Sleep and Patriotism

Illustration by Google Gemini

I was about to go to bed earlier than usual because I was feeling terribly sleepy. I had slept relatively much less in the past few nights owing to certain urgent evaluation jobs of my school that had to be completed within short period. However, as I stepped into my bedroom, I was reminded of my duties as a patriot and my sleep left me instantly.

My Prime Minister sleeps just three hours a day, as he has told us repeatedly. In a 2019 interview that actor Akshay Kumar conducted for ANI, Modi’s answer to the actor’s question about the brevity of his sleep was unabashed: “Even Obama asked me this question.” By the way, Akshay Kumar was a Canadian citizen in those days. But he was a true Indian patriot, according to Modi’s partymen. Probably because he slept less than the average Indians.

A few years after Kumar’s interview, Chandrakant Patel of Maharashtra BJP reduced Modi’s sleep to a meagre two hours. “Modiji works 22 hours of the day for the welfare of the country,” Patel declared.

If 74-year-old Modi can work without sleep, why are you Indians sleeping so much? None other than the Infosys chief, NR Narayana Murthy, asked that some time back. Modiji works 140 hours a week, so you Indians should work at least half of that – 70 hours a week, stipulated Murthyji.

It is not that Mr Murthy is unaware of certain simple facts about the work hours in other countries. US – 36.4 hours per week, South Korea – 37.9 hours, Russia – 37.6, England – 36, and Germany – 37. In India, the current average work hours per week is 47.7. According to International Labour Organization, India ranks at 5 in average work hours. That is, in 190 other countries, citizens enjoy more free time than in India. Yet our leaders and corporate honchos are grumbling!

The latest corporate honcho to join India’s army of patriotic insomniacs is L&T’s SN Subrahmanyan who has asked Indians to work 90 hours a week.  

I’d like to be a patriotic Indian by becoming a phantasmagorical insomniac and work 140 hours a week like our exceptionally exemplary Prime Minister. Unfortunately, sleep sticks to me like honey on a warm spoon – heavy, slow, and impossible to shake off. Sorry, Prime Minister Modi, much as I would love to emulate you, I confess to my unworthiness in all humility. I have managed to keep the honey waiting up to now. But it’s just about to fall.

I shall utter a special prayer to your favourite God, Ram Lalla, before hitting the sack, to arouse me to greater patriotism.