Unparenting

Book Review

Title: Unparenting: Sharing Awkward Truths with Curious Kids

Author: Reema Ahmad

Publisher: Penguin Random House, 2022

Pages: 232

 

If you don’t want a child, use a condom. Imagine a book on parenting telling something as blunt as that. Reema Ahmad’s books does that and much more. This book is a no-holds-barred guide book to all those who are going to be parents or are already parents of little babies. I recommend it highly to such readers.

Somebody has to tell the harsh truths. Reema Ahmad went through a painful marriage that was imposed on her when she was too young and unprepared for it. Her marriage ended up in divorce soon. Her parents hadn’t divorced merely because they belonged to another generation. The pain of all such unhealthy conjugal relationships is borne ultimately by the children. Why not avoid that? A good question. A necessary question.

There are over eight billion people on our planet. How many of them were born because their parents really wanted them? Maybe ten percent? Twenty? Not more than that, I’d dare say. Most of us are “collateral damages,” as Reema Ahmad puts it. I was a collateral damage, I know.

This book is born out of a lot of painful personal experiences. But the book is written by one who studied the subject deeply enough. Reema Ahmad is a neurolinguistic programming life coach as well as a mental space psychologist. She has studied the subject well and she has lived it too.

Every young couple in India should read this book, let me assert again.

In India, I said, because the book challenges a lot of Indian conventions about child-rearing. There are too many taboos and restrictions which are counterproductive in the Indian way of bringing up children. I agree with Ahmad totally. I went through an infernal childhood myself. Then I became a teacher by profession and lived with children for forty years. I know how the Indian systems – made up by parents, teachers, and the society – stifle childhood.

Unparenting is a unique blend of memoir, personal essays, and psychological guidance on raising children through honest dialogue. Her little son Imaad plays the lead role in the narrative, so to say. How does she bring him up as a single parent, trying to mould in him as healthiest of a personality as possible? We learn that from the book – from lived personal examples as well as accepted psychological frameworks.

The book covers a wide range of topics related to the physical growth and psychological development of children such as body changes, puberty, sex, intimacy, relationships, abuse, bullying, and emotional health. Towards the last part of the book, topics such as loss and grief are also discussed in detail.

One of the book’s defining features is its emphasis on open, non-judgmental communication between parent and child. The Indian families, irrespective of religion, don’t encourage children’s inquisitiveness, particularly when it comes to sex and related subjects. How to handle the situation in healthy ways? Read this book and find out.

The best thing about this book is that it not prescriptive; it empowers you if you are a parent or a teacher. It invites you – parent/teacher – to think, experiment, and evolve your own approach. Parenting is a process of becoming, growing with your child. The book guides you how to do that effectively.

If you are a young parent or going to be one, and if you are not too straitjacketed by the conventions which brought you up, go ahead and read this book. It will make a lot of meaningful difference to your life.

Reema Ahmad with her son Imaad

     PS. I received a copy of the book as a prize for a blogging     activity organised by a blogger’s community led by Manali     Manan Desai and Sukaina Majeed.               #EveryConversationMatters.