Skip to main content

Rewriting our own life story


Derry is an adolescent boy who sees himself as a failure in life because of a huge scar on his face.  He looks hideous to himself whenever he looks in a mirror.  He thinks that he is unlovable.    People stare at him because of the scar.  He has heard people make remarks about the scar.  “Only a mother can love such a face,” he heard a woman say once.  But even his mother cannot apparently accept the scar; she kisses him on the side of his face which is normal.  Derry hides himself from people because of that hideous scar. 

Courtesy:
NCERT English textbook, class 12
One day he meets an elderly man called Lamb.  Mr Lamb tells him to rewrite his life story.  You have everything that a normal person has: two legs, two hands, etc.  Mr Lamb tells Derry.  Just like any other normal person, you can be a success if you change your perspective: the way you view the scar.  Accept the scar on your face and learn to ignore other people’s remarks about it.  And go about doing your job.  When you focus on accomplishments, other people will turn their attention from the scar to your accomplishments.  Rewrite your story.  Give a magical kiss to yourself.

Such kisses belong to fairy tales, Derry protests. 

If you think the kiss will remove the scar from your cheek and make you a handsome prince, yes, the miracle will belong to a fairy tale.  Mr Lamb clarifies.  The kiss is a change of attitude.  The scar will remain.  But your attitude to it will change.  Then your life will change.  That’s the miracle. 

Miracles are nothing but attitudinal changes. 

When the cancer patient begins to view his illness as an opportunity to look at life from a different angle, a miracle takes place.  Healing takes place.  All healing is a miracle, a change of attitude or perspective.  You may lose a leg in an accident and yet become a graceful dancer if you have the right attitude. 

Derry’s story is borrowed from Susan Hill.

What Mr Lamb did was to employ the Narrative Therapy (NT), a recent concept in psychology.  The motto of NT is: The person is not the problem, the problem is the problem.  It seeks to empower the person to confront the problem by looking at it from a different angle, a different perspective. 

The scar is not Derry’s real problem.  What he thinks about how people view his scar is the real problem.  Derry can rewrite his story if he wants.  He can write a story in which people talk about things other than his scar.  “Look at that boy, Derry, he is such a wonderful footballer.”  Derry can write new dialogues in his story.  And the new dialogues will materialise into reality.  We are the story we tell ourselves. 


Indian Bloggers




Comments

  1. A brilliant concept! Liked it! However, what you said makes a lot of sense. We slowly become what we believe. Great job, sir!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Very true, as as David Schwartz said, “The right attitude and one arm will beat the wrong attitude and two arms every time."

    ReplyDelete
  3. I remember this story being taught in our school. Indeed a person is never the problem. A problem, to me, should be tackled exactly the way we tackle a mathematical algebraic equation! We might get lots of constraints, lots of unknowns and lots of redundant variables but we do somehow figure out how to find out the uunknowns from the lot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a nice comparison. Solution Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) in counselling psychology would welcome your comparison gladly.

      Delete
  4. I totally agree! you can do wonders only if you change the way you think. Instead of hating yourself for what you dont have, you should love yourself for what you have!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For many people that's not so easy. Hence the need for some techniques.

      Glad to see you here.

      Delete
  5. I totally agree! you can do wonders only if you change the way you think always.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Totally agree and you have shared such an inspiring post. It left me smiling. Very important to turn focus towards how we want the world to see us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ... how we will make the world see us as we want it to.

      Glad you liked it.

      Delete
  7. very inspiring words. attitude makes all the difference in life

    ReplyDelete
  8. The problem is the problem.....I recently read this quote somewhere and here you are writing, as if you read my thoughts. Thanks for an inspiring read...!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I remember a blogger writing on Bibliotherapy!:) It is the art of writing a narrative of your problem with your favourite twist to do the miracle of attitudinal change!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bibliotherapy is more about reading a narrative than writing one. It's more akin to the catharasis of Aristotle. Of course, writing has been a therapeutic process for ages. The difference is that NT does the therapy with the help of a therapist.

      Delete
  10. Yes. I told the blogger that it is about reading that arouses catharsis. Yet, seeing the conviction, I overlooked. Now confirmed. Thank you.
    NT is objective and must be effective.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yes. I told the blogger that it is about reading that arouses catharsis. Yet, seeing the conviction, I overlooked. Now confirmed. Thank you.
    NT is objective and must be effective.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Attitude is the power. This is one of the best posts I have read in a long-long time. Very inspiring, read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I'm glad to see you here after a long-long time :)

      Delete
  13. I have studied this story in my 12th standard(passed this year 2016). The original title is On the Face of It.
    It is a story which touches our hearts.
    Mr.Lamb though he has a blown leg adapts to situations & instead of retreating from life's adventures, he enjoys life.
    Thanks for making me remember this story

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Adventures of Toto as a comic strip

  'The Adventures of Toto' is an amusing story by Ruskin Bond. It is prescribed as a lesson in CBSE's English course for class 9. Maggie asked her students to do a project on some of the lessons and Femi George's work is what I would like to present here. Femi converted the story into a beautiful comic strip. Her work will speak for itself and let me present it below.  Femi George Student of Carmel Public School, Vazhakulam, Kerala Similar post: The Little Girl

Florentino’s Many Loves

Florentino Ariza has had 622 serious relationships (combo pack with sex) apart from numerous fleeting liaisons before he is able to embrace the only woman whom he loved with all his heart and soul. And that embrace happens “after a long and troubled love affair” that lasted 51 years, 9 months, and 4 days. Florentino is in his late 70s when he is able to behold, and hold as well, the very body of his beloved Fermina, who is just a few years younger than him. She now stands before him with her wrinkled shoulders, sagged breasts, and flabby skin that is as pale and cold as a frog’s. It is the culmination of a long, very long, wait as far as Florentino is concerned, the end of his passionate quest for his holy grail. “I’ve remained a virgin for you,” he says. All those 622 and more women whose details filled the 25 diaries that he kept writing with meticulous devotion have now vanished into thin air. They mean nothing now that he has reached where he longed to reach all his life. The

Country without a national language

India has no national language because the country has too many languages. Apart from the officially recognised 22 languages are the hundreds of regional languages and dialects. It would be preposterous to imagine one particular language as the national language in such a situation. That is why the visionary leaders of Independent India decided upon a three-language policy for most purposes: Hindi, English, and the local language. The other day two pranksters from the Hindi belt landed in Bengaluru airport wearing T-shirts declaring Hindi as the national language. They posted a picture on X and it evoked angry responses from a lot of Indians who don’t speak Hindi.  The worthiness of Hindi to be India’s national language was debated umpteen times and there is nothing new to add to all that verbiage. Yet it seems a reminder is in good place now for the likes of the above puerile young men. Language is a power-tool . One of the first things done by colonisers and conquerors is to

Diwali, Gifts, and Promises

Diwali gifts for me! This is the first time in my 52 years of existence that I received so many gifts in the name of Diwali.  In Kerala, where I was born and brought up, Diwali was not celebrated at all in those days, the days of my childhood.  Even now the festival is not celebrated in the villages of Kerala as I found out from my friends there.  It is celebrated in the cities (and some villages) where people from North Indian states live.  When I settled down in Delhi in 2001 Diwali was a shock to me.  I was sitting in the balcony of a relative of mine who resided in Sadiq Nagar.  I was amazed to see the fireworks that lit up the city sky and polluted the entire atmosphere in the city.  There was a medical store nearby from which I could buy Otrivin nasal drops to open up those little holes in my nose (which have been examined by many physicians and given up as, perhaps, a hopeless case) which were blocked because of the Diwali smoke.  The festivals of North India

Unromantic Men

Romance is a tenderness of the heart. That is disappearing even from the movies. Tenderness of heart is not a virtue anymore; it is a weakness. Who is an ideal man in today’s world? Shakespeare’s Romeo and Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay’s Devdas would be considered as fools in today’s world in which the wealthiest individuals appear on elite lists, ‘strong’ leaders are hailed as nationalist heroes, and success is equated with anything other than traditional virtues. The protagonist of Colleen McCullough’s 1977 novel, The Thorn Birds [which sold more than 33 million copies], is torn between his idealism and his natural weaknesses as a human being. Ralph de Bricassart is a young Catholic priest who is sent on a kind of punishment-appointment to a remote rural area of Australia where the Cleary family arrives from New Zealand in 1921 to take care of the enormous estate of Mary Carson who is Paddy Cleary’s own sister. Meggy Cleary is the only daughter of Paddy and Fiona who have eight so