhen I read Salman Rushdie's autobiography 'Joseph Anton', I observed the similar attitude of Amitabh in your story. Rushdie divorces a wife who wanted to have more children which Rushdie thinks a distraction.
ReplyDeleteWilliam Dalrymple mentions in the preface of his travelogue 'From the holy mountain' that his book was delayed due to the arrival of his daughter. It is clear that he loved his work more than the birth of his daughter.
All writers all over the world appear to be the same in this matter. They put literature and their contribution to it above the rest.