Hamlet is on a stroll in
Lucknow. It is his leisure time. He has come quite a distance from Kalidas Marg
where he has been undergoing specialised training from none other than Yogi
Adityanath himself. Claudius and Gertrude had sent him over when all their attempts
to teach him the quintessential deviousness and venality of practical life
nothing like the East for this,” Kipling told Claudius when the latter
complained about Hamlet’s refusal to understand politics. It was Kipling who
suggested Yogi Adityanath in particular. “No one can do better than him the art
and craft of putting on sanctity and putting out sanity. They call it rajneeti.”
of human beings were floating in the Ganga when Hamlet landed in the land of
yogis and sadhus. And once upon a time fakirs too. I mean land of fakirs once
upon a time. Not dead bodies.
Well, I’m not
so sure anymore. Dead bodies, yogis, fakirs…
Minister Modi was stuck in Delhi unable to go on his habitual foreign tours
because of the pandemic. Even otherwise his ego wouldn’t let him go to the
airport to receive Prince Hamlet. But he had ordered the
dispatch of a million doses of Covaxin to many countries including Prince
Hamlet’s. “If I cannot go personally,” said Modi stretching out his generous
arms, “let my healing go.” He meant his going to other countries, not going to
welcome Prince Hamlet.
thrilled to be in a country of international healers anyway. His healing
sessions with Yogi Adityanath went well. Is going well.
catches Hamlet’s attention during his stroll. It is in a terrible condition.
The tombs are all overgrown with grass and weeds. A sound of digging is heard
from one corner and Hamlet walks in that direction, wading through the tall
grass and walking between hardly visible tombs.
A new grave
is being dug. Hamlet watches the gravedigger who is now singing a song while
looking at something, though totally unconcerned. His song is about death,
Hamlet can make out though the song is in Hindi. The Prince of Denmark has
learnt Hindi pretty well. That was his master’s first condition: learn Hindi
first. Without Hindi, no one can be a disciple of Bhartiya wisdom. The
gravedigger is singing about the ultimate fate of Akbar and a bekaar being the
same. “Both of you will end up here,” the gravedigger sings, “in the house that
I build for you. I am the best architect. I build your ultimate residence which
will last long till the doomsday.”
fascinated. He watches the gravedigger bending down to pick up a skull. “Akbar’s
or bekaar’s?” The digger grins at the skull. “Even Allah cannot retain his
city. It has become Prayagraj. Akbar, your kabar too will also vanish. Nothing
lasts beyond me.” The digger flings the skull into the tall grass yonder with a
laugh and then picks up his liquor bottle for yogic courage.
Akbar’s skull?” Hamlet asks the digger.
The digger is
happy to find a madman for company.
the digger says. “One of the ten heads of Ravana.”
gravedigger rewrites the epic. Rewriting is something he learnt recently. A few
years back. When a saffron-clad fellow who called himself Yogi came with the
promise of … what, he has forgotten now. But it must have been something good
that he promised. Otherwise Uttar Pradesh wouldn’t have been what it is now.
have sold UP to Pakistan if it were not for Yogi,” the gravedigger says.
Hamlet agrees instantly. He has been attending Yogi Adityanath’s classes with
sincerity. They are not online classes that you can bunk off.
doesn’t know, however, is that the Yogi he sees in his class is just an
imitation. A mimic. One of the many heads that the Yogi has.
is too innocent to distinguish mimicry from history. But he has learnt his lessons
well. He knows the solution to all of India’s problems.
the gravedigger wants to know the solution.
Lucknow to Fuckyogi,” Hamlet says. He meant Bhagyayogi. The Danish people
cannot pronounce F correctly. That’s why Bhagyayogi became Fuckyogi.
This is not
to slander the Danes. This writer is just imitating the present great
litterateurs. And Yogis. And Modis. And motivational speakers who teach
followers to rewrite all inconvenient truths.
gravedigger takes up his liquor bottle blissfully.
PS. This is written for Indispire Edition 393: If Hamlet [Prince of Denmark]
were a disciple of Yogi Adityanath... #ToYogiOrNotToYogi