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| Image from disneyclips |
Philosopher Nietzsche was of the opinion that what
makes unhappy marriages is lack of friendship rather than lack of love. As a
man who has celebrated the silver jubilee of his wedding, I raise my hat in
deference to the philosopher. What has sustained my married life is the
friendship that has existed between the two of us. Even the other day, someone
asked Maggie whether ours was a love marriage. We give that impression, the
inquirer explained. We have faced this question umpteen times by now. Even my students
raise that question when they get an opportunity.
When husband and wife see themselves
as friends, the demands made by traditional roles of husband and wife vanish. I
don’t have to be the domineering man of the house in a traditional Indian
family and Maggie doesn’t have to be India’s ideal submissive wife. We are
rather like Winnie-the-Pooh and Piglet.
Piglet sidles up from behind calling,
‘Pooh!’
‘Yes, Piglet!’
‘Nothing.’ Piglet takes Pooh’s paw
and says, ‘I just wanted to be sure of you.’ Sure of the abiding presence.
There is nothing holier in a
relationship than that certainty.
What sustains a good friendship is
not counsels, not solutions to problems, not financial help in times of need,
not ideological support, but the abiding presence. Very few people will let you
take their hand in yours when you are down and out.
I remember my bad days in Shillong.
The going was tough. My morale had hit the rock bottom. I walked with a bent
head because I had no courage to look on people’s faces. I longed to have
someone whom I could cosy up to and feel sure of his abiding presence with me.
You realise how good your so-called friends are when you are at the
rock-bottom.
The one who can absorb your worst
vulnerabilities is your friend. That person absorbs your errors and fallibilities.
And the occasional, inevitable hurts too. There is no friendship without hurts.
But you know that your friend is worth suffering for.
Piglet: How do you spell love?
Pooh: You don’t spell it; you feel
it.
PS. This post is part of #BlogchatterA2Z 2023
Yesterday’s: Euthanasia
Tomorrow: Gandhi in Delhi on Good Friday
Wishing you a belated marriage anniversary 💐 and lot many years of blissful togetherness ahead ! This was such a beautiful treat. Only the lucky ones get to experience this. And you are certainly one of them, Sir !
ReplyDeleteThank you, Chinmayee. Yes, I am blessed in this regard - having the most loyal friend for wife.
DeleteThe one who can absorb your worst vulnerabilities is your friend.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful line.
I have experienced all kinds of friendships, Deepika. This too.
DeleteLove blossoms from a good friendship.
ReplyDeleteNo doubt. I have seen deep love in your eyes.
DeleteThis post made me emotional. Im learning so much good from these posts. Thank you for these.
ReplyDeleteI'm thrilled to hear this, friend.
DeleteThat's a lovely post, Tomichan. Long after passion and beauty die, it's friendship that keeps a relationship alive.
ReplyDeleteI wish i knew who this commenter is.
DeleteA lovely post. Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteHi Rajeev, I'm following your HRDian posts.
DeleteYeah, you stated it rendering your own life as an example, and so lovely.
ReplyDeleteMy wife has been my best friend for all the years of our life together.
DeleteMy most lovely pair....Pooh and the Piglet....your version made me to love them even more...
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm so ecstatic to receive your comment, ma'am.
DeleteWhen they stick by you…. Because of you, your nature, your support…your presence and you to them due to their presence…it works out at the end. Many leave it mid way due to selfishness and lack of understanding and communications….but if ur ready to fight for the friendship it will last
ReplyDeleteThere's some greatness that's just screaming to come out of you, dear Joshua. Let it out. But don't fight for it.
DeleteHari OM
ReplyDelete❤🧡💛💚🩵💙💜 YAM xx
A hug, Yam.
Delete💞💞🥰
ReplyDeleteThanks, my friend
DeleteOh what a beautiful post Sir...Dare I say, almost like a love letter to your wife. P.s. I also do subcribe to the view that friendship matters a lot in a marriage
ReplyDeleteMy wife hardly reads my posts, I think. She doesn't tell me anything, at least. :)
DeleteSo true!
ReplyDeleteLoved this post. Pooh and Piglet are the best philosophers of our times. I'm all smiles. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteWe need a lot of Poohs and Piglets
DeleteTrue friends are those who hang in there with you in fair and stormy weather.
ReplyDeleteUndoubtedly
DeleteAbiding presence - love this phrase. This was such a sweet post. It reminded me of my 5 friends :)
ReplyDeleteGlad to know that.
DeleteWhat a beautiful post... I love the reference to Pooh and Piglet! May God bless you both! I agree that friendship is the most important quality in a marriage.
ReplyDelete