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Friends and Strangers



How can we trust strangers when friends keep breaking our trust again and again? A 2021 survey by the American Enterprise Institute found that the number of Americans who say they have no close friends has quadrupled since 1990, going from 3% to 12%. Having friends is important, however. Research by Brigham Young University psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad has shown that loneliness is a major threat to longevity. The threat from loneliness is equal to that from smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being an alcoholic, according to that study!

Why do we avoid interacting with strangers? This is the question raised in the latest edition of a blogger community forum. My simple answer would be that people are even avoiding friends nowadays, then what about strangers?

People are shrinking into themselves, I think. Including me, most people I observe seem to be withdrawing from other people. Yesterday, I was invited to an evening party of some friends from my teenage days. I found a convenient excuse to avoid it. I always find similar excuses whenever I am invited to parties.

I notice people sitting buried in their mobile phones though they are attending a wedding reception or some such function. Even my young students seem to prefer the company of their mobile phones instead of engaging in friendly conversations with one another.

When I was on Facebook [I quit that platform when they started blocking me again and again for criticising the Prime Minister], I had a few thousand friends some of whom were from my village. When I see these ‘friends’ in real life – on the streets – they pretend not to see me. It was an enlightening awareness for me that people do that most of the time: they avoid personal interactions.

Are we scared of each other?

If we cannot even talk to friends freely, will we talk to strangers?

Moreover, the sociopolitical atmosphere in the country is such that we never know whose which sentiment is just waiting to be hurt. You start a conversation with a stranger on the weather. But the rain or the lack of it cannot sustain a conversation forever. You have to move on to something else. What about your favourite writer, Albert Camus or Nikos Kazantzakis or Dostoevsky? The other guy hasn’t heard any of these names. The fact is that he hasn’t touched a book for nearly a century. Then what do you do? Talk politics. He is a Modi-fan and you’re Modi-baiter. The conversation ends no sooner than it began. If you are in Uttar Pradesh or Gujarat, it may be your end too.

Will you start a conversation with a stranger on the Manipur crisis though that has been a burning problem in the country for three months now?  Will you discuss cows? The plastic surgery of God Ganesha? The indoctrination in the curriculum? The bourgeoning inequality in the country?

I choose to write rather than talk to people – friends or strangers.

 

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Comments

  1. Yamini MacLeanAugust 6, 2023 at 2:42 PM

    Hari OM
    It's an interesting one, isn't it, that we as a race have become so insular. It was happening before the big pandemic - but that certainly exacerbated the tendency to withdrawal and isolation - even as many will rail against it in their online interactions. Many complain of being alone, yet do nothing offline to attempt to fix that. One of the great joys of my recent big trip was that I had so many excellent small and, yes, deeper talks with the people I met along the way. Live conversation, though, requires of us to think on our feet. Too many have loved the chance online to write and re-write and edit themselves... or to just blurt out all sorts of spew under an anonymous title. YAM xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalAugust 7, 2023 at 6:39 AM

      That's it. It's much easier, and perhaps safer too, to express oneself online than personally.

      Delete
  2. AnonymousAugust 6, 2023 at 4:10 PM

    I am quite happy that Indian government have banned use of mobile phones for students during school hours. If not it would have been horrible. For instance, during lunch breaks students would rather watch youtube while having food than having casual conversation with peers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalAugust 7, 2023 at 6:41 AM

      Youngsters seem to have become addicted to mobile phones. You should know better than me.

      Delete
  3. magiceyeAugust 6, 2023 at 6:04 PM

    People have started getting offended at the drop of a hat due to which opinions are kept to oneself unless one is paid for it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalAugust 7, 2023 at 6:41 AM

      So true. We can't even express our views openly these days.

      Delete
  4. WaterAugust 7, 2023 at 8:04 AM

    A vital topic you have shared. One of the best pickup I can mention is we avoid people in real. Yes technology has made us fast forward... but this fast forwardness has stolen beauty from our life. I still remember my childhood days when even after getting punishment for overplaying in the evening, I would wish to do it always to enjoy little more time with my friends. Now, we don't have time. We have lived without smart phones and tvs for long so I still feel we can go about talking form topics to topics. Sir, like the beauty of writing letters and expecting letters have been lost so the beauty of flipping conversations from everything and anything also is dying down. We have made conversation also so formal...not for enjoyment and feeling better. Worthy post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalAugust 7, 2023 at 8:39 AM

      The young generation whom I teach in the classroom has become rather baffling now with their utter lack of concern for others. They're very self-centered. The self-centeredness makes them insensitive too.

      Delete
  5. Pradeep NairAugust 8, 2023 at 1:21 PM

    I think internet has played a big role in this. May be a good scientific study can come out with more details.
    Divisive and diverse opinions have been there always. So also friends and strangers. But the relationships have changed a lot. So too tolerance levels.
    There was a lot of moderation in the expression of our views. There was a lot of understanding.
    That's not the case now. Everyone is in a rush to come to conclusions and judgements without knowing the full context and background.
    Hopefully this is a passing phase.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalAugust 8, 2023 at 1:28 PM

      It may not be a passing phase. The way it's going, we may be moving towards more self-centeredness. I am quite alarmed by the change that has come over my young students.

      Delete
  6. AnonymousJanuary 15, 2024 at 6:02 PM

    Very nice

    ReplyDelete

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