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Ivan the unusual friend


When you are down and out, you will find that people are of two types. One is the kind that will walk away from you because now you are no good. They will pretend that you don’t exist. They don’t see you even if you happen to land right in front of them. The other is the sort that will have much fun at your expense. They will crack jokes about you even to you or preach at you or pray over you. This latter people are usually pretty happy that you are broke. You make them feel more comfortable with themselves even to the point of self-righteousness.

Ivan was an exception. When I slipped on the path of life and started a free fall that would last many years before I hit the bottom without a thud but with enormous anguish, Ivan stood by me for some reason of his own. He didn’t display any affection which probably he didn’t have. He didn’t display any dislike either. There was no question of preaching or praying. No jokes either.

Ivan was my colleague for a brief period at St Joseph’s school (which found detailed mentions in two previous posts: Etilda the Dance & Florentina and Shillong). As the timetable maker of the school, I had done some simple services for Ivan, such as giving him the topics of his choice to teach. I don’t know whether that was the reason for his not falling in one of the two usual types I came across. Maybe not. Maybe, he was different from the others. He quit teaching after a few years in Shillong and started his own grocery business in his hometown in Kerala.

When I met him in his shop years after he left Shillong, he was still the same old person exuding a friendly air which was not ostentatious. His demeanour didn’t betray any clear emotion whatever. Except cool friendliness.

Most other people who knew me as a broke and a wreck in Shillong displayed extremely fascinating emotions later when they happened to meet me. One guy, for example, drove an Innova car through my gate as fast as he could and suddenly crushed the brake grinding the gravel in my front yard noisily. It was almost two decades after I left Shillong. I was meeting him for the first time after that gap. Twenty years hadn’t prompted him to think that I would be a different person now. When he started speaking to me, he realised that all that acceleration and braking were irrelevant histrionics. He didn’t find me comical at all as he had expected and so he left soon.

Ivan wouldn’t indulge in any such drama. “Why don’t you come home and meet my family?” Ivan asked me once when I met him in his shop. I knew some of his family members. “What about the shop?” I asked. It was the lean period of the day, he said. He could down the shutter for an hour and take a break. He was serious and sincere. So I did go with him to meet his family.

None of the others who had befriended me some time or the other in Shillong would have done what Ivan did, I thought. I did meet a few of them recently at a wedding reception. They proved my prediction right by treating me the same way they did more than twenty years ago. As if people don’t change.

People are free to think what they choose about others. What I’m trying to present here is a particular person who didn’t insist that others must fit into his notions about friends. Ivan was such a person.

Ivan was not particularly interested in what went on far away from his life even if it was the bombing of a whole people in Ukraine or Gaza. Whether Modi was becoming like Putin was no concern of Ivan. He would find it utterly irksome if you asked him to imagine what Albert Einstein and William Shakespeare would discuss if they meet in a café.

Ivan belonged to that rare breed of humans that didn’t resent another person’s achievement. He wouldn’t gloat over another individual’s fall. Your brilliance wouldn’t dazzle him. His neighbour’s mediocrity wouldn’t delight him. He lived his life. He let you live your life. If you damn yourself, it’s your choice. He won’t give another push so that your downslide will accelerate, and he won’t come with facile counsels either. Phoniness is not his style. He is not particularly religious, nor is he an atheist. God is in His heaven and let Him stay there. If you choose to bring Him down here and make a mess of other people’s lives, that’s your business, don’t expect Ivan to jump into the mess.

Yet he’s there with you when you need him. Without judgment. Without counsels. With a heart as far as he can manage that. That is Ivan. 


PS. I'm participating in #BlogchatterA2Z 

Previous PostsA,  B,  C,  D,  E,  F,  G,  H

Comments

  1. Ivan sounds like a good sort. Those others you mentioned aren't what I would call friends. They are best avoided.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ivan is an exception and exceptions are not meant for examples.Today it's beyond the bounds of possibility to find people like Ivan:(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indeed. But I'm sure there are such people around us. Maybe they remain unnoticed.

      Delete
  3. Sometimes, I think about the concept of seven rebirths mentioned in our superstitions. Alternatively, consider the journey of Bodhisattva-s towards becoming Buddha-s - perhaps the most disturbing individuals are in their first birth. Individuals like Ivan are the wise ones, far ahead on this triage, nearing the door of enlightenment. They weave the ideal way of living life and make us resonated too. Nice post. I need to mention about the lively image too. So charming!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't believe in rebirth but I know that wisdom has not much to do with intellectual prowess. Then many other factors matter - genes and environment. Some are lucky to get appropriate guidance in childhood.

      I added 'greenery' in my description, that's why the image has all that charm.

      Delete
  4. Such friends bring no pressure upon you. But they are limited edition unlike the first two kinds.

    ReplyDelete
  5. So good souls like Ivan still live on Earth to make our lives better and to sustain the hope that goodness has not yet departed from here. As you mentioned the two categories of people here, I agree with you completely. They fill whole of Earth. I have been running away from them for a long time but in vain because wherever I go I will find them there. Souls like Ivan is difficult to find and if you find never leave them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your candid acknowledgement of my classification of friends.

      Delete
  6. We have plenty those who want to shove their point view down our throat. Or it seems that way.

    ReplyDelete

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