Agony of Self-improvement
Who doesn’t want to be better
and better? Self-improvement books sell in millions. Pop preachers and cult
gurus attract hundreds of thousands of wellness-seekers. Most of us want to be
better than what we are. Psychologically better if not in many other ways too.
Self-improvement
is not all that easy, however. We have deeply entrenched tendencies to shut our
ears to all major truths about our real selves. That is why self-improvement is
not easy. We would prefer to do almost anything other than take in information
that can save us. We will climb tough peaks by way of pilgrimages in order to
save ourselves. We will fast and do penance. Attend workshops and webinars. Join
laughter clubs and listen to podcasts from masters.
The path to
self-improvement is tough, painful. In order to improve ourselves, we need
first of all confront our fears about ourselves, our deepest selves. We need to
stand face to face with our inner demons. The demons of jealousy and greed,
lust for power and hatred of the neighbour, anger and bitterness. A lot many
others. We all have our own unique demons.
We need to
dismantle the fortresses of defences we have erected around these inner demons.
These fortresses come in various forms and nuances. It may be denial of a
painful reality. Could be repression. Rationalisation, and so on.
We need to
put up with our own imperfections. Some of them can be worked on and improved. Do
that: work on and improve. But many of them are beyond our actions. Let them
be. Accept them. It’s okay if your smile isn’t as elegant as Miss Universe’s. The
world won’t change an iota if a note jars while you sing.
The ancient
Greek masters said that we suffer from akrasia, ‘a weakness of will’. It
refers to our habit of not listening to unpleasant truths about ourselves. It
is much easier to dig up skeletons from history’s forgotten graves and spit on
them. Some people attain orgasmic ecstasy by lynching perceived enemies on
waysides. It is tough to deal with the real enemies that lie in ambush in our
own hearts.
PS. This
post is a part of Blogchatter Half Marathon.
That is the difficult part, picking the imperfections by the scruff of their neck to deal with them is the hardest thing in life. Hum!
ReplyDeleteIf it were easy the world would have been a paradise long ago!
DeleteTrue path to self improvement is tough. We need to be ready to accept our flaws to improve on them. As always a post to ponder upon.
ReplyDeleteDeepika Sharma
Hi, thanks.
DeleteWell written! The path to self improvement also gives a better understanding of the struggles or challenges faced by others in their daily life.
ReplyDeleteTrue, unless we understand ourselves we won't ever understand others.
DeleteHari OM
ReplyDeletehear! hear! This is the basic thing of any process in life; if we are not prepared to take ownership of ourselves and how we live our life (or avoid it), we will always be stuck. YAM xx
My prayer is more and more people realise that in these times of fortified self-righteousness.
DeleteThis is very apt sir! I learnt a new concept of Akrasia today.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing it too.
DeleteWell expressed deep thoughts. Self improvement can only come after self realisation, which is equally tough in this superficial world of ours.
ReplyDeleteSuperficial, you said it. Even our love and hate have become superficial.
DeleteSimply loved the piece and it so rings true for myself. Making peace with one's own self is the most underrated and neglected thing. Looking forward to your upcoming reads.
ReplyDeleteGlad you'll be returning.
DeleteThe bitter truth. And how this tendency to deny our shortcomings increases with the onset of technology and SM universities making us know-alls. Quite relatable.
ReplyDeletePositive psychology kind of superficial pop approaches have done much harm... Social media lapped up all that stuff eagerly.
Delete'The world won’t change an iota if a note jars while you sing.' --- true!
ReplyDeleteAnd I totally agree that we need to confront our fears. It makes a difference.
Such an insightful post!
Glad you found it so.
DeleteThis is the most honest self help post I have read. So glad I read it. Avoiding our truth delays our betterment.
ReplyDeleteMayuri
Delighted to hear this.
DeleteYou have shared some wonderful and extremely useful thoughts. Let me add my two cents. Self-help books (mostly) are of little use and oneself has to go for self-improvement on his/her own because every individual is unique for one thing. Besides, I have seen that the self-help book writers face a moral dilemma. They instigate the reader to take steps compromising with morality (under some disguise) in order to achieve success or happiness (or by whatever name it may be called) for himself/herself but at the same time, they do not want to be seen by the reader as taking the side of immorality. This ambivalence of them (which is another name for hypocrisy) leads a sincere reader (despite being a loser in life) to observe them with an air of scepticism.
ReplyDeleteSelf-help books do help. It depends on both the writer and the reader.
DeleteYou raise a very interesting point about the moral dilemma faced by the self-help writers. I know quite many preachers who give wonderful lessons of life to listeners but are absolute failures in personal life. It sets me wondering about life's mysterious paradoxes..
Could not agree more to what you have depicted. The denial of acceptance is the major issue, I feel.
ReplyDeleteIt can be painful to accept certain truths...
DeleteYour post is thought-provoking. If only we cared more, the world would be better - cliched but true.
ReplyDelete