Loved in Posters, Controlled in Life
India claims to worship the feminine. We pray to
goddesses, celebrate Kanya Pujan, invoke Shakti, and shout slogans like Beti
Bachao, Beti Padhao. Yet the real girl child – flesh, blood, curiosity,
desire, anger – is treated not as a person but a problem to be managed.
This contradiction is not accidental.
It is structural.
India’s attitude toward the girl
child is ridden with double standards all through – from her birth to her
death.
Her birth is received with a sigh
rather than joy. A boy is born into possibility in India; a girl is born into
precaution. She is loved despite being a girl, not because she is
one. Her arrival is accompanied by calculations: education costs (for what –
because she is not ours in the end), marriage expenses, safety concerns,
and potential threat to social reputation of the family.
From infancy, her body becomes a site
of anxiety. The Indian girl child is wrapped more in warnings than in clothes.
Girls now top exams. They fill
classrooms. But education, for many families, is still not about
liberation; it is about market value. A well-educated girl is a better marriage
prospect, a more profitable wife, a mother with certificates. In the end, she
is expected to be the ideal Indian wife: a role-player rather than an
independent individual. She can succeed, but not question. She can shine, but
not disrupt the social order designed by men.
Her body is a battlefield of sorts.
She must be modest, but attractive.
Independent, but not assertive.
Modern, but not ‘loose.’
Traditional, but not opinionated.
Her clothes are designed by men. Her friendships
are monitored. Her phone is checked. Her silence is a virtue.
When violence happens, the questions
begin – not about the perpetrator’s entitlement, but about the girl’s dress or behaviour
which provoked the man.
India loves its goddesses precisely
because they are symbolic, silent, and controllable. A girl should be all that
too. A girl who speaks back, rejects marriage, refuses motherhood, or demands
pleasure is far more threatening than a demon.
We worship Durga but suppress
daughters.
We invoke Saraswati but silence
curiosity.
We celebrate Lakshmi but deny
economic autonomy.
The girl cannot write her own
narratives, nor control them.
In a society where the men are not
taught to be accountable, the girls are forced to live in cages. It is called
safety. In reality, it is subjugation.
The River Ganga is perhaps the apt
symbol for all this. It is the most sacred river for Indians. It is also one of
the most polluted rivers in the world. And she is a goddess.
PS. Jan 24 is the
National Girls Day in India which my blogger friends Manali Desai and Sukaina Majeed are
celebrating with a blog hop. This post is part of Voices of Her Blog Hop under #EveryConversationMatters
blog hop series.
Congratulations, Tomichan for this very well-written piece on the girl-child. A breath of fresh air, in the last series of Retreat Sermons, which are inward looking - with no streak of social consciousness. Now, that the Middle Class is familiar with the suitable Feminist Lingo, they exhibit a Cultivated and Studied Joy, at the birth of a girl child, channelising the sigh, which is there very much... And the Neo-Liberal Market has added on to the burdens of the family celebrations, by adding on newfangled luxuries and inanities, for every social function, from birth to death.
ReplyDeleteThere's much change in this regard in the last few years, especially because of the social media that creates another culture altogether. That's fine too. But even as you imply, many of those changes are only superficial: like channelising the sigh into apparent celebration.
DeleteWhile it is true that a lot more can be done as far as the lives and welfare of girls and women are concerned, the huge change that has come about in the past decades must surely be acknowledged.
ReplyDeleteThe women today are in a far better position than women earlier. The gap between the genders has narrowed down a lot not just in cities but in small towns too. It is the several anecdotal examples that has led me think so. One reason could be education, the other could be technology that has sort of worked as a great leveller.
Of course, there is no end to how much we can do. I am sure things will only get better and better.
I agree we need to acknowledge the positive changes that have happened. Such changes will keep going because of technology, as you say. The mobile phone, in fact, is the only technology that has mad such an impact.
DeleteBut we need to be concerned about the rising crimes against women in spite of all the apparent changes. Crimes against women in India have shown an increase in reported numbers over the past decade, with figures from the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) indicating a significant rise from over 228,000 incidents in 2011 to over 428,000 in 2021, an 87% jump. Isn't something seriously wrong somewhere?
True, Tomi. Strangely, crimes against women are all too prevalent even among educated and financially well-off societies and families. Which means, it's not about education or knowledge or awareness. It's something to do with deeper psychological and emotional framework of men. And it needs to be tackled at a wholly different level.
DeleteHari Om
ReplyDeleteMisogynistic attitudes are not India's alone (although I do accept there are a whole lot of complex social factors at play there); the rise of the 'manosphere' as a result of that technology you describe has become a real threat to women in much of the so called civilised world. The simple fact is that, for all the advances made, there will always be a level of patriarchy... YAM xx
Indeed it's a man's world in the end. I wouldn't dare to send my wife alone after dark to any place. Whatever advancement we may profess, India still remains primitive in many areas.
DeleteThe louder they claim feminism, the more likely the reverse is entrenched.
ReplyDeleteEspecially in present India. Preaching and practice are diametrically opposite here now.
DeleteThe Irony correctly simplified in the last stanza
ReplyDeleteYou have brought out the irony in your inimitable style Tomichan. Sadly true. Hope things change soonest.
ReplyDeleteEvery word resonates, sir. Quite a thought provoking piece!! Every woman/girl faces this contradiction in her life at every step.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a beautifully written piece layered with irony, that exposes the true state of women in our society. There has been progress and improvement no doubt but these realities still remain deeply ingrained around us. The last paragraph sums it all together so powerfully.
ReplyDeleteThis piece felt like a mirror, a slap in face of citizens who preach liberty and equality but do not practice it for real. Glad you wrote this Sir.
ReplyDeleteSuch a thought-provoking piece. Something that makes us bend our head, to realize where we have failed!
ReplyDeleteA brilliant post, written with your normal irony and truth! However much women progress, there are regressive practices that still pull her down! Sad, but true!
ReplyDeleteIt is sadly true but there has been a subtle shift in our country. It's not enough but hopefully we'll see the world getting better for girls.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautifully written piece, layered with irony, that mirrors the true state of women in our society. While there has been progress and improvement, but we cannot deny these realities that continue to remain deeply ingrained around us. The concluding paragraph ties everything together powerfully, leaving me as a reader so much to ponder over.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to highlight so many sentences in this blog post Sir. Your drawing the symbolism of Ganga with the plight of the girl-child is most apt. Both are revered, and yet, polluted and ignored
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyed this! Your reflections made me see how our outward narratives and inner realities often drift apart — beautifully observed and written.
ReplyDeleteA profound read. The symbolism used is so precise. Yes, all they want is control over women.
ReplyDeleteVery well put! It’s heartbreaking how early the difference begins. A girl’s life shouldn’t start with limitations when it should begin with boundless hope.
ReplyDeleteTrue, the life of a girl child is filled with contradictions. Urban India is witnessing a gradual transformation, though, but now, it is the turn of boys here to be harassed by the girl's family. In the name of empowerment and equality, the scales are now tipped in favor of girls, and some are making hay while the sun shines!
ReplyDeleteSharp, fearless, and painfully honest, your post dismantles the hypocrisy around how we “worship” the feminine while controlling and punishing real girls. The symbolism, especially the Ganga analogy, is powerful and unsettling in the best way!
ReplyDeletethis thought crosses my mind as well when I scroll through women empowering pages. It makes me reflect on what's exactly we doing on the ground level. As years go by...I definitely somewhere feel who is helping the women I know.
ReplyDeleteReally powerful and eye-opening read. This contradiction between symbolic love and real-world control is so important to talk about.
ReplyDeleteHonest, scathing, no words minced. There is, indeed, no explanation for our double standards when it comes to the girl child and to women im general. Congratulations on the win. Well-deserved, Sir. Excited to send you a copy of Kuhu Learns to Deal With Life.
ReplyDeleteI know I'll love your book just because your wirting has a child's innocence of heart and vividness of vision.
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