Endurance of Relationships

Rev Joseph Elavanal SDB in cassock

Cordialness is more natural to humans than war. That is my experience in general. It may be because my associations with people were severely limited by my shyness and social anxiety which is not exactly introversion. An unexpected encounter with Reverend Joseph Elavanal SDB [Salesian of Don Bosco] evoked a flood of thoughts and memories in me.

I had been invited by Orchid Spell Bee to be a judge of a state-level spelling competition for school students. The competition went on the whole day from 9 am to 6 pm. Hundreds of students from class one to eight participated from various parts of Kerala. Though there were 5 judges taking turns, the duty was quite hectic, and I had reasons to be relieved when the event was drawing to a close with the appearance of a Catholic priest in immaculate cassock at the far end of the auditorium.

I didn’t recognise Father Joseph Elavanal who was introduced to me by the organisers as the Rector (without mentioning his name) of the school where the competition was held. When I mentioned that I was an ex-Salesian (member of the religious congregation founded by Don Bosco), he recognised me sooner than I could locate him in my memory. But it took only flash of a moment for me to realise that I was holding the hand of a man who was in charge of our novitiate batch for the whole year.

As soon as the programme concluded, he invited me to their ‘house’ (as Salesians call their seminary). I had made an attempt during the lunch break to find that house in order to seek out anyone whom I knew from the old days. I couldn’t locate it, however. The reason: it was a very unassuming tiny building tucked into a corner of the school campus. It looked like a minor appendage of the school itself.

Fr Elavanal led me through a narrow corridor flanked by an office and reception on one side and a chapel on the other. He took me directly to the refectory and made me a cup of coffee, asking my preferences all the way: strong or light, sugar or sugarless? His geniality struck a deep chord within me. We were meeting after a gap of over four decades. Yet the warmth that his cordiality exuded made me speechless.

I listened to him recalling the others of our batch that he took care of in the novitiate. He has a terrific memory. He was remembering people whom he left in 1979, the end of our novitiate. I was there in the congregation for a few more years and so my friendship with him continued a little while more. But it ended totally in mid-80s when I left the congregation.

The aroma of the coffee still lingers, two days after the meeting. That’s how human relationships are, I thought, unless some pervert creeps in with divisive histories and objectives. Human relationships, I’ve come to realise time and again, have an innate grace which chooses to forget unpleasant past, not out of denial, but out of a quiet yearning to experience the tenderness of love and friendship. Such tenderness returns, unbidden and sincere, reminding us that connection matters more than conflict. 

The credit for all pics in this post goes to Spell Bee.