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Rewriting our own life story


Derry is an adolescent boy who sees himself as a failure in life because of a huge scar on his face.  He looks hideous to himself whenever he looks in a mirror.  He thinks that he is unlovable.    People stare at him because of the scar.  He has heard people make remarks about the scar.  “Only a mother can love such a face,” he heard a woman say once.  But even his mother cannot apparently accept the scar; she kisses him on the side of his face which is normal.  Derry hides himself from people because of that hideous scar. 

Courtesy:
NCERT English textbook, class 12
One day he meets an elderly man called Lamb.  Mr Lamb tells him to rewrite his life story.  You have everything that a normal person has: two legs, two hands, etc.  Mr Lamb tells Derry.  Just like any other normal person, you can be a success if you change your perspective: the way you view the scar.  Accept the scar on your face and learn to ignore other people’s remarks about it.  And go about doing your job.  When you focus on accomplishments, other people will turn their attention from the scar to your accomplishments.  Rewrite your story.  Give a magical kiss to yourself.

Such kisses belong to fairy tales, Derry protests. 

If you think the kiss will remove the scar from your cheek and make you a handsome prince, yes, the miracle will belong to a fairy tale.  Mr Lamb clarifies.  The kiss is a change of attitude.  The scar will remain.  But your attitude to it will change.  Then your life will change.  That’s the miracle. 

Miracles are nothing but attitudinal changes. 

When the cancer patient begins to view his illness as an opportunity to look at life from a different angle, a miracle takes place.  Healing takes place.  All healing is a miracle, a change of attitude or perspective.  You may lose a leg in an accident and yet become a graceful dancer if you have the right attitude. 

Derry’s story is borrowed from Susan Hill.

What Mr Lamb did was to employ the Narrative Therapy (NT), a recent concept in psychology.  The motto of NT is: The person is not the problem, the problem is the problem.  It seeks to empower the person to confront the problem by looking at it from a different angle, a different perspective. 

The scar is not Derry’s real problem.  What he thinks about how people view his scar is the real problem.  Derry can rewrite his story if he wants.  He can write a story in which people talk about things other than his scar.  “Look at that boy, Derry, he is such a wonderful footballer.”  Derry can write new dialogues in his story.  And the new dialogues will materialise into reality.  We are the story we tell ourselves. 


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Comments

  1. RakeshMay 18, 2016 at 9:50 PM

    A brilliant concept! Liked it! However, what you said makes a lot of sense. We slowly become what we believe. Great job, sir!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ravish ManiMay 19, 2016 at 6:28 AM

    Very true, as as David Schwartz said, “The right attitude and one arm will beat the wrong attitude and two arms every time."

    ReplyDelete
  3. Pranju chakrapaniMay 19, 2016 at 10:50 AM

    I remember this story being taught in our school. Indeed a person is never the problem. A problem, to me, should be tackled exactly the way we tackle a mathematical algebraic equation! We might get lots of constraints, lots of unknowns and lots of redundant variables but we do somehow figure out how to find out the uunknowns from the lot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalMay 19, 2016 at 11:26 AM

      That's a nice comparison. Solution Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) in counselling psychology would welcome your comparison gladly.

      Delete
  4. The Ordinary GirlMay 19, 2016 at 2:01 PM

    I totally agree! you can do wonders only if you change the way you think. Instead of hating yourself for what you dont have, you should love yourself for what you have!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalMay 19, 2016 at 3:50 PM

      For many people that's not so easy. Hence the need for some techniques.

      Glad to see you here.

      Delete
  5. UnknownMay 19, 2016 at 4:26 PM

    I totally agree! you can do wonders only if you change the way you think always.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ParulMay 19, 2016 at 7:07 PM

    Totally agree and you have shared such an inspiring post. It left me smiling. Very important to turn focus towards how we want the world to see us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalMay 19, 2016 at 8:30 PM

      ... how we will make the world see us as we want it to.

      Glad you liked it.

      Delete
  7. UnknownMay 19, 2016 at 10:34 PM

    very inspiring words. attitude makes all the difference in life

    ReplyDelete
  8. sunaina sharmaMay 19, 2016 at 10:43 PM

    The problem is the problem.....I recently read this quote somewhere and here you are writing, as if you read my thoughts. Thanks for an inspiring read...!

    ReplyDelete
  9. wingsMay 19, 2016 at 11:29 PM

    I remember a blogger writing on Bibliotherapy!:) It is the art of writing a narrative of your problem with your favourite twist to do the miracle of attitudinal change!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalMay 20, 2016 at 9:31 AM

      Bibliotherapy is more about reading a narrative than writing one. It's more akin to the catharasis of Aristotle. Of course, writing has been a therapeutic process for ages. The difference is that NT does the therapy with the help of a therapist.

      Delete
  10. wingsMay 20, 2016 at 2:02 PM

    Yes. I told the blogger that it is about reading that arouses catharsis. Yet, seeing the conviction, I overlooked. Now confirmed. Thank you.
    NT is objective and must be effective.

    ReplyDelete
  11. wingsMay 20, 2016 at 2:02 PM

    Yes. I told the blogger that it is about reading that arouses catharsis. Yet, seeing the conviction, I overlooked. Now confirmed. Thank you.
    NT is objective and must be effective.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Saru SinghalMay 20, 2016 at 7:32 PM

    Attitude is the power. This is one of the best posts I have read in a long-long time. Very inspiring, read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalMay 20, 2016 at 7:47 PM

      And I'm glad to see you here after a long-long time :)

      Delete
  13. RamaMay 21, 2016 at 11:24 PM

    very inspiring blog

    ReplyDelete
  14. UnknownMay 22, 2016 at 4:37 PM

    I have studied this story in my 12th standard(passed this year 2016). The original title is On the Face of It.
    It is a story which touches our hearts.
    Mr.Lamb though he has a blown leg adapts to situations & instead of retreating from life's adventures, he enjoys life.
    Thanks for making me remember this story

    ReplyDelete

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