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If I am not I

 


“If I am not I, who will be?” Philosopher Thoreau wondered. Didn’t he like himself? I wonder. Who likes himself? I ask myself with a chuckle. I don’t, at least. I never did. It’s bad strategy to admit that so loud, I know. Even if you detest yourself, never admit it openly. No one likes people who pity themselves. Self-pity destroys everything except the pathetic self. It’s better to follow the example of Thoreau and move to your private Walden and live your life as you like. People thought that Thoreau was a hypocrite because he supposedly severed ties with society and yet visited the town when he liked and visited his mother “for pie and laundry service” (Eric Weiner’s phrase).

The truth is that Thoreau had never claimed that he hated society and hence wanted solitude. Thoreau, like most good people, had a fair share of crankiness. That doesn’t make him a hypocrite. In fact, he was quite a good guy whom many people didn’t understand in his time. He was a philosopher. And there is no philosophy without crankiness. Only a philosopher with Thoreau’s DNA could write in his journal, “I never know, and shall never know, a worse man than myself.”

Dear Henry David Thoreau, when I read such lines from your journals, I feel I am your twin. I don’t possess your philosophical acumen. But your awareness of your own worth with a self-lacerating vulnerability stirs my soul indomitably. I know what that vulnerability meant to you. I live that vulnerability, don’t I? I have created my own Walden, like you. I know I lack the keenness of your perception and thinking. But I can’t be you, you know. If I am not I, who will be?

This post is a part of Blogchatter Half Marathon. This is the last in this series.

Comments

  1. SonaJune 29, 2021 at 8:54 PM

    Surprisingly,this post made me forget how much I proscribe my actions, berate myself and my decisions and give endless lectures on how I could have done better.

    I just felt a glow of understanding and the delight that I can be me for no one else can do that job better. And also, I want to be cranky;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalJune 29, 2021 at 9:18 PM

      That's nice. This post has made you smile. And accept your crankiness too :)

      Delete
  2. Yamini MacLeanJune 29, 2021 at 11:34 PM

    Hari OM
    LOL - fabulous outcry! 'Tis true, we can all find fault in ourselves. But then, how else to know that we can improve, if we choose - or not?! To live our lives as ourselves, we are indeed solitary. Yet to read of others who are as we see ourselves, brings a community to us and in that there is solace. YAM xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalJune 30, 2021 at 7:03 AM

      One of the best things about Thoreau and others like him is they let us see their weaknesses too.

      Delete
  3. RaunJune 30, 2021 at 12:00 AM

    self pity and then expecting others to pity is just sad, you are responsible for the way you or others perceive you. Got to read up on Thoreau

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalJune 30, 2021 at 7:02 AM

      Most philosophers have charming personal stories. In spite of their acute self-awareness which didn't glide into self-pity of course.

      Delete
  4. जितेन्द्र माथुरJune 30, 2021 at 1:24 PM

    There is no philosophy without crankiness ! Is it ? Well, in that case I have to check whether myself is cranky too. And who likes himself ? There are so many narcissists visible in this world. One of them has been ruling India for the past seven years and more. He cannot appreciate anybody other than himself and can find minuses in everybody in the world except himself. Yes, self-pity is to be discarded in its entirety and let's not be our fault-finders only. Let's be our unbiased critics, both appreciating and criticizing on objective grounds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalJune 30, 2021 at 2:53 PM

      Nowadays there are too many sane people and hence too few philosophers 😉

      That narcissist who has been ruining the country and a few others of his species are outside the domain of philosophy altogether. 😅

      Thank you for the very pragmatic suggestions about self-love. Much needed.

      Delete
  5. SuchitaJune 30, 2021 at 3:43 PM

    Liking yourself can be quite the double-edged sword. Now crankiness - I love that word. I definitely get cranky when I'm expected to participate in things I don't want to :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalJune 30, 2021 at 8:04 PM

      Real self-love is always good. And required. That's where positiveness begins. But what we have today is narcissism masquerading as self-love. And that's where the sword is drawn.

      Delete
  6. Chinmayee Gayatree SahuJune 30, 2021 at 4:25 PM

    Self pity is surely harmful and it is the statement “If I am not I, who will be?” made me think that I should also acknowledge the crankiness in me which I try so hard to suppress :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalJune 30, 2021 at 8:06 PM

      Those who are aware of their own crankiness are safe, just convert the self-pity to humor.

      Delete

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