Friendship

Image from disneyclips

Philosopher Nietzsche was of the opinion that what makes unhappy marriages is lack of friendship rather than lack of love. As a man who has celebrated the silver jubilee of his wedding, I raise my hat in deference to the philosopher. What has sustained my married life is the friendship that has existed between the two of us. Even the other day, someone asked Maggie whether ours was a love marriage. We give that impression, the inquirer explained. We have faced this question umpteen times by now. Even my students raise that question when they get an opportunity.

When husband and wife see themselves as friends, the demands made by traditional roles of husband and wife vanish. I don’t have to be the domineering man of the house in a traditional Indian family and Maggie doesn’t have to be India’s ideal submissive wife. We are rather like Winnie-the-Pooh and Piglet.

Piglet sidles up from behind calling, ‘Pooh!’

‘Yes, Piglet!’

‘Nothing.’ Piglet takes Pooh’s paw and says, ‘I just wanted to be sure of you.’ Sure of the abiding presence.

There is nothing holier in a relationship than that certainty.

What sustains a good friendship is not counsels, not solutions to problems, not financial help in times of need, not ideological support, but the abiding presence. Very few people will let you take their hand in yours when you are down and out.

I remember my bad days in Shillong. The going was tough. My morale had hit the rock bottom. I walked with a bent head because I had no courage to look on people’s faces. I longed to have someone whom I could cosy up to and feel sure of his abiding presence with me. You realise how good your so-called friends are when you are at the rock-bottom.

The one who can absorb your worst vulnerabilities is your friend. That person absorbs your errors and fallibilities. And the occasional, inevitable hurts too. There is no friendship without hurts. But you know that your friend is worth suffering for.

Piglet: How do you spell love?

Pooh: You don’t spell it; you feel it.

PS. This post is part of #BlogchatterA2Z 2023

Yesterday’s: Euthanasia

Tomorrow: Gandhi in Delhi on Good Friday