One of the scenes that remain indelibly etched in my
memory is from a novel of Malayalam writer O V Vijayan. Father and little son
are on a walk. Father tells son, “Walk carefully, son, otherwise you may fall
down.” Son: “What will happen if I fall?” Father: "Relatives will laugh.”
I seldom feel comfortable with my
relatives. In fact, I don’t feel comfortable in any society, but relatives make
it more uneasy. The reason, as I’ve understood, is that your relatives are the
last people to see any goodness in you. On the other hand, they are the first
ones to discover all your faults.
Whenever certain relatives visit, my
knees buckle and the blood pressure shoots up. I behave quite awkwardly. They often
describe my behaviour as arising from my ego, which used to be a oversized in yesteryear.
I had a few such visitors the other
day. The problem was particularly compounded by their informing me that they
would be arriving by about 3.30 pm and actually reaching at about 7.30 pm. I
kept on postponing my regular as well as other jobs and my surliness was aggravated
by their not answering my phone calls. When they did arrive finally, there was
no explanation or apology.
I wanted to scream when one of them
introduced me to another saying, “He’s also a writer,” and added instantly, “on
Facebook.” A constant grief of mine has been that none of my relatives ever
read what I write. Now, here is one who thinks I do all my writing on Facebook,
the playground of the riffraff.
They stole my sleep. Now I swallow
antidepressant tablets at prescribed intervals.
"Athithi" Is one without Thithi - Date. Like Abraham receiving the three angels, at the hot and dusty Mid-day in the desert! That is why the Athithi, Devobhava: Those who come with appointment are passers by. And if they gave you the appointment, they should keep it. Give or take five minutes this way or that way IST. Sleeep not on pills..Just sleep. " I go to my bed and sleep comes at once." The psalmist's note of Thanks for the Gift of Sleep. So, let all those Thithis, who made you los e your sleep be exorcised. Sleep well.
ReplyDeleteThat's nice - adithi being a-thithi. And thanks for the wishes. Nowadays the trough of my mood wave rises faster than in the old days. By tomorrow, I will be alright.
DeleteThat is great. Tomorrow early morning, I will be boarding Coromandal Express to Chennai and from there there the Mangaluru Mail to Kannur. 12.Going to Kunnoth seminary for the Annual ACPI Meet. 9-
DeleteBest wishes.
DeleteLately, I've realised that relatives are like 'Errors'. You can't eliminate them but you can always minimise them, as much as possible.
ReplyDeleteI like that analogy of errors.
DeleteHari OM
ReplyDeleteHah! I recognise this. My siblings are close, but the rest are as strangers to me, as I am sure is the same in reverse. The problem is that blood relationship breeds the tendency to THINK they know you, based, usually, on childhood memory. A most unreliable documentary tool! YAM xx
Absolutely. Childhood judgements. You hit the nail on the head. Worse, those judgments are passed on to generations like some sexy legends.
DeleteSome of them labeled me as useless and still stare at me wondering how I am doing in my profession so well like winning some award or some recognition.
DeleteMy sister in laws always think that my growth is never realistic as the profile doesn't match their brother's, my husband's (though my husband never suffered from that sickness and supports me greatly).
Hence, I never share my accomplishments with them. In case they got to know about some achievement of mine, instantly what occurs on their minds, I know by now - "May be it is for so many, may be by some random choice, may be by just this chance or that chance...something very ordinary. Nothing great."
Go to .... May be God can forgive them. If God chooses to do so, let them be forgiven. I don't know them. The relatives!
DAWNANDDEW
The responses here prove a point: all relatives are alike, irrespective of creed, region, culture...
DeleteHaha... that's the way the ball bounces!
ReplyDeleteWe have to learn to deal with those bounces.
DeleteThis post reminds me of a speech that you delivered in Sawan. I don't remember it exactly though but the crux of that speech is still embedded in my mind. You mentioned about a man who had a dog that could 'run' over water! When he showed that special talent of his dog to the villagers, they said that It was a pitty that his dog couldn't swim. Our relatives are similar to those villagers born with innate sadistic behaviour. But on a personal note, I feel that this kind of personality disorder is not just confined to relatives itself, infact this is how our society operates.
ReplyDeleteOh, how I admire your memory. Yes, I did employ that parable in a speech...
DeleteYes, society as a whole has that problem, but relatives tend to be excessive just because familiarity breeds contempt. Plus usual jealousy.
Wow, that sucks. It's too bad you can't cut them out of your life. I'm fortunate that I have a small family, and most of them are pleasant. Why spend time with people who can't be bothered to treat you well?
ReplyDeleteYour question actually gives me an idea.
Delete