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Relatives and Antidepressants


One of the scenes that remain indelibly etched in my memory is from a novel of Malayalam writer O V Vijayan. Father and little son are on a walk. Father tells son, “Walk carefully, son, otherwise you may fall down.” Son: “What will happen if I fall?” Father: "Relatives will laugh.”

I seldom feel comfortable with my relatives. In fact, I don’t feel comfortable in any society, but relatives make it more uneasy. The reason, as I’ve understood, is that your relatives are the last people to see any goodness in you. On the other hand, they are the first ones to discover all your faults.

Whenever certain relatives visit, my knees buckle and the blood pressure shoots up. I behave quite awkwardly. They often describe my behaviour as arising from my ego, which used to be a oversized in yesteryear.

I had a few such visitors the other day. The problem was particularly compounded by their informing me that they would be arriving by about 3.30 pm and actually reaching at about 7.30 pm. I kept on postponing my regular as well as other jobs and my surliness was aggravated by their not answering my phone calls. When they did arrive finally, there was no explanation or apology.

I wanted to scream when one of them introduced me to another saying, “He’s also a writer,” and added instantly, “on Facebook.” A constant grief of mine has been that none of my relatives ever read what I write. Now, here is one who thinks I do all my writing on Facebook, the playground of the riffraff.

They stole my sleep. Now I swallow antidepressant tablets at prescribed intervals.

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Comments

  1. Jose D. MaliekalOctober 7, 2025 at 2:49 PM

    "Athithi" Is one without Thithi - Date. Like Abraham receiving the three angels, at the hot and dusty Mid-day in the desert! That is why the Athithi, Devobhava: Those who come with appointment are passers by. And if they gave you the appointment, they should keep it. Give or take five minutes this way or that way IST. Sleeep not on pills..Just sleep. " I go to my bed and sleep comes at once." The psalmist's note of Thanks for the Gift of Sleep. So, let all those Thithis, who made you los e your sleep be exorcised. Sleep well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalOctober 7, 2025 at 5:43 PM

      That's nice - adithi being a-thithi. And thanks for the wishes. Nowadays the trough of my mood wave rises faster than in the old days. By tomorrow, I will be alright.

      Delete
    2. Jose D. MaliekalOctober 7, 2025 at 11:50 PM

      That is great. Tomorrow early morning, I will be boarding Coromandal Express to Chennai and from there there the Mangaluru Mail to Kannur. 12.Going to Kunnoth seminary for the Annual ACPI Meet. 9-

      Delete
    3. Tomichan MatheikalOctober 8, 2025 at 5:45 AM

      Best wishes.

      Delete
  2. AnonymousOctober 7, 2025 at 3:10 PM

    Lately, I've realised that relatives are like 'Errors'. You can't eliminate them but you can always minimise them, as much as possible.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yamini MacLeanOctober 7, 2025 at 6:13 PM

    Hari OM
    Hah! I recognise this. My siblings are close, but the rest are as strangers to me, as I am sure is the same in reverse. The problem is that blood relationship breeds the tendency to THINK they know you, based, usually, on childhood memory. A most unreliable documentary tool! YAM xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalOctober 7, 2025 at 6:26 PM

      Absolutely. Childhood judgements. You hit the nail on the head. Worse, those judgments are passed on to generations like some sexy legends.

      Delete
    2. AnonymousOctober 7, 2025 at 7:29 PM

      Some of them labeled me as useless and still stare at me wondering how I am doing in my profession so well like winning some award or some recognition.

      My sister in laws always think that my growth is never realistic as the profile doesn't match their brother's, my husband's (though my husband never suffered from that sickness and supports me greatly).

      Hence, I never share my accomplishments with them. In case they got to know about some achievement of mine, instantly what occurs on their minds, I know by now - "May be it is for so many, may be by some random choice, may be by just this chance or that chance...something very ordinary. Nothing great."

      Go to .... May be God can forgive them. If God chooses to do so, let them be forgiven. I don't know them. The relatives!

      DAWNANDDEW

      Delete
    3. Tomichan MatheikalOctober 7, 2025 at 7:44 PM

      The responses here prove a point: all relatives are alike, irrespective of creed, region, culture...

      Delete
  4. magiceyeOctober 7, 2025 at 6:25 PM

    Haha... that's the way the ball bounces!

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousOctober 7, 2025 at 9:12 PM

    This post reminds me of a speech that you delivered in Sawan. I don't remember it exactly though but the crux of that speech is still embedded in my mind. You mentioned about a man who had a dog that could 'run' over water! When he showed that special talent of his dog to the villagers, they said that It was a pitty that his dog couldn't swim. Our relatives are similar to those villagers born with innate sadistic behaviour. But on a personal note, I feel that this kind of personality disorder is not just confined to relatives itself, infact this is how our society operates.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tomichan MatheikalOctober 7, 2025 at 9:17 PM

      Oh, how I admire your memory. Yes, I did employ that parable in a speech...

      Yes, society as a whole has that problem, but relatives tend to be excessive just because familiarity breeds contempt. Plus usual jealousy.

      Delete
  6. Liz A.October 7, 2025 at 10:00 PM

    Wow, that sucks. It's too bad you can't cut them out of your life. I'm fortunate that I have a small family, and most of them are pleasant. Why spend time with people who can't be bothered to treat you well?

    ReplyDelete

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